Dance Party for One

From One Blog to Another...

2011-12-13T12:07:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time.
Too long.

HERE is a blog I've posted for Christmas on
my other (more personal) blog.
Just click on the link if you'd like to read...

I plan on being back on the blogging path in January.
Needed some space and time this year...
But am looking forward to writing again soon.

Thank you for your support, notes and inspiration in 2011.
Those I've heard from over the past several months have made an impact in my life!

Be Your Best!
Becky

I Meant to do That

2011-09-01T20:39:00.001-04:00

Had an interesting conversation with a co-worker the other day.
He asked for my opinion,
Wanted to know what I thought.
Said he figured I'd have an answer for his question.

(I always like when people ask me what I think,
it makes me feel good, like they believe I actually
AM thinking and have thoughts to share.
Who doesn't like that?)

He shared that he's spent a chunk of his life,
in his current station of life,
waking up in the morning
and heading to bed at night
aware
very aware
that there is something
waiting out there for him to do
be
discover
become
accomplish
and
pursue.

He's antsy
and excited
and feels expectant
and ready
and on edge

but every day is the same

every day, he feels this way

but nothing
ever
seems
to

happen.

He shared that he'd recently opened up to another friend
and the friend had given his opinion
on One's Purpose.
He had shared his perspective with this thought,
"Maybe...just maybe, you've already accomplished your purpose.
Maybe there is no grand thing out there for you to pursue.
Maybe you've already done it.
And you're sitting around waiting.
And it's already over and done."

This left him in a tizzy
this unsettled him
this was not the kind of answer he expected.

And it was not what he needed to hear...

So now, it was my turn.
My turn to throw an answer in with the other
and see what came out...

Here's the thing,
I am driven by a sense of purpose.
I am defined by my intense belief in purpose
I am challenged, motivated, inspired and
connected in every area of my life
to
my

purpose

So, to ask me what I think,
to ask for my thoughts
on Purpose...
is giving me an open invitation to share
the heart and soul of who I am.

In that very moment,
while I was pausing
preparing how I wanted to answer
considering what he needed
contemplating his question,
I knew I was walking into a purposeful moment
I knew I was about to fulfill a purpose
I knew that specific conversation was part of why
I had woken up that morning...

because

I believe there is purpose behind every single day of my life
I believe there is purpose in every human encounter I have throughout my day
I believe there is purpose in every still moment I take to breathe and think
I believe there is purpose in
every touch
every word
every connecting point
every smile
every laugh
every tear
every sigh
every smirk
every moment of my day

I live each of my days with purpose
with intention
with an effort to fulfill my purpose
for that morning
that afternoon
that evening
that night

These are not always grand purposes,
but sometimes, they can be.
Each and every time
I give a piece of me away
in a smile
or a kindness
or an encouragement
or an engaging conversation,
I am aware of purpose,
My purpose
and His purposes.

There is meaning to my life because there is meaning to my day.
Each and every day.

And then, there are other Purposes
(note the capitol 'P').
Purposes I have committed to for the long-haul...

Raising and nurturing my children into:
adulthood
sincere opportunities to experience faith in action
maturity of character
depth of care
and wisdom

Maintaining a heart that's free
and open
and feeling
and loving
and caring
and forgiving
and accepting

And sharing my faith
and hope
and love...
so others can see
and feel
and know
Him
through me.

And then there is PURPOSE
(the kind my co-worker was questioning).
the ultimate,
over-riding
driving
life-defining
all-encompassing
point of
life.
His life
My life
Your life.

Here's the thing.
Here's how I really feel...
Here's what I think
about PURPOSE...

I believe each of our lives have
purpose
Purpose
and
PURPOSE.

I believe there are ultimate things
I have been designed to live out
experience
share
pass on
go through
and become

In those things, my PURPOSE will unfold.

But, at this point,
I'm not looking for
searching out
seeking
PURPOSE.
I am not holding out for an Oprah
kind of PURPOSE.

I'm not holding out at all.
I am not waking up
or falling asleep
wondering
feeling tension
questioning the meaning of my life.

I am,
as I shared with my friend...

Pursuing the purposes I know
instead of wondering about
waiting for
questioning
what is unknown...
what I don't know.

I am pursuing what I know,
I am meant to do.
I am loving where I can love.
Giving where I can give.
Spending myself where I can be poured out.
Sharing what I can share.

Being who I have been designed to be.
Growing little by little
and reaching behind me to anyone who might want to follow along.
I am pursuing purpose in all things.

And,
I believe
ultimately,
I will accomplish what I was intended to accomplish.
I will apprehend that which I have been apprehended for.

I have been given life
and breath
and people to love
and faith to share
and friends to encourage
and children to nurture
and a heart to keep tender
and people to discover
and me....to give.

That is my purpose
and my Purpose
and my PURPOSE.

Pursue the purpose you know
whether it is in your mothering
your sistering
your neighboring
your spousing
your working
your questioning
your changing
your challenging
your becoming
your morning
your afternoon
your night

Pursue it with gusto.
Live with intention.
Find fulfillment in being
and becoming
and making a difference in someone's day
or life...
and giving
and teaching

....and loving.
What's more purposeful than that?

That's all.
Be Your Best,
Becky

Slumber Party

2011-08-18T14:24:00.002-04:00

To everything, there is indeed a season.
A time to dance
and
a time to
sleep.

I mean really sleep.
There is a time to draw the curtains
shut the door
take a Tylenol PM
(or drink a glass of wine)
Pipe some mellow music into your ears
(or read a book)
slip into your pjs
get under your covers
sink into your pillow
and
sleeeeeeeep
even if it's only 6:30

even if there are dinner dishes in the sink
and your kitchen floor needs to be swept
and there are good things on tv
and you didn't fold the laundry
and there are phone calls you didn't return
and you haven't been to bed before 7pm since you were five....

There is a time
and a place for sleep
and naps
and rest

Your body needs to be fed.
You need to feed yourself.
And sleep is one of those things, you need to be fed.
All of this is coming from
a terrible sleeper.

I am a horrible sleeper.
I cannot shut my brain off at night.
I don't really know how to fall asleep.
(the whole idea of 'falling asleep' has always intrigued me...I mean, how does this happen? what makes my body sleep? how do I naturally go from the state of being awake one second, to asleep the next? See? See...? This is the reason I am a horrible sleeper....I lay awake thinking about sleep all night!)

I am a light sleeper.
I wake at the slightest sound.
I stir if the moon is too bright through my window.
I talk in my sleep.
I even snore...a little (or so I've been told).
I have bad dreams (snakes in my covers)
I have sad dreams (time with my mother and then saying goodbye again)
I have stupid dreams (playing Uno with strangers)

I have a hard time falling asleep
I have a hard time staying asleep
and

I wake up before my alarm sounds
I wake up early, when I could have slept more...

I would rather stay up all night, than sleep.
I really like being awake.
Really.
And night time is my favorite time of the 24hrs I get to live each day.

But, it's sleep I need.
I need to sleep to regain my strength
refill my energy tank
keep my emotions from spilling over
regulate my eating needs
keep my metabolism running smoothly...
sleep gives me the stamina to give my next day all the gusto I've got.

So, I need sleep
and I need rest.

Rest is different than sleep.
Rest,
is sitting back
breathing
and be-ing.

Be...ing
Resting is, I believe
a lost art.

I am very good at resting
I am quite successful just BE.....ing
and I get better at it all the time.
I LOVE to rest.
I LOVE to just BE.
I could rest and BE for hours every day!
Resting is a decision on my part
I determine to rest (and BE) every single day.
I shut my door
I give myself 15 minutes (at least)
to rest (and BE), each day.

I might listen to music
but most of the time,
I am silent.
I am thinking.
I am pondering.
I am NOT dwelling on what I need to do with the remainder of my day.
I am not texting, chatting or talking on the phone.
I am NOT planning ahead
or organizing
or worrying
or thinking about my children or their needs.

I am resting
I am BE-ing
and thinking about me.
I am thinking about who I am
the choices I've made
the growth I see
the happy, fulfilling moments of my day
the goodness of my life
the things I am thankful for
the people I cherish.

When I am resting,
I am focused on goodness
and beauty
and joy
and breathing.
I do a lot of breathing when I am resting...
and BE-ing

And yes,
without fail, one of (maybe even all of)
my children
try to interrupt
me.
But I stop them.
I don't let them into my room.
I send them to their rooms....to rest
to BE
(with no tv, or video games...
with nothing).
I want to teach them to know and understand the value of rest.
I want to teach them,
silence is important
stopping is critical
being alone with one's thoughts is invaluable
Learning to think, ponder, BE, consider and know
thyself....
is a skill

and a gift

and something never to be sacrificed.

When the dancing is done,
I need to feed myself sleep
and I need to rest
and I need to BE.

It's not even 3 o'clock on this particular Thursday,
but I'm in my pjs
with my hair in a ponytail
glasses sitting on top of my head
while I am at my laptop
and my bed is unmade.
It called to me to earlier to take a nap.
And I answered.
Today I napped
I needed it.

Now, I'll pick up my children from school.
They will have a snack
we will discuss their day
they will do their homework
then they'll go to their rooms
and I will go to mine
and we will have 30 minutes to ourselves
to rest and be
until it's time for me to start making dinner.

My eight-year old twins
My eleven year-old daughter
My teenage son
will all rest.
And so will I.

It's a required activity in my house.

So.
That's all!
Be your best,
Sweet dreams,
Becky

Hope Springs...Eternal

2011-08-08T19:47:00.003-04:00

I was interviewed for a book a few weeks ago.
Asked some questions about my story,
My past
My present
and
My future.

Some of the questions were familiar.
I'm asked them each time I share about the 100 pounds...
How did you do it?
and
How long did it take?

But then,
I was asked another question.
Asked in a way I hadn't been asked before.
I was asked,
What was your lowest point?
I think I answered with my own question...
What do you mean, lowest point?
Same question, re-worded for clarification:
When did you hit rock bottom?

That was a new one.
When did I hit rock bottom?

I don't know if I paused in the conversation.
Not sure if I really even hesitated with my response.
I guess, most people have a "rock bottom moment."
A moment when they've had enough,
"The straw that breaks the camel's back" kind of moment,
or as Oprah says, "an Ah-ha moment."
(Oh my! Am I actually quoting Oprah in my blog???)

I didn't have that kind of moment.

Yes, I remember walking past windows in stores,
catching my reflection and not realizing I was the
big, big woman staring back.
Yes, I remember looking in the mirror at my bathroom sink
and thinking I was starting to look like an entirely different woman
than I remembered being.
Yes, there were times when I cried and groaned
and dreaded taking a shower
because I knew I'd have to stare at myself
to put on my makeup
and do my hair
and that, though I was trying my best to look good,
I didn't feel inside like it even mattered.

Yes.
I had those moments.
Plenty of them.
BUT...
(this may sound confusing)
even though
I had plenty of those moments,
I still had hope for myself.

Hope.
Deep HOPE for myself and my future.

So,
when I was asked about rock bottom,
lowest moments,
I answered,

I didn't really ever hit rock bottom.
I don't think I had a lowest moment.

Because
I always had hope.

In fact, I knew
I could
and would...

Change.

One day.

At some point.

I just knew it.

So,
when I actually picked the date to begin,
August 13, 2008
I picked it from a place of hope.
I picked it months before.
I chose the date my new life,
the new me,
would begin
with great hope
from a place of hope
establishing my hope on that date.

I chose my 39th birthday.
Not because I was terrified of turning 40
Not because I was trying to find the Fountain of Youth
Not because I was depressed about aging.
I chose my 39th birthday,
because I had great hopes for myself.
I knew it was my time to devote to myself.

I chose to dig into the hope I had for myself...
hope for my future
hope in the possibilities
hope about my strengths and purpose and destiny
and the life I still had ahead of me.

You see,
To me,
hope is not wishing
hope is not a shot in the dark
hope is not a casual thing
For me, hope is not a
feeble
weak
shoulder-shrugging
take-it-or-leave-it option.
I'm not talking about the "Well, I hope so" kind of thinking
or the "Hope I make it" kind
(to me, these are hopeless, doubtful, skeptical statements).

Hope is, to me (and for me)
a confidence
an assuredness
a beacon
a support to everything else
a stamina-producing
stick-with-it determination
immovable confession
declared mission statement.

My hope
for myself
was that,
I was capable of anything.
And that there was still an entire life ahead of me
and I wanted to get back into it
and do so with strength, vitality, love and energy.

I never lost hope for myself.
I never lost hope in my future.
In my belief about me
my belief IN me.
(not in some raging ego-maniac way)
But I just knew I could do this.
I could change
I could alter where I was...
alter where I was stuck
alter my thoughts about myself
alter my mind
my heart
my emotions
my body
my everything.

I just knew I could do it.
And it wasn't because I had great will power
or strength
or a desperate need
or a great personal trainer
or some other thing I wanted to gain....
It was because I had hope.

I never gave up on myself.
My self.
I never gave up my hope
that I was created to live
and to be alive
and to experience my life with joy
and love
and vitality
and
hope.

And
(this might be the key to it all)
I deeply believed,
I was designed
to
be
loved.

I was designed to love
and be loved.

And that it started with knowing I was
designed
and
created
and
loved
by
Him.

And that
He
designed
and
created
me
to
love what He had made.
And HE had made
Me,
To love
my self
as He loves me.

I have hope for myself
because I love my self
I love me
and I make no apologies for that.

I do
love myself...
I love myself enough
to hope for my future
believe in my strengths
trust in my capabilities
make the absolute most of
my year
my day
my relationships
my life
and
Me.
I love myself enough to make the most of Me.

And
I have hope for you
too.

I KNOW you can do this.
I know you can
alter, re-invent, jump-start, change, become, return, discover, connect, forgive, release, recover, stop, begin, do-over, accept, uncover, tell the truth about, speak out, redeem, branch-out, dream, accomplish, survive, uproot, conquer, determine, hit head-on, tackle and overcome...
anything.

Anything.
Anything at all.

You really can.

That's all.
Be your best,
Becky

Mirror, Mirror: Time for Reflection

2011-07-29T20:27:00.007-04:00

I began sharing about my little Dance Parties in August, last year.
After I'd lost 100 pounds.
After the 18 months it took to lose those pounds
and
after keeping off those 100 pounds for almost six months.
Almost an entire year ago.
It has been almost 36 months (three years!) since this ALL started
and almost 12 months since I started talking about it.

I can't tell you just how difficult it was for me to open up
and start talking.
You'd think I would have been
thrilled
excited
blabbering
chomping at the bit
fit to be tied
shouting at the top of my lungs
about losing 100 pounds.
But. I. Wasn't.

I mean, I was thrilled and proud.
I was amazed by my accomplishment
Quite in love with my new self
and over the moon about how my body had changed.

But,
there was still something about it
I wanted to keep hidden
private,
within,
just mine.

Honestly,
it was the shame.
I was still burdened by the shame.
The shame of where I had been.
What I had become.
How far I had let myself go before
Leading up to the weight loss.

You see, through the beauty of social media (aka Facebook),
I had reunited, remembered, reconnected with and reminisced
with literally hundreds of high school and college friends
who
didn't know
hadn't seen
had no idea
who I was now....
how I looked

And it's not that it mattered to them
it's not that it would have made a difference
it's not that they would have commented to me
or thought bad things
or made me feel big, or fat or ugly.
It's just that I didn't want them to remember me any way other than
before.
Who I was before.
When I was regular sized.
When I was light-hearted
and fun.
When I was depression-free
Out there, and open.
Before I hid.
Before I made excuses
Before I had lost ME under the layers of life.

Ironically, it was that same
beautiful
voyeuristic
easy-access
connect-with-everyone-you've-ever-met
social media (aka Facebook)
that gave me the nudge, support, strength and
UMPH
to re-charge, change, re-engage, re-connect and begin living again.

It was remembering
reflecting
re-living
Me Moments
Friend Moments
College Days
High School Classes
Proms
Drama
Dates
Happiness
Music
Awkwardness
Accomplishments
and the people who knew me
counted me as a friend
remembered my quirks
watched me grow up
grew up with me
faced life beside me
walked through life, puberty, graduation, boyfriends, break-ups
and
everything else
Who reminded me
of me
again.

I looked at my friends,
and it was as though
they were holding up a mirror in front of me
saying,
This is you.
THIS memory of you, is still you.
These year book images
These faded photos
These tales
These first impressions
These clubs, dorms, activities, organizations, classes we shared...they are where I have memories of you, Becky.
You are WHO I remember.
This is how I see you now.
This is who you are to me.

And when I connected with
remembered
reflected
and reminisced....
I wanted to go back.
ALL of me,
wanted to go back.

Not to 15
or 18
or 21
or 25
(I really have no interest in going backward in time.
I love where I am in my life.
I love it)
But,
I wanted to go back
to get back
to ME.
I wanted to get ME back.

So, I started from the inside
Then I went to work on the outside.
I went back in my mind and my heart.
Went back to the purest times in my life,
when I was becoming
ME
and I set out to regain those parts again.
And
I did it.

So,
YOU, old friend, are more a part of this journey than you have realized.
YOU, who are still with me, reading this blog
(or not reading it.....living completely unaware of your power and influence)
YOU are a part of my journey.

Though I was afraid, at first
to show you how I had changed
to reveal how I had in form become someone else,
it was YOU....
It was YOU who helped me change again...back to my former self.
It was YOU who helped me get inside my head and my heart
and grow back into who I really wanted to be.

So
Thank you.
Thank you for remembering me.
Reminding me.
And showing up, in your own
unaware
impacting way,
for this Dance Party for One.

Call an old friend today.
Remember the old days.
Remind yourself of your greatest memories
your funnest times
your most meaningful moments
Reflect
and remember yourself.
and go back.
Get your SELF back again.
From the inside, out.

That's all.
Be Your Best!
Becky

Note to Self (and anyone else who's reading...)

2011-07-14T21:43:00.002-04:00

Stock up on cute, flirty sundresses & halter dresses when they go on clearance.

Stop hiding your arms!

Better yet, buy a pair of 8lb dumb-bells and start doing simple sets of 15 "what-evers" with them
before you get dressed in the morning
and after you brush your teeth at night.

Touch up your roots when they start showing!

Stop going out to eat.

Eat the groceries in your pantry!

You paid good money for them.

Stop being lazy...

get up and

make something in YOUR kitchen.

Buy (& wear) a cheap pair of big hoop earrings for the pool.

Get a pair of flipflops with a little bling when they go on sale for next year at the pool.

Find a picture of the fabulous swimsuit (a two-piece!) you want for next year.

Post it some place to inspire you all summer (fall and winter) long.

Buy some lipgloss....something from the CORAL family.

Keep it in your beach/pool bag and use it liberally while you're out.

Buy a case of Fresca (Peach Citrus).

Tastes like Summer.

Commit to read a great book for each WEEK remaining in your summer.

Turn off the television and read something:

Magazines, non-fiction, even a romance novel (I mean it!)

Rent your favorite movies from the 80s.

(or whenever you were highschool)

Quote as many lines as you can remember.

Share them with your kids (if suitable).

Go out with your girlfriends.

Eat outside.

Get loud. Really loud.

Laugh Out Loud.

Call your best friend and cry.

Really Cry.

Really let it out.

She'll understand.

She might be needing a good cry, too.

Cuddle with your kids (if they'll let you).

Buy a summery scented candle

and shower gel

or bubble bath

and

escape.

Close the door to the bathroom

run yourself a warm bath.

Slice a lemon into sections,

put a spoonful of sugar on a plate

and soak your worries away

as you dredge the lemon through the sugar.
Savor the flavor.

Don't cut your hair!

Let it air dry.

Find some new way to wear it.

Buy a new hair band or clips.

Do something different with it.

Or get a straw cowboy hat and wear it.

Use lots of Aveeno body lotion.

(Put it on after you get out of the shower,

BEFORE you dry off...it'll work even better!)

Play music.

All

Summer

Long....

Play music

and sing along.

Have fun

Feel alive

Love

Smile

Breathe

Rest

Relax

Watch as many sunsets as possible.

Eat ice cream

and watermelon!

Soak in summer for all it has to offer.

Feed yourself on summer.

That's all.

Make this your best summer EVER!

Be your best!

Stop eating

and

Start feeding yourself, Becky!!!!

(and everyone else!)

Cat's Outta' the Bag

2011-06-13T20:10:00.008-04:00

Motivation

Inspiration

Calculation

Sink your anchor into any
or better yet all,
of these,
let them guide your
life choices
career choices
school choices
food choices
commitment choices
even
friend choices,

and you may just find yourself
accomplishing your goals
meeting your objectives
overcoming your obstacles
cherishing your relationships
and being the woman
you really want to be.

I know
because when I am not tapped into them,
little else seems to work
I am unable to connect
find fulfillment
manage my time
my emotions
my day-to-day life.

I need all three working in my life,
intertwined like a rope,
or a braid....

keeping the fly-aways tamed.

My daughters have gorgeous hair
in abundance
beautiful hair
which tangles and knots while they sleep
and especially, when they swim.

Since pool season is upon us,
when I remember to do so,
I braid their hair before they dive in,
and the agony of knots in (and after) showers,
are much easier to deal with.

Likewise, I need the three strands of
motivation, inspiration and calculation
to keep me strong and free and tamed.

What is your motivation today?
What are you working toward....
and why?

Your inspiration?
What is keeping you on the path?
Is your longing
your goal
your finish line
your want
something trivial?
something shallow?
something lacking soul
and heart
and reason?
What is inspiring you to continue
to push on
to stay with it
to pursue with passion?

Have you calculated the cost?
Have you put pen to paper
Penciled in dates
Assessed the true need
Asked yourself the tough questions
Sought to answers to the Whys?
Have you calculated how this will change you?
How you want to change?
What you are willing to do
to become
to grow
to live
to re-shape
redefine
rediscover
return
to you
and who you want to be?

I am in the process
I know my motivation.......

I have won a trip to Cacun
Yes.
Won it.
Won a trip to the beautiful beaches of the Gulf of Mexico!
I am turning 42
in Mexico.
I am turning 42 in Mexico,
with a very different life than when I turned 41
in Atlanta
And I am motivated to be my
Absolute
Total
100%
42-year old
living-life-to-the-fullest
learning-from-the-messes-and-successes
finding-beauty-in-the-stretch-marks
BEST
I can possibly be.

I am inspired by the time away from the chaos and duties of life
the freedom to have fun and celebrate
the joy of traveling where I have never been before
literally
and
Oh
So
Very
Symbolically.
I am inspired that I did NOTHING to earn this trip
or deserve this treat
or merit this blessing
or work for it.

I was simply smiled upon by God.
He simply whispered to me,
"This is for you.
I know where you are,
I have not forgotten you.
I see all you have been through
and know there is more to come...
but I want you to know,
I remember you.
I am terribly fond of you.
I have been here all along.
I know you better than you know yourself.
I know what you need.
I know what brings you joy.
I know what will help heal you.
I know how to reach you with My love,
and take your breath away
and give to you what you have never even asked for.
I know how to love you.
And I do.
Here....
Here's a prize.
Enjoy it.
Love it.
Plan for it.
Be inspired by it.
Be inspired by MY love for you."

So.
I am re-building my hopes
remembering my faith
breathing deeper
taking it all in
crying over good things
leaning in to His love

Feeding My Self
rather than eating in the shadows.

And I have lost 4 pounds

And I will wear a skimpy bikini in Cancun.

But I will not post pictures.

That's all.
Be YOUR best,
Becky

A Matter of Perspective

2011-05-23T20:59:00.007-04:00

I've been paying bills.
I've been working 2 jobs.
Not great jobs.
Not perfect, "I've Always Wanted to do This" jobs.
Not even jobs that pay me well.
But I have been working.
And paying bills.
On time.

And it feels....
Well,
Honestly...
It feels
Good.
It feels satisfying.
I feel satisfied when I pay my bills.

Satisfied I CAN pay my bills.
Satisfied, that my work
my little, dinky jobs
pay me money,
and that, in turn, I can pay a bill or two.

Without those jobs...
(Yikes!)
Life would be different.
I know there are those of you out there,
reading this
who are needing work
or the person you are married to, is needing work.
I know there are some of you who struggle with paying your bills.
I get that.
I know that.
I am there sometimes too.

But here is what I am realizing today,
those bills,
those papers that crowd my mailbox,
with all the dates and numbers and dollar $igns,
for simple things like
electricity, water, cell phone minutes and cable TV,
Can be viewed in at least two different ways:

1) I can see them and think, "I hate paying bills. I hate that these simple things cost me so much. WHY do I have to pay so much here, when I want to spend my money THERE? Ugh! Bills! Bills are horrible! Bills make me miserable. Bills keep me from getting to do what I really wish I could do!"

And quite honestly, this is a totally understandable to way to feel about/look at bills. But there is another way to look at them too. This is the way I look at bills now (or at least this evening, as I was setting up payments on line and writing checks...):

2) I am so glad, I can even pay this bill. I am proud of myself for the work I put in, to make the money, so I can talk on my cell phone and text my friends. I LOVE that I was able to watch the Royal Wedding, and the finales of my top shows because I had cable last month. The day I turned on the AC this month put me in such a great mood, because it meant summer is on the way! It's great to have money to pay my bills. Great to even have a job!"

I know
I know
I know....
it all sounds a little goofy.
a little too happy, perky, peppy, over-the-top.
But,
there is something to be said about trying a new perspective.

I get it:
Some bills are just too expensive.
Some fees are stupid, and outrageous and annoying
and unfair.
I'm working on my attitude with those bills.

The bills for things I've bought during the month,
the stuff I loaded in my cart, that I could have left on the shelf...
those bills....fill me with questions, little regrets and guilt.
Those bills, I need to really study
analyze
press myself to understand
and stop adding to their bottom line.

(You see where I'm going with this, don't you?
You know what point I'm about to make, right?
You can guess what's next, can't you?)

Bills=Weight
Paying Bills=Losing Weight
Perspective=Perspective

You can look at losing weight,
changing your life
working on yourself
making adjustments,
cutting back
working out
pushing away from the table
putting down the fork
leaving the sweets on the shelf at the store
Feeding Yourself, rather than eating...
in many different ways,
but TWO specifically, which will make a huge difference
(I believe)
in your success...
your long-term,
stick-with-it,
see-it-through,
change-for-good
success.

Perspective 1:
Is this journey about loss?
Feeling stressed and struggling?
Bending your will?
Fighting to beat something?
Dreading the changes?
Focusing on sacrifice?
Putting yourself down?
Doing without what you want?
Missing out on what you love?

or

Perspective 2:
This journey is about discovery, regaining, becoming
This is about choices
Choosing who I want to be
and how I am going to get there.
This is about picking myself up.
Looking at where I have been and where I am going.
Deciding what is best for me.
Wanting what is good for me.
Living in a way that adds to my life
and the meaning of my life.
I am in the middle of learning what I really want.
I am, with each decision.....closer
Closer to the finish line.
Closer to the goal.
Closer to me
Closer to the rest of my story.
Each and every bite and do (or don't) take...
Each minute I dance, or walk, or move...
or rest, reflect, question, journal, think...
Gets me further along--

Moves me away from my "Before" picture
and nearer to my "After."

It ALL adds up.
Our perspectives,
influence our attitudes
and our attitudes,
influence our actions
and our actions
are what completely affect
our results.

(read that again.....about it ALL adding up.
think about it
consider it
write it down on the first page of your journal.
I'm going to write it on my bathroom mirror
and on an index card on my frig
and on a post-it on my closet door
and on a slip of paper near my debit card in my wallet
Where will YOU put it?)

That's all.
Be Your Best,
Becky

Head's UP! Waaaaaaay Up!

2011-05-20T00:01:00.004-04:00

It's TIME.
The time has come
to
blog
again.
So here,
right here,
I declare it:

WATCH THIS SPACE!
I will begin blogging (and VLOGGING!!!) again
on....
as of...
beginning...
MONDAY, May 23rd, 2011.
And I mean it.

I will be blogging TWICE a week
(not quite as often as before).

I'll be here.
How 'bout you?
Will you join me?

Will you join me in losing 15lbs?
(or whatever YOU have to lose...or gain...or find...or discover...or release)
Because that amount...
that weight
those pounds
that mountain....
is what these past six months or so...
of silence
change
moving
laboring
crying
sadness
uncertainty
divorce (there, I said it)
singleness
decision
working (2 jobs!)
thinking
mothering
loving
re-grouping
defending
explaining
struggling
sighing
forgiving
talking
releasing
sadness
acceptance
and
so
much
more....
have added to my frame...
To me.
To who I am.
To the woman,
the mother
the gal,
I am
and want to be.

I am with you
I am in the same boat
I am working things out
I am looking at myself again
I am ready.
Ready to face myself
Ready to ask the tough questions
Ready to tell myself the truth
Ready to do the work
Make the changes
Work
Change
Think
Feel
Try
Make the Effort
Again.
Again and again.

I am ready to put it out there.
Strip it down to the truth.
Face the facts.
Do the Work
To get back.
Back to me
Back to who I want to be.

This is harder,
it's harder this time.
It is so
much harder
this
time.

The first 100 pounds were about
the past 12 years of losing me
and the past three years of
finding me
and figuring out WHY?
Why I had gained the weight
Why I had kept the weight on
Why I had decided to lose it when I did
and
What I was going to do next

Harder now, because I reached the goal,
but have
slipped back,
gained a little of it again,
given up a little
given into hopelessness
given away my confidence
felt failure
felt judgement
felt isolation
felt misunderstood
and
felt like it was no use.

Are you with me?
Have you felt what I feel?
Have you given up?
Have you all BUT, given up?

Then let's do this together!

I am here
writing again
telling the truth
letting you in on my struggle...
writing in the night,
rather than in the day
because it feels just a little safer
just a little less vulnerable
just a little less in "broad daylight"
but I am here, nonetheless
and I am ready
I am oh-so-ready
as of today....tonight, really
To make the changes and begin again.

If you have written to me,
sweet, supportive, encouraging notes...
notes of concern
notes of care
notes with questions and words of friendship....
I will get to YOU in the coming week (or so)
Your words have meant SO much to me.
I have cried
felt bolstered
squared my shoulders, held my head high....
or sunk into a place of peace and comfort...
because you have taken the time to write.
Thank you.
Thank you for the personal notes.
I have felt your friendship
and I'm truly grateful.

So.
Now.
Gather your friends.
Get your notebook. Your gum. Your lipstick.
and let's see what we can do NOW.
Get ready for Monday--
and let's starting DANCING
with all our hearts
with everything we've got....

Because we can!

That's all.
Be your best!
(see you Monday!),

Becky

Shadow Dancing

2011-03-21T12:24:00.002-04:00

It is nice to be missed.
It is comforting to receive personal notes,
messages from women who have visited this blog
and noticed I've been missing.
I sigh
and smile
and even tear up a little
when I hear from you.
Thank you.
Yep. I've been gone.

And I'm not back quite yet.
(But I will be...I will)

Without a lot of detail,
without a lot of drama
or hoopla,
I will let you in.

I am still dancing.
Slowly
Quietly

Alone.

I am still taking care of myself,
but my life is a bit sideways right now.
It is hard
and shifting (a lot).

This is not a time for high heels and red lipstick.
It is not a time for Rockstar Jeans and Jamming Tunes.
Not a time for posting inspiration or motivation.
Not a time for offering strength to others,
when I am in such need of it myself.

It is a time for
flats
or slippers
and maybe even just socks
and maybe even bare feet.

It is a time for me to focus on being a mother.
Putting my children first, without putting myself last.

I am walking more than I am dancing.
I am moving through my day
at a different pace
in a different direction than I've ever known before.

Sometimes I am sitting and just trying to listen.
At times, I am simply standing, and hoping to hear something.
Other times I am leaning against whatever I can find to hold me up.

My life
is changing.

YOU, get out and dance for me.
Dance and become.
Be free and change.
Discover who you want to be, and embrace it.

And let me hear from you.
Tell me your stories.
Inspire and motivate...me!

I'll catch up with you soon.
Very soon.

That's all.
Be Your Best!
Becky

One-Sided Conversations

2011-01-28T11:21:00.000-05:00

I talk to myself.

A lot.

All Day Long.

Every Day.

And I answer back.

It's not creepy.

It's not insanity.

It's not an issue of mine...

It is my way of focusing.

My way of staying connected.

My way of choosing

and living

and knowing

what I am doing

why I am doing it

and who I am.

I used to ignore myself.

I lost my voice.

I forgot my connection with my self.

I had thoughts,

hopes

wants

needs

and

dreams,

but they lived in my head

or in my heart

or sometimes in a notebook.

But then,

I started saying them aloud

OUT loud.

Putting them in motion.

Setting them free.

Letting them out.

And when I heard myself say them

admit them

confess them

give them life

allow them to leave my head

and my heart,

I realized,

my words

had

power.

My words had power to help me choose

to make me move

to change me

to represent myself

to share myself

remind

motivate

encourage

inspire

challenge

and

correct

ME.

I have conversations with myself when I wake up

When I am getting ready for my day

When I stand in front of an open refrigerator

When I walk into a grocery store

or a fitting room

I ask myself questions,

and I answer.

Do I really want to eat this, or do I want the way I will feel if I choose NOT to eat it?

Do I really want to spend this, or will I feel better if I wait on something else I really want?

Do I really need to let this bother me, or can I let it go and be proud of myself?

Do I really need to let this go, or do I need to face it head on and be heard?

Why am I so restless?

Why did I do that?

What do I want to really say, the next time?

When am I going to get serious about this and conquer it?

What is the most important thing for me to do with this day?

What am I going to do today for myself?

Where do I want to spend my time today?

Why do I keep falling into the same patterns?

How badly do I really want this?

Why am I choosing moment by moment, rather than planning and sticking with my plan?

How do I want to feel when I get into bed tonight, about how I lived this day?

Is this really going to make me happy?

Will I still be happy because of it, in one hour, one day, one week?

Will I wish I hadn't? Will I be frustrated with myself? Angry? Depressed? Disappointed?

So many questions.

And,

a few years ago,

I would not have been able to answer them.

A few years ago,

I didn't know myself,

didn't remember myself

didn't invest the time,

to even question....

wasn't even close to knowing myself enough

for the answers.

But now,

today,

I can answer

I can answer all of these questions.

Most of the time,

I am honest with my responses,

most of the time

but there are still times

when I trick myself

or am confused

or answer in a way that shields the truth

or is a lie.

Yep. Sometimes I even lie to myself

(and I know when I'm doing it)

When I find myself going a day or two

in silence,

without the questions

(and therefore, without any answers),

I know I have to start talking again.

Thinking

Feeling

Pausing

Reflecting

and Conversing

with me

again.

My life doesn't seem to work very well,

My time is not my own,

I seem to forget about me and come unraveled

and get irritable

and discouraged

and start eating

and forgetting

and slipping backward....

....when I give myself the silent treatment.

Stop Eating

and

Start Feeding Your Self

Talk to yourself today.

Aloud.

Out Loud.

You really are your very best friend,

once you get to know yourself.

That's all.

Be Your Best,

Becky

Overnight Success

2011-01-19T12:50:00.002-05:00

Seriously?
No such thing.
At least not in my experience.

We did not get where we are today
in one day's time.
We have arrived where we are today,
through a series of choices
circumstances
events
relationships
experiences
and
efforts
or
a lack thereof.

There are no overnight successes
and
There are no overnight
failures.

I could stop there.
But that would be so unlike me.

Wherever you are today,
do not be discouraged
do not be too discouraged.

You are changing
You are becoming
You are growing

I am reminded of the leg cramps my son gets when he is in the middle of a growth spurt.

He cries in his sleep
and wakes with pains in his legs.
We wait out the cramps,
until he can drift off and rest again.
The next day, he wants me to measure him.
He wants to know the hurt he felt,
produced something.
He wants to know how much he grew
how he changed
what the discomfort was for.
He wonders if anything happened
if it made a difference
or if he freaked out, hurt and cried
for
nothing.
I can't say that has ever been a measurable change in his height
the morning after the growing pains.
But...
I know he is three inches taller this year,
than he was last year.
So I know (and he knows)
He has grown.

You are growing too.
You can grow.
You can continue to grow
every single day.

And
You can take a break from growing,
whenever you need to
or want to.

Take a look at yourself.
Really look at YOU.
are you growing?
or do you need a break?
Are you stressing about the results you aren't seeing?
Are you giving yourself credit for the aches and pains you are going through in the process?

Give yourself some credit, Woman!
Back off the self-criticism.
Release the loathing and disappointment you tighten your heart around when you are so hard on yourself.
Take a look at yourself
and enjoy who you are
and where you are.
Breathe in deep
and give yourself
a moment to feel pleased with yourself.

And if you are close to giving up,
if you are standing still
if you are feeling stuck
if failure and hopelessness are whispering in your ear,
remember...
remember Who You Want to Be
and give yourself a pep-talk
or a kick in the _ _ _ (substitute your word here).
give yourself a do-over

and

QUIT:
blaming others
making excuses
forgetting yourself
teaching others to devalue you
thinking it can't be done
eating without hunger
stopping too soon
claiming you are working harder than you are
schlumping around looking half-dead
ignoring your needs
settling for blah rather than LIFE.

and get a good night of sleep tonight
you might be lucky enough to dream of shin splints
just to let you know
there really are changes happening in you
under your skin
in your heart
on your body.
Slowly, but surely, you are changing.

You are a success.

It just doesn't happen all at one time.

That's all.
Be Your Best,
Becky

Beginning Again

2011-01-11T10:39:00.003-05:00

The big news around here,
is that I have
LOST
TEN....
(count them with me----10!)

days.

Not pounds.
Days.

It is January 11th.
I have lost the first ten days of 2011
and I have no idea where there are
where they went
or how I really spent them.

Well, I know how I spend them
I was holiday-ing
Family-timing
playing
thinking
celebrating
and
waiting
and waiting

and

waiting.

I have been waiting for my life to go back to Normal
for the children to be back in school
(they went for four days last week & have been out for two snow days this week)
for my days to become mine again
for my house to be empty and silent
for chunks of time to be free
for bedtimes to be routine
for mornings to be orderly
for my Mondays through Fridays to be on a school clock

But it just hasn't happened so far

and I am going crazy
I am frustrated
and irritated
and coming out of my skin
and know that I must
do
something

Something about it...

Today.
Now.
THIS very moment.

I have to
Begin

in the middle of waiting
I must begin what I need to do
for ME
even while I am waiting
and attending to
and fitting in
and delaying
and feeling lost in the details

Today,
I begin writing again
I begin dancing for me again
I begin closing my door
setting boundaries
making myself take time for
my self
and setting in place, the boundaries and safeties I had in place
before.

I begin again
today,
10 days IN
to 2011

I
Will
Not
wait until the end of the day
I will not
wait until
11 days
or 31 days
or 2 months
have passed on the calendar.

Because I KNOW that I can do something today.
I KNOW there is some change I can make
some effort I can muster
some moment
some adjustment
some decision
some conscious choice
some point
in my day
in my actions
in my eating
in my activity
in my schedule
in my relationships
in my conversations
in my moments of solitude
in my morning
or my afternoon
or my evening
or my night
which will represent a beginning
a turning
a returning
a pursuing
a defining
of ME
which I have been neglecting
or avoiding
or settling for
or allowing
or forgetting
or denying
or fearing

in this state of being me.

I begin today

I will write
I will blog
I will Tweet
I will rest
I will dance
I will feed myself on the moments
I will feed myself on my music
I will feed myself on the affection of my children
the snow in my yard
the pretty nail polish I got for Christmas
the fun earrings I was putting off wearing for a special event
the Rasinets I was stashing for the next movie I'd see

Today I am beginning again
Going back to the things I wrote about for five months HERE.
I am going back to my very first post
and beginning again
I am signing up for the Dance Party, all over again.
Going back to the beginning and
beginning
again.

So,
here is my plan
I will re-read, as I blog
I will remind myself of what I said back in August
and do all the things I need and want to do in my journal.
I will add new posts
I will make adjustments
I will think again, feel again, share again
in my high heels and red lipstick

Because it's not like I (or we)
ever get to a place, where we have truly
arrived
become
accomplished
determined
finished
or
become
completely
COMPLETED.

Ever.
Each day means there is more
more to see, do,
experience and become.

And today is not the Last Day
for me....
Today is the First Day
Today I begin again.
Today is MY First Day of 2011
I don't really care about the date on the calendar

It is my day to begin.

And I just did.

I am welcoming myself back.
I am here again.

Welcome Back, Everybody.
Let's get this party started (again!)
Let's Begin Again!

That's all
Be Your Best,
Becky

We Have Winners!

2010-12-16T11:51:00.000-05:00

Decided to DOUBLE the Fun, and chose TWO winners for the Dance Party for One Favorite Things Contest! Congratulations to Becky Zemansky from GA and Kerri McCrimmon from MI! Your TREATS will be on their way SOON!

Pirate Ponderings & 2010 Wrap Up!

2010-12-15T12:49:00.000-05:00

My Victory Lap - 100 lbs. Weight Loss Dance Party for One

2010-12-15T08:44:00.000-05:00

For those who caught this morning's FOX News Rising and are wanting to know more about my story...here it is. Welcome to the Party....Dance Party for One!

Just Because I'm Thinking of You...

2010-12-09T13:07:00.001-05:00

The holidays can be tough.
Not just in the over-eating (rather than feeding)
or over-spending sense...
but in the
I'm sad
and lonely
and miss my family
or ache for the family I've lost
kind of way.

So,
I was thinking the other day
about how I have felt at different times of my life,
during different years
at the holidays...
and I sat down and wrote this (on my other blog where I write for myself)
for you,
in case you need it.
Especially, if you need it.

Just in case.
From me
to you.

MY Favorite Things

2010-12-08T09:25:00.000-05:00

Twelve Tune Tuesday: Top 12 of Two Thousand Ten (Kinda)

2010-12-07T09:30:00.001-05:00

Here is a simple list.

Just went to my iTunes library and picked from the Most Played 100 songs,

Twelve of the Most Played songs, I like to play when I dance.

This time, I am listing them from 12 to 1

#1 is the THE song in my library with the MOST plays of all

(THE number one song of the thousands I possess!)

I edited out the more mellow songs,

and rounded out the list with ONLY up-tempo, dance-able music.

So,

Here's the list of 12 of my most played...

not ALL of my favorites are on the list...

but, these got the most play time!

How 'bout you?

Can you make an end-of-the-year retrospective

of YOUR most-played songs?

It might give you a picture of your life, set to music for the year!

Judge Me Not (please?!?)

Top Twelve of Two-Thousand-Ten

12. Butterfly - Jason Mraz

11. Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It) - Beyonce

10. Boom Boom Pow - Black Eyed Peas

9. I Feel Good - Mary J Blige

8. A Little Less Conversation - Elvis

7. Kiss - Prince

6. Empire State of Mind - Jay-Z

5. Put It in a Love Song - Alicia Keys

4. The One - Mary j. Blige and Drake

3. Grown Woman - Mary J. Blige

2. Big Girls Are Best - U2

1 Shake Me Like a Monkey - Dave Matthews (How much MUST I love this song, for it to be #1?)

Oh, if you're AT ALL interested in what my list looked like last year feel free to check out my other blog. I posted a list last December of 70 songs by 70 artists I was listening at the time. Just a little trivia for inquiring minds!

That's all.

Be Your Best!

Becky

Chairman of the Board

2010-12-01T15:45:00.000-05:00

Twelve Tune Tuesday: On Dancer! On Prancer!

2010-11-30T13:15:00.001-05:00

With the THOUSANDS of Christmas songs out there,
I am hard-pressed to come up with a collection of 12
designed exclusively for Dance Party for One,
But alas, I have done my best.

Here are 12 for you.
Christmas Movers.
Not inspiring.
Not solemn.
Not spiritual.
But FUN!

Make your own playlist of your favorite holiday songs,
and MOVE around while to decorate your house.
Play them in your car and move (a little), while you drive.
Play them in the morning when you are getting ready.

The final song,
is simply
my most-played song from Christmas last year.
I recommend the entire album.
But
I.
Love.
This.
Song.
Love it 'til it hurts.
Just do.

Listen to the first 12.
The 13th is just there because it's my list.

On Dancer! On Prancer!
(That means you're supposed to dance and prance to these!)

1. Santa Baby - Eartha Kitt
2. All I Want for Christmas is You - Mariah Carey
3. It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas - Harry Connick
4. Santa Bring My Baby Back (to Me) - Elvis Presley
5. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) - U2
6. We Wish You a Merry Christmas - Weezer
7. Hey Santa! - Straight No Chaser
8. Santa Claus is Back in Town - Elvis Presley
9. Jingle Bell Rock - Bobby Helms
10. Step into Christmas - Elton John
11. Santa Claus is Comin' to Town - Bruce Springsteen
12. Must Be Santa - Bob Dylan
13. Wintersong - Sarah McLachlan

That's All.
Be Your Best
(and send me your 10 Favorite Things List - TODAY!!!),

Becky

The Two Go Hand-in-Hand

2010-11-29T09:45:00.005-05:00

Maybe I'm assuming too much.
Maybe it's just me.
Maybe I am the only one.
But...
Here is one thing I know:
(about me)
(not necessarily about you)
(but I'm going to blog about it anyway)
(I'm going to address it here, just in case...)

During all the years when I was EATING myself to a place of numbness,
All-the-while I was EATING rather than feeding my SELF,
I was also
Spending
like crazy.

I was shopping
and buying
and collecting
and purchasing
and CHARGING
and filling up...
on
stuff.

And I was filling my children up
with stuff.

I hated trying on clothing for me, because I hated
my size
my options
my stores
my head-to-toe look.
OK, maybe I didn't hate all that.
I didn't really hate me.
I still loved and liked me,
but I was very saaaaad about me...
sad about how I looked
sad about my face
sad about my body
sad about my waist
my butt
my boobs
my chins
my hair
my legs
I was just sad about it
all.

So,
I didn't buy a lot of clothes for me

I bought a lot of stuff for me:
for my house
for my craft room
for my daughters
for my son
for trips
for friends
for parties

And a lot of it...
was just to
Fill
Me
Up.

My husband had a good job,
so I had extra money to do so.
But then, I spent even more than we had
and that was not good.

My spending was just another means
of eating
rather than feeding.
It was a means of consuming.
Rather than feeding
I consumed stuff.

And the internet made it
oh
so
easy
to
do

I didn't have to leave my house!!!
Didn't have to take a shower, get ready, look at myself in the mirror...
SEE how I looked.
I didn't have to try things on in a fitting room
(in one of those tiny, poorly lit, mirror-covered cubes)
(I dreaded the 3-way mirrors the most).
I could sit at my computer,
look at the models on the screen
punch in my credit card number
and get excited about the UPS guy delivering me a package
in a few days.
Oh, how the internet FED my habit..

...while I was EATING through our money.

So,
here I sit
On Cyber Monday.
With an inbox filled with
OPPORTUNITIES to
Save Big!
Stock Up!
Get it all Done!
and
$pend money
we don't have this year.

My husband lost his job this month.
We have money set aside for Christmas.
A real budget.
A nice Christmas.
He and I are giving up Christmas for our kids.
He is home for the first Christmas season in FOUR years.
We are going to shop together
Go to the stores together
Pick out each present together
Wrap the gifts together
We have already decorated together
That is his Christmas gift to me.
It costs nothing for him to give me this gift
but it FEEDS me more than I can even express.
It FEEDS us.
It will fill us.
It is more of Christmas than we have shared since we were a couple with no children.

This Christmas,
I am feeding myself.
I am feeding myself:
the warmth of him.
the simplicity of a reasonable,
responsible Christmas.
I am feeding myself
the time I get to spend with my children
the time I get with Mike
the time we share as a family.

(As I mentioned in last week's vlog)
I am headed into this holiday season
COMPLETELY CONFIDENT,
I will not gain weight.
Really.
Seriously.
Not even worried about it.

I know my source...
My source for happiness and peace and joy and satisfaction
is NOT food.
Food is a part of the celebrations.
I WILL celebrate with food.
But the food,
in and of itself
is NOT the celebration.
It is not the resource for my happiness
and
neither is the spending
or the shopping.

Food
and
Spending
will leave you empty
every
time.

Every
Single
Time...
you will want more
you will run out
because
they
cannot satisfy

I've said enough.

No journal assignment this time.
Just think.
All I ask you to do,
is
think
(This is actually, A LOT to ask).

Look at your holiday plans for shopping
and eating
and think.

See if there is a connection
a pattern
a way you lived in the past
(especially this time of year)
before today
before now,
where you filled up with EATING
and/or SPENDING...
or
drinking
or Ba-Humbugging
or jealousy
or complaining
or sadness
or discontent
or disillusionment
or anger
or loneliness
or chaos
or stress
or activities
or busyness
or obligations
or people
or dysfunctional gatherings
or ________________
(you fill in the blank, you know yourself better than I do)

Think about what YOU
have filled up on,
in past holiday seasons
and decide what you are going to
Feed
Your
Self
This time.

That's all.
Be Your Best!
Becky

Oh, and remember to enter the Favorite Things contest here. SOMEONE is going to win...why not you? I'll add a written post detailing the info on THURSDAY. Send your list to danceparty4one@gmail.com by December 15, 2010

Trimming Tips Between the Turkey & Tinsel

2010-11-24T11:40:00.000-05:00

Twelve Tune Tuesday: Giving Thanks for These

2010-11-23T11:24:00.002-05:00

This week's DP41 Playlist is a collection of folks I've seen in concert in the past year or so. These are folks I've paid to see, and would pay to see again and again. They make me move, cry, feel and remember. Not all are Boogie Bands---but they have moved me in one way or another! Make YOUR list from the ones you like, and know that THESE songs are playing in MY ears for the next week. I'm giving thanks for THEM and for YOU and for all the wonderful things I've been through and a part of This Year!

Happy Thanksgiving 2010!

Giving Thanks With:

1. Different Kind of Fine - Zac Brown Band

2. Shake Shake Mamma - Bob Dylan

3. Jack and Diane - John Mellencamp

4. No Bad News - Patty Griffin (OK, I didn't see her, but I am thankful for her nonetheless)

5. No Where to Go - Joshua Radin

6. Undisclosed Desires - Muse

7. Walk On - U2

8. The Charging Sky - Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins (saw The Watson Twins)

9. Short Skirt/Long Jacket - Cake (didn't see them either, but they KILL me...and you may eat some CAKE over Thanksgiving, so there's a loose connection)

10. Come Together - The Beatles (I saw Crystal Bowersocks do this one, NOT the Beatles...duh!)

11. Hallelujah, I Love Her So - Ray Charles (Saw him AGES ago--ADORE him!)

12. Lie in Our Graves - Dave Matthews Band (This is a Thanksgiving Theme song for ME!)

45 minutes of Folks for Whom I'm Thankful!

Quite a variety of sounds and themes in that list! Take a minute to make YOUR OWN playlist of groups/artists you are thankful for THIS year (or always)!

Glass Houses, Cats & Pilgrims

2010-11-22T19:42:00.004-05:00

It's almost Thanksgiving
The perfect (and predictable) time to make
a traditional "What I am Thankful for..." List.

I kind of feel like I already did that,
with my 100 pound list, so I am not going to do it yet again.
I am however going to make a list.

A confessional list
of THINGS I used to do,
which I no longer do.
A list of patterns, habits, stuff...
that were a part of me before,
but are not a part of me now
(most of the time...I mean, we all have relapses now and again, right?)

So
here is my, "What I am Thankful I No Longer Do" List
(It's short, but kind of tough for me to come clean about)

I am Thankful I No Longer:

* Head to the Drive Thru and order Value Meals between lunch and dinner.
* Hide the wrappers/boxes/cups from these EXTRA MEALS from my family (at the bottom of the trash can in the garage, or in trash cans out side of stores I stop at before heading home).
* Eat the equivalent of a meal while making dinner for my family.
* Finish the leftovers while straightening the kitchen after dinner.
* Eat 3+ slices of pizza at a sitting.
* Eat 3+ donuts at a sitting.
* Lie about what I've eaten, or how much.
* Wake myself up in the middle of the night and walk down the kitchen to sneak Pop-tarts, cookies, chips and whatever I could find in the frig.

(My palms are sweaty
and my pulse has quickened
because I've just said all this.
I've told the truth
about me...
And most of the people closest to me,
have no idea
I used to do these things...
and sometimes still want to do them
but just don't anymore.
No idea.)

I know, to some of you reading this,
these confessions are startling.
The thought that anyone would DO
any of the things I listed
(much less, ALL of the things I listed),
is a little bewildering.

But to others,
Now you know
You
Are
Not
The Only One.

You
Are
Not
Alone.

Some of you cannot imagine polishing off 6 donuts
or eating food in the middle of the night
or hiding Whopper wrappers from your family.

But some of you can.
Because some of you do, too.

And...
There is one other thing I must say
I am Thankful I No Longer Do
and
for it,
I am the most, deeply
thankful.

In fact, the years (a decade worth)
of living the way I lived
and
the year and a half
of changing the way I changed
and the daily, conscious effort it takes
to stay living changed, and as I am
IS WORTH IT ALL--
For. This. One. Thing.

Every year
Every change
Every decision
Every challenge it takes to stay
has led me to be

Thankful
I
No
Longer
Judge.

Today
now
at this point--
I have walked (lived), in an assortment of different "shoes,"
and
today
now
at this point--

I realize I have no right to judge you, as a woman
for where you are, who you are, or what you do.

I have been blessed to have been allowed to live
Nine Lives in the past 40+ years.
(As much as I dislike cats, this is about the best
metaphor I can conjure to represent my story.)

And, from living these 9 lives,
I know what it is like
how it feels
how it hurts
how it stings

to be
judged

for being,

Fat
and
Thin

AND...
a Yankee & a Southerner
prudish & wild
boisterous & quiet
strong & vulnerable
driven & lazy
too conservative & too liberal
too young & too old
traditional & progressive
fearless & afraid
a loner & the life of the party
faith-full & faithless

while also being judged as...
too religious
too open
too sensual
too funny
too deep
too emotional
too passionate
too flirtatious
too aggressive

or
depressed
lonely
provocative
out-there
irreverent
searching
selfish

and
just about
everything else.

Because,
I am (or have been)
ALL
of those
things

And at one time or another,
I have judged
others
for being those very things.
Before
I walked in their shoes
Before
I acknowledged how very much it hurt.

How much it hurt me,
and how much I hurt them.

I have yet to figure out
if I am judged more now because of who I am,
or if I was judged more then, before I changed.

I do know I was more of a Pleaser, then.
I wanted everyone to be happy,
and happy with me.
I wanted acceptance from others
and for their opinions of me to be favorable.
I wanted to make sure
No One had a good reason to judge me.
I guess, because I knew, I was judging them for so much.

All that is to say,
I am thankful for the changes.
Thankful for the freedom
Thankful for the opportunity
to let you know me
and not be afraid of what you will think,
when I share with you,
the truth about me...
where I have been
what I have done
and who I am devoted to being from here on out.

I am filled with thanks.
I am Thankful.

That's all.
Be your best,
Becky

OH, if you haven't already, be sure to check out the contest I am running here on the blog! Be sure to enter your list by December 15, 2010 to WIN!

Brown Paper Packages - CONTEST!!!! (AND Dance Party TIPS you NEED)

2010-11-17T10:39:00.000-05:00

Twelve Tune Tuesday: Bono-licious Booty Shakers

2010-11-16T07:04:00.002-05:00

Here's a NEW Addition to the Dance Party for One Blog...A WEEKLY TUESDAY POST! But not just any ol' kind of post...Tuesday is going to be a THEME DAY! Just as Wednesday's blog is now set aside to be a Video Blog Post (VLOG)...

Each Tuesday
is going to be
ALL
About
Music!

Dance Party Music!

I've heard from several of you who want to know what I LISTEN TO when I am having my own little dance party, so I've decided to fill you in on how I
Get Down
Get With It
Shake My Groove Thing
and
Freak Out!

Here's the way this is gonna work:
EACH and every Tuesday, I will post a dozen songs...
(thus the title: Twelve Tune Tuesday)
revolving around a specific theme, or artist.
YOU are free to make your own playlist from these songs,
or just pick and choose as you go from any of the lists.

EVENTUALLY, I will be REQUESTING YOUR PLAYLISTS!
I would love to hear what YOU are listening to!
What is getting YOU moving?
On Tuesdays in 2011, I will post YOUR 12 tunes on Tuesdays!
Start sending them in ANYTIME!
I have started an email account JUST FOR YOU
For DP41
For US!

danceparty4one@gmail.com

Send me lists,
pictures (before and after)
stories
testimonials
questions and comments
ideas for topics on the VLOG or here on the blog
ANYTHING you want to see, hear or get from this SPOT!

THIS is where WE can connect with each other!
This is what will make THIS blog--YOURS!

But, back to the music....
I love music
I connect with music
Music connects ME to myself
to my emotions
to the world around me
to the people I love
to the woman I want to be
to my past
and my present

When I look back at my hardest, heaviest, heart-achiest times
in the past,
specifically during the years I feel like I lost ME,
I realize how silent those years were
how music-less those years were
how little time I spent listening to music
how often my home, my car, my time was filled with their music
and not mine.

I remember a time when I knew music
I got music
I was into music
I got to know people through the music they listened to
I related to people, understood myself & lived through the music I heard

and then I forgot.
I forgot about music

When I started remembering me again,
pursuing My Self, again...
It was music that revived me.
Really.
It was new music,
old music
favorite music
the music of my youth
the music of people I loved
the music of people who loved me
that ushered in a whole new sense of
Me
Again.

No lie,
My iTunes library has DOUBLED in the two years since I have been
changing me
losing weight
discovering and becoming
Who I am today...
Who I wanted to be

Music healed me
Set me free.
Re-directed
focused
comforted
assured
strengthened
and
restored
Me

So
Here I go.
Letting you in.
Letting you know who I am
by sharing what I listen to
who I listen to
and what they do for me, with their words
and their beats.

Some Tuesdays, I will list songs and artists only.
Other days, I will go into detail as to WHY the songs made the list
Some Tuesdays I'll get personal and share the gut-wrenching songs I turn to when I hurt and need comfort.

Some upcoming 12 Tune Tuesdays to look forward to:
* Everything Elvis
* 80s Eclectic
* Wedding Reception/Prom Must-Haves
* Kicka$$ Girl Groups
* PMS Mix
* Yes, I Listen to Rap List
* Too Sad to Dance, So I'll Just Sit Here and Cry Songs
* Dance with Your Kids Tunes
* I Love Being a Woman Selections
* I'm Too Sexy for This Playlist
* and MORE
(AND what YOU send in!)

Excited?
I am!
After I post a list, it will become MY Dance Party Playlist for that week,
so if YOU choose to upload the tunes for yourself,
we'll be hosting our own parties,
and shakin' it to the same tunes
in our own corners of the world!
Cool?
Cool!!

THIS week...
The Premiere "Twelve Tune Tuesday" DP41 Playlist
simply
MUST
be
a
collection
of my
favorite
DANCE PARTY songs
by
U2
(of course)!!!

So, put on your heels (sexy boots), smooth on your lipstick, slip into something sexy, fix your hair, close the door, get in front of the mirror and dance your heart out. Feed yourself a little fun and enjoy Sir Bono!

12 Bono Beats Making Me Move
(as if I Bono himself isn't enough!)
1. Big Girls are Best (a little hard to find, B side of Stuck in a Moment)
2. Elevation
3. Mysterious Ways
4. Get on Your Boots
5. Vertigo
6. Stand Up Comedy
7. Desire
8. Even Better than the Real Thing
9. Trip Through Your Wires
10. Gloria
11. I'll Go Crazy if I Don't Go Crazy Tonight
12. Wild Honey (A mellow one, to make you "sway")
13. Elevation (listen to it again....it is my favorite U2 song to dance to! In case you can't find Big Girls are Best)
48 minutes of Bonolicious Booty Shakers!

Feel free to add your own favorite U2s here....These are just 12 of my favorites!

Be Your Best!
Becky

Number 4 is a Doozy!

2010-11-15T12:10:00.004-05:00

Well, what I thought would NEVER happen, has happened.
He asked for help.
He asked me for advice
He wants to join the party
My husband.

Apparently, he thinks we're having a little more fun than him,
and he doesn't want to miss out.
So, he asked me what he needs to do to enlist in
Becky's Boot Camp.
(He has changed the name for himself, as to escape having to run out and get lipgloss and high heels.)

So, I'm embarking on a new path with him.
I am SUPPLEMENTING
the DP41 plan, for HIM.
For Dudes.
For GUYS.
So, if you have one (a guy that is),
or if you ARE one (and have been reading and watching on the sly),
Now is your moment to step out of the shadows,
and make yourself known.
(All two of you)

And women,
if you have yet to REALLY dive in:
heart first,
head second,
and body last,
and want to start NOW...
GO ahead and do it!

Mike is running to the store to buy a journal, as I type.
(I refuse to even BEGIN with him, unless he has a journal).
A Superhero spiral caught my eye the other day, and he is on a quest to find it for himself before lunch today.

Before he left for the store, I asked him some questions to consider while he drives. Hopefully, he will have some answers for me when he returns, and can record them in his Justice League Log (this is what we will call his MANLY journal from now on...)

Please ask yourself these same questions and ponder your responses. Write out your thoughts, being as honest with yourself as possible...

1) Why? Why OTHER than dropping pounds on a scale, do you WANT to do this? (if you need a few springboard ideas to get yourself started as to the "WHYs" go back and check out my "100 Results" list, it might point out what is possible for YOU too! Mike has already said, he wants to wake up not feeling SORE every morning. He wants his knees to have less stress on them. He wants to have more energy. How 'bout you? What are the physical, emotional and mental reasons you want this? LIST THEM!!!

2) When in your adult life, did you put on the greatest MASS of weight? What were the circumstances in your life at that time? What were your work circumstances, relational circumstances, emotional circumstances and spiritual circumstances?

3) What do YOU think are the causes for YOU being where you are today, in terms of your BODY, your WEIGHT, your FEELINGS ABOUT YOURSELF? WHY are you HERE right now? What decisions, habits, patterns and thoughts, LED you here...to THIS point...where there are things CHANGE-WORTHY about YOU...about YOUR LIFE? (Remember please, that this is not ALL about weight. In fact, I believe weight is the simplest thing to change about yourself. It's ALL the other stuff that is HARD to change!)

and finally...

4) What are you prepared to do? What time allotment are you willing to invest in this...in YOU? How much are you willing to change, or put into CHANGING, to get results? On a scale of 1 to 10, how SERIOUS is this for you (1 being mildly important, 10 being I want this for myself more than any other single thing in my life).

That last question (number 4), and your answers to it...is the REAL doozy. The first three questions, are FACT-finding questions. They are information-gathering, personal-assessing, analytical questions. These are the questions we tend to be able to answer more quickly. Easier. Though some of the answers to these questions require confessional responses, most of us are willing to "go there" and give answers, because no one is going to see our journals anyway, and our answers aren't really surprises to ourselves (well, maybe they are, if we haven't stopped ourselves and asked them before)....

But
number 4.
That one is the doozy

Number 4 is about the future.
It is not about the past
or what got you here
or why you are where you are.

Number 4
is about
where you are going.

It is about
how you are going to get there
and
IF
you are going to get there.

Because,
as I've said before,
it is not about your diet...
your specific exercise...
your PLAN...

It is about
YOU

Are you
REALLY, truly, honestly
GOING
to pursue this,
pursue YOUR SELF
through WHATEVER food choices you make,
physical activity you undertake,
relationship shifts you determine,
personal changes you internalize???

It all comes down to
YOU and
HOW BADLY you want to change.

Personal story...
I was overweight for many years.
MANY years.
Not a year went by, when I didn't gain
at least some weight.
I would catch a glimpse of myself in the window of a building and gasp at my reflection.
I'd get ready in the morning, see myself in the mirror, shake my head at myself
and move on to start my day.
I remember trying on clothes in a fitting room and holding in tears.
I remember times when I couldn't hold back the tears.
I remember going up size, after size.
I remember that awful scraping sound of the metal hangers sliding across the pole of the clothing rack in the women's department as I moved from the smaller plus sizes to the larger plus sizes, hoping they even HAD my size.
(That sound of metal hangers sliding on a metal pole, still gets to me!)

And for years,
I remember
saying to myself,
and sometimes out loud to Mike,
"I will NOT be fat forever."
and then I would add, from a very honest place in my heart
(again, for years),
"But, I'm not ready yet.
There WILL come a day, when I am ready.
I will stop all of this, one day.
But it's not now.
Not yet.
I am NOT going to die this way.
I AM going to get it together.
But I'm not going to play around with it,
and say I'm ready when I'm not.
I'm not going to pretend,
and start
and ACT like I really want to change
WHEN the fact is,
I don't.
I don't really want to change
yet.
I am not yet ready to pay the price,
face my fears,
make the changes I'd have to make
or become who I know I'd have to be
to change.
Yet.
BUT, I KNOW
there will come a day when I am ready.
And there will be no stopping me....
then."

For me,
all the gasps, and sighs, and held-back tears,
and head-shaking-at-myself, and shame,
and personal disappointment, and "I'm such a loser" feelings
I felt
Were not enough reason to change.
They were not enough.
Pain and shame were not my motivators.
Fat was not my motivator.
Being a size 22 was not a motivator.
Weighing over 250 pounds was not a motivator.
Having children to raise,
A husband to love
and great faith in my God
Were
Not
Enough.
These were not my
Motivators.

The Woman
I was INSIDE,
The Woman
who was aching
longing
screaming
and
begging
to GET OUT AGAIN
and
Start Living
Start Being
Start Loving
and Dancing
and Playing
and Reaching
and Smiling
and Savoring
and Touching
and Feeling...
That Woman
was
and
IS
My Motivator.
She was ready.
She wanted it more than she wanted ANY OTHER THING for herself.

I was at a 9 (on that scale of 1 to 10)
when I asked myself Number 4.
I was there.
I spent a few weeks (months?)
AT a 9,
before I started.
Remember, I said this before,
I picked a day.
I marked it on the calendar
I stuck all of my courage into the ground,
like a sticking post...
and began the process of changing.
And I
have
NOT
looked
back
since.

I have rested from time to time.
I have plateaued.
I have paused.
I have assessed.
I have been discouraged.
I have felt weak.
I have considered looking back
I have contemplated stopping where I stood
But have NOT
EVEN ONCE
wanted to GO BACK
to who I was then
or how I lived my life
or what I used to do
Before.
That is not an option for me.
Going back is not an option.

So.
Number 4.
What is your answer?
What are you willing to do?
When are you willing to start?
How ready Are You?

My challenge....
START thinking about it.
Take this holiday season, and think
really think
make the decision to choose honesty.
Be truthful with yourself about what you want,
why you want it,
and what you are willing to pay
in terms of sweat, tears, change and love
to get it.

And pick a date.
Pick a date to get serious
about YOU.
About who you want to be.
Pick a date
and start
THEN.

Mike is back with his Superman Notebook.
Let's see how he's done with his questions.
I'll keep you posted!

That's all.
Be Your Best,
Becky

Being Schooled

2010-11-08T13:31:00.004-05:00

Ok. Folks
In about 30 minutes, I'm being picked up for a three-day event
A blogging event
Sponsored by Coca-Cola
and BlogHer (major blogging name here, for your info)
I was invited.
One of 15 women, nationwide.
All expense paid.
I'll be treated well.
I'm being whisked away,
driven to a hotel
dining in nice places
networking, hob-nobbing, and rubbing shoulders with some of the big kids

I'm the Newbie
The Rookie
The Oh-So-Green, Wet-Behind-the Ears
Baby Blogger
This blog, Dance Party for One,
is 75 DAYS old...
75, puny, short days YOUNG!
There are ladies whom I'll keep company who have
YEARS of experience in this.
THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of readers
HUNDREDS of followers.
I CANNOT wait to learn from them
Find out what I can do to improve
Get to know their stories
and grow, grow, grow.

I plan on coming back Inspired
and ready
Ready for whatever is next.
Ready to inspire YOU
and take us wherever YOU want to go!
I'll post newsy stuff in the next couple of days
when I get a moment to breathe!
I'm planning on taping the next VLOG from the fancy-schmancy hotel.

I am beyond excited about this opportunity~
Out of My Skin, happy!
I'm taking YOU
and your stories
with me....because
8,000 "hits" in 75 days, is no small thing
It is actually a bit ridiculous.
74 followers?
(One for almost every day this BLOG has been a blog)
and lots of uncounted lurkers, from 15 NATIONS!!!
Are nothing insignificant
It is all something
All of it, is something
YOU are something
We are something

Every pound
Every change
Every pause
Every thought
Every pursuit
Every conscious decision
COUNTS
It all matters
There is no Small Stuff here, people...

Think of the possibilities
Imagine the outcomes
Dream of where you want to be THIS time next year
Dare to believe you can make the changes you desire
Invest in yourself
Pursue Your Self, again
or
for the Very First Time Ever.

Begin again
Do over
Start today
Be
Who
You
Want
to
Be
NOW!

I am doing the same thing
Today
and from now on!

That's all.
Be Your Best,
Becky

Tossing Around the Ol' Pigskin (Or "Getting Some Vitamin D")

2010-11-03T14:52:00.000-04:00

100 of the BEST Results of Losing 100 lbs.

2010-11-02T20:27:00.002-04:00

I am re-posting this FIRST post on Dance Party for One, for those who are taking a look at the blog for THIER first time. THIS is where this blog started. Now almost 2 1/2 months later and 8,000 views strong, this list, got the ball rolling, the questions being asked and the blog being written.

Welcome.
Thank you for stopping by.
Take a moment to watch the Youtube clip on this page.
Sign in to follow along.
Start at the very beginning, or jump in wherever you feel comfortable.

I am thrilled you are here!
Be Your Best!
Becky

100. Being able to post before and after pics
99. Not having to hide behind other people when cameras are flashing
98. Having one chin
97. No longer having to buy WIDE shoes (because my feet went down a size and width)
96. Having a neck
95. Wearing belts
94. Discovering it's easy to climb a flight of stairs without gasping
93. Double-takes in the mirror because I don't recognize myself
92. Trying on smaller and smaller (and smaller) sizes
91. Looking forward to bathing suit shopping
90. Surprising friends (and non-friends) who haven't seen me in a long time
89. Getting on the scale at the doctor's office, and being happy
88. Riding a roller coaster, and listening to the harness go: click, click, click, click, click... (instead of hoping it catches after ONE click)
87. Having normal sized eyes in my head, instead of squinty ones
86. My children saying I'm pretty
85. Liking what I see in the mirror
84. Having a selection of stores for shopping
83. Posing for pictures with my old jeans, like they do on TV
82. Recognizing MY problems are of MY own making
81. Feeling like I can do ANYTHING
80. Inspiring others
79. Off-the-charts confidence
78. Discovering my husband, re-discovering ME!
77. No longer having migraines
76. Being able to walk without my thighs rubbing together
75. Knowing I look better at 40, than I did at 30...and 20...and 15...
74. Wanting to meet new people, rather than hiding
73. Finding creative ways to reward myself for every 10 pounds I lost
73. Filling my closet with color, rather than always wearing black
72. Knowing I am FINALLY, on the outside, who I've always been, on the inside
70. Admitting it is a CHOICE to live as a victim and resist change
69. Going strapless
68. Dropping 8 sizes
67. ENERGY
66. Having a husband who can't keep his hands off me
65. My children being able to completely wrap their arms around my waist and hold on to their own elbows
64. Sitting comfortably in movie theatre seats
63. Going down two ring sizes
62. Learning I can refuse to give up, sit back or wallow in SELF
60. Being proud of myself
59. Waking up NOT SORE in the morning
58. Not sweating (as much!)
57. Celebrating it as a permanent change, because I took 18 months to do it
59. Embracing and accepting that I really can re-start my life whenever I choose
58. Finding mental, emotional and physical strength I never knew I had
57. Feeling and being emotionally free and open
56. Knowing my husband is proud of me
55. Finding supportive friends in new places
54. Letting people in on my struggles, rather than shutting them out
53. Clear skin
54. Having a better body than ever before in my life
53. Watching The Biggest Loser and knowing I did it, without a trainer, chef, surgery or diet
52. Watching The Biggest Loser and NOT thinking, "One Day I will do that..."
51. Getting a part-time job so I can buy new clothes
50. Giving my clothes away when they get too big
49. Liking Every Single Item in my closet
48. Dressing like a woman instead of a mom
47. Having a waist
46. Discovering my legs are a lot better than I thought
45. Realizing how much my weight, was weighing me down emotionally
44. Understanding my weight had become a suit of armor I used to protect myself
43. Re-learning how to shop and dress for my body-type
42. Finding out I ACTUALLY have a body type
41. Having a man ask for my phone number at the grocery store
40 Having a stranger buy me a dozen roses at another grocery store
39. Seeing a surprised look from people when they find out I have four kids (as they give me the "once-over" from head to toe)
38. Celebrating Every Single Day of My Life, Because I Took It Back, and Became ME, Again!
37. Shopping at Victoria's Secret
36. Strutting around in things from Victoria's Secret
35. Rediscovering my love of music...and dancing
34. Not being fat
33. Getting clothes for Christmas instead of "stuff"
32. Putting my 11 year-old son on my back and walking around for ten minutes...to remind me I carried THAT much extra weight for a decade
31. Drinking LESS wine, and it having a stronger effect (who am I kidding, I don't drink any less than before)
30. Eating cheesecake, donuts, nachos and Reese's without fear that I'm going to gain it all back if I treat myself, every now and then.
29. Decreasing my risk of diabetes
28. Knowing I've set a good example for my daughters by taking responsibility for, and control of, my health
27. Knowing my children are not embarrassed by my size (now I can embarrass them in other ways)
26. Feeling beautiful
25. Believing this is just the beginning of new things in my life
24. Watching 90% less TV (my favorite snacking time), and it not bothering me one bit
23. Buying fashion magazines and attempting what I see
22. Not feeling jealous or envious of women who managed to lose their pregnancy weight and look great as moms
21. Connecting with the woman in me and becoming a better wife and mother, because of it
20. Not having to unbutton my pants after eating out
19. Realizing mayo doesn't really change the flavor of a great burger, so I can leave it off
18. Finding myself getting cold on a chilly night and needing to wear socks to bed.
17. Choosing to NEVER look SCHLUMPY again, because I did that for 10 years and looked like crap most of the time
16. Wearing my hair pulled back, and liking my face
15. Wearing my hair straight because I don't have to hide behind big hair
14. Growing my hair past my shoulders because I like how it looks on my smaller face
13. Climbing on top of the house to hang Christmas lights without being afraid I'll step through the roof
12. Looking FORWARD to being 45 and 50 and 55 and so on...because Everything is Different now. I am different...now.
11. Not having to come up with "funny" one liners about my size and weight--getting to think of one-liners that are actually FUNNY and not self-deprecating

AND THE TOP 10 GREATEST RESULTS OF LOSING 100 POUNDS:

10. Feeling TALL (for the first time), rather than BIG-BONED

9. Getting to post this:
I currently weigh
30 pounds less than on my wedding day
35 pounds less than when I graduated from college
20 pounds less than I did on the day a boyfriend told me he might be more attracted to me if I'd lose ten pounds (stupid that I remember this almost 20 years later...but sometimes words hurt and linger long after break-ups.)
(By the way, I forgive you...I realize you were young then and didn't know better--right?)
and
12 pounds less than when I graduated from high school.
I am not skinny, nor do I want to be,
but I do wear the same size jeans
I wore when I was 13,
in the 8th grade

8. Knowing my husband weighs a WHOLE lot more than me...NOW

7. Having collar-bones

6. Wearing VERY high heels and boots, because in them, I look taller, thinner and sexier...and my feet don't hurt because there are 100 fewer pounds bearing down on them.

5. Getting a tattoo to commemorate, mark and celebrate the whole experience of meeting my goals and changing my life.

4. Being surprised by an amazing, powerful love for myself and from others I never knew before.

3. Gaining the courage to post this list--letting everyone know what I've accomplished, because the shame I felt about NEEDING to lose 100 pounds, is now a part of my PAST, my HISTORY, my STORY, and it does not define ME, my PRESENT or my FUTURE.

2. Recognizing that overcoming the greatest struggle and area of personal disappointment/failure I have felt in my entire life, is worth shouting, singing, dancing and blogging about--even if it means people who didn't know it, find out I used to be really fat.

1. Knowing that no matter what,
completely regardless of the 100 pounds,
even if I hadn't lost the weight,
even if I needed to lose 200 or 600 pounds,
and never
even tried
to lose it,
God loves me
and gave His Son to, and for me
to make me right with Him.

Knowing that God looks at my heart,
and
loves me
because of Who HE is,
and
finds me to be pleasing because of Jesus.

Knowing that He knows
and
loves me...
and
is
very
fond
of me.
No matter what.

Resting in the assurance,
confidence
and truth
that my body is just a shell, anyway
A house-of-sorts, for my soul.
A temporary place where my spirit and His, reside.
For now...
Until one day,
when I am greeted
face to face
with open arms
by Him...

Weightless
Healthy
Flawless
and
Whole
for all eternity

That is worth more than 100 Million pounds of gold.

A Team Effort

2010-11-01T17:19:00.001-04:00

Today
right now
this minute...

I could eat a dozen donuts
and
go back
for a Whopper
and Mickey D's large fry
(and a Route 44 Grape Slush from Sonic)

and I am not hungry
not even close
I am just
terribly bored

There is work to be done
things I could/should take care of,
but, here I sit
typing
thinking
putting words on the screen,
to keep my fingers busy
to occupy my mind
to figure out, what exactly
is under my skin right now...
inching me closer to the kitchen
pulling me to the pantry
egging me on to the frig.

It is not hunger
It is not stress
It is not emotional need
I know, I know, I know
It is boredom.

Boredom with myself
with my surroundings
I am feeling unchallenged
Un-productive (but not wanting to actually produce anything).

Fresh air
Company
Sunshine
These would all do me well.
These would all feed me.
But I would rather have something salty
and crunchy
and potato-y
and meaty
and ketchup-y
and peanut-butter-y

Here is what I will do.
I have been in this position before.
I have been in this position for years,
and in the past,
I would venture into the kitchen and begin grazing.
searching
seeking
and eating anything and everything I found along the way
That is what I used to do
(and sometimes, still do),
But
this time,
I am enlisting the help of my support team...

My children.
I need them, right now.

They need me ALL the time, and I am there for them,
so now, I am calling them in as reinforcements,
and getting help from them...
I know one will take a sunset walk with me
I know another will cuddle with me on the couch
I know another will throw a football around with me in the backyard
I know another will make mac & cheese for her sisters and brother for dinner
and make up a plate for me with hummus and chips and a little of my favorite chicken salad.
They will serve me dinner, and get me a Diet Coke to enjoy on the front porch.
I will ask them to take care of me this afternoon
and they will gladly oblige.
I have taught them how to do this.
I have taught them TO do this.

They will help me through the boredom.
They will be my team.
We work together on days like this.
I am vulnerable with them, about my struggles
and my decisions
and my weaknesses
and my boredom
They want to see my succeed.
They know how far I have come.
They have been there through it all.
They are my support system, even though they are 12, 10 and 8 (x2)

And then,
at the right time,
I will tuck them in
and thank them
really thank them,
for caring for me so much
for looking out for me
for helping me get through the day
for being on my team.

Do you know who you need?
Look around.
Who is there to help you?
Who is there to be on your team?
Not to hold you accountable
(you have to hold your SELF accountable, if you really want success),
but to hold your hand
walk a few blocks
have a conversation
enjoy the sunset
sit a spell
or spend some time
just
being?

Who is there to tell you
(after you've told yourself a few times),
that's it's ok to relax
and not always DO something
not always Make Something Happen
not always Go! Go! Go!
These are the folks to spend time with.

Assignment:
Use your journal to make a list, assemble a team of sorts, of people who love you.
ANYONE who loves you
and likes you
and wants to see you succeed.
These are the people YOU need as your "go-to" folks.
These are not people who will make you feel guilty or judge you or demand from you. These are not people who you will disappointment with your realness or struggles. These are the people who genuinely think you're great, just the way you are, and would like to be able to spend more time with you than they already get to. These are the people YOU are going to start spending more time with--because you need them. YOU need people. You need your family. You need your friends and neighbors. YOU need them to help you be a better YOU.

1) Make your list of team-mates

2) Write a specific activity or thing you can do or share with or for EACH specific person...it may be emailing, texting, talking, walking, listening, WHATEVER...it may be cuddling, playing, coloring, manicuring, reading, WHATEVER...Make the name list, and the "what I can share with them" list.

3) Each time THIS week, you feel about to EAT, when you are not really hungry, think through that list, reach out and FEED yourself THAT person. FEED yourself (as odd as that sounds), that person and what you two can share.

4) Follow up with a note to them. FEED them your thanks. Your encouragement. Your genuine heart. Let them know what they mean to you. FEED them with words. A note filled with actual words. You have no idea how this will impact them. No idea.

As for me, as soon as I'm done here,
I'm calling my kids in from outside where they've been playing.
I am going to invite my daughter and two of her friends to go for a walk.
I am going to tell my son to get the football ready, 'cause we're gonna play for a bit when I get home.
I'm getting out the mac and cheese, and turning over dinner responsibilities tonight.
I'm making sure the porch is ready for me, when I'm ready for it.

I am dealing with my boredom
Challenging myself, and my children,
to turn this evening into something significant
something different than what it was a few minutes ago when I started typing.

And I feel better already.

That's all.
Be You Best,
Becky

Stretch Marks

2010-10-29T12:01:00.002-04:00

I have been on the road a lot in the past two months.
In hotels
On planes

The hotels, I love
The planes, I dread

Put me up in a hotel, and I am a happy girl.
I have been known to check into a hotel 25 minutes from home,
to get away for an over-night.
It matters not where I stay, as long as there are tiny bottles of
shampoos and lotions,
someone to make my bed
and towels to use, I didn't have to wash

I like traveling ALONE
completely ALONE
I can stay at a hotel for three days and two nights
and never speak to anyone.
I did this once in Greenville, and had
The. Best. Time.

As for the flying?
Hate it
Dread it.
Fear it.

The dips
The shaking
The pressure in my head
The cramped spaces
The security
(I mean, really...who wants to take their boots off in a line, cram their belongings into little containers, and practically disrobe In Line, for a 10 second waltz through a metal detector?)
(I know, I know, I get that it is necessary, and I appreciate all the efforts to keep me safe, but still, I despise it)

So, in the past, I have limited my travels to DRIVING distances
I have avoided airplanes.
Until now.

I have been on 8 flights in the past 6 weeks
For some, this is NOT a lot.
For me, this is more than I have flown in 6 years.

Why?
I am doing this, to stretch myself.
I am doing a LOT of things to stretch myself.
And it all started at 39, when I decided
once and for all
to stop thinking and talking about losing weight
and changing my life
and Do It.

Here's the thing,
I lost the weight
a ton of it
(or 100 pounds of it)
and I feel great.
Even when I look in the mirror and I see
my very
less
than young
less
than perfect
less
than firm
body

My pregnant-three-times,
twins-bearing
four-baby-breast-feeding
extra-weight-carrying
Out-of-shape-for-so-long
freckled
scarred
stretch-mark laced
body

I have stretch marks.
There I said it.
I have only a few Baby Stretch Marks
But, I am riddled with 100 pound stretch marks.
The Baby stretch marks, are Stripes of Honor.
I carried life
I held two baby's bodies (at one time) WITHIN mine,
and parts of me will never be the same.
I am proud of these marks.
They are awards for 9 months of pregnancy
and
10 months of nourishing
I am in awe of these marks on my flesh

But
the other lines
the other stretch marks
play a little differently with my eyes
when I catch a glance of myself in the mirror
They represent
a different part of my history
A time of neglect
and unconsciousness
and sadness
and depression
and invisibility
AND
Victory
they are Battle Scars

These stretch marks were not nearly as obvious
BEFORE I lost the weight.
My skin was stretched past a good capacity
and there were marks even then,
but it was when those PUFFED up and out
areas went BACK to their intended size,
that the deep marks really surfaced.
Deep tracks where my skin won't ever be the same.
Deep grooves, where the elasticity is simply shot.
This makes me sad, and proud, and challenged
All At The Same Time.

Sad...that I made choices for years to ALLOW my body to be so pushed and unappreciated.
Proud...that those MARKS are NOW there...because I lost the weight to show them
Challenged...to CONSCIOUSLY stretch myself in body, mind, spirit, emotion and accomplishments for the rest of my days.

Stretch Marks

Stretching

I am now choosing to be stretched
looking for opportunities
booking flights
hopping on planes
telling my story
sharing the details
telling the truth
letting you in on my stretch marks
and finding confidence and power
and pleasure and delight
and freedom and Life
Each
and
Every
Time.

Your assignment

1) Take your journal. Go back a read EVERY thing you have written thus far. Fill in lists you never finished. Answer questions, make comments, add to the thoughts you've recorded (or START doing these things for the first time...NOW)

2) Turn to the next fresh sheet of paper and print;

How have I STRETCHED myself since I started this Dance Party for One?

And write your answers.

If you have bought a lipstick, you stretched yourself.
If you chewed your gum, you stretched yourself.
If you completed a single list, wrote me a note, left a comment on the blog, signed up to be a follower, tuned in for a VLOG, took your measurements, even BOUGHT a journal, had a meal by yourself, stood in front of the mirror and danced....you stretched yourself.

Write all of these things down, and anything else you can think of that you have done while thinking, questioning, considering and trying the things from these posts.
You have been stretching yourself
and now
it is time to stretch yourself even further.

3) Think of three ways you will stretch yourself this week.
What are three things you can try, overcome, attempt This Week?
Relating to your food, your clothes, your look, your free time, your interests, your fears....YOU
Think of three things you are
WILLING
to do
For Your Self
to stretch yourself
THIS week.

4) Turn to the Now Crowded first page of your notebook and print:
I am determined to Stretch my Self, while I am shrinking my body

Sign up to follow the blog if you haven't already.
Please leave comments and share your experiences,
here on the blog on on Facebook on the Dance Party for One page
Sign up for Twitter (I admit, I have fallen behind on my tweets, I will catch up soon)
Check out the Dance Party for One Youtube channel, and subscribe
and
share the links to all of these with your friends and family.

In all my business, writing and travel,
I am thinking of You
Those I have met
those I know
those who are reading and thinking and doing
and those
who's names and faces I have yet to recognize.
You're with me when I challenge myself
peel back a layer
want to skip out
can't think of what to say
and push myself to share

Thank you for your time and interest and support
WE are BOTH better for it.

That's all.
Be Your Best,
Becky

Dance Party for THREE!

2010-10-27T14:25:00.000-04:00

Satisfaction Guaranteed NEW VLOG Posted!

2010-10-20T15:33:00.001-04:00

Speak for Yourself

2010-10-18T09:46:00.002-04:00

I will not be blogging today

You will.

If you've been reading for a while (all of the seven weeks Dance Party has been up and running), you know the routine....

I share something,
typically, a part of My Story
I comment on it
I apply it to myself
(and you)
and I suggest an exercise
a task of sorts,
to help you apply what I've written

Today,
this time,
it's your turn.

I'm not being lazy
or trying to rip you off.
And, it doesn't even matter if this is your first time reading the blog
or
your first time trying what I suggest...
Give it a try
take a chance
pause for a moment
think
respond
and write...

Your
Story

Your story,
in two parts.

Pull out your journal
or a blank sheet of paper
or even a napkin
or gum wrapper (you'll have to write really, really tiny)
and start writing.

Write TWO portions
(one on each side of the paper, is possible)

The first, (a paragraph or something similar)
is YOUR story
We've been talking about it enough
drawing from it enough
referencing it for a while
NOW, it is time to write it out.

Tell your story, however you choose to tell it. You can make it a comic strip, a fairy tale, a timeline, a chronological list, simple story or WHATEVER....Just TELL it. Take a few moments to write out your history. It can be related solely to your weight, or more expansive to tell about different areas of your life. Different circumstances leading you here...leading you to Dance Party for One. Leading you to consider and possibly pursue, changing your life.

Can you do it?
Will you do it?
It is for your eyes only...unless you choose to share it.
You may choose to share it with someone you trust
or with someone you know who loves you
You may elect to keep it completely private
I did that.
I kept my story private
for a long time
I shared a few parts of it
here and there over the time when I was overhauling ME
but in many ways,
sharing it here on the blog--has been my first, true, real, re-telling of the Story That is Me.

Next (for the second part, the second paragraph on the back of your paper)
Craft a second story.

The story of your Success

For this one,
I am not giving you as much room to get creative with how you tell it.
For this portion, I want you to tell it, in the PAST tense...as though it has already happened.
I want you to tell your story,
as though you are sharing it with an audience
an audience of blog readers
a Dance Party for One Reunion in 2012

This is YOUR blog entry to share with the other women
who have been dancing solo, along with you
over the course of 18 months.

Tell us your Story.
Tell us who YOU became
Tell us how YOUR life changed
Tell us how you spend YOUR free time, NOW, in 2012.
How you share
YOUR energy
YOUR resources
YOUR creativity
YOUR love
In 2012.
Tell us how you look and feel and live, Today

We want to hear it
You need to hear it
Write as though it has already happened.
(It is already happening,
so just take it further).
Stretch your hopes and dreams a bit further
Describe in detail
How
What
and
Where your life IS in 2012
How
What
Where
and
WHO
you ARE, in 2012

This is a private one, too.
Until it is you turn.
Until you are writing your own blog
and answering letters
and responding to questions
and challenging others
and inspiring strangers
and connecting with women from all walks of life
who want to know
how you did it.

Then,
YOU will take my place
in your family
in your community
with your friends
in your corner of the world
and you will be a part of ushering other women
into a new place with themselves.

I can't wait until it is your turn!
Get to writing,
so you'll be ready!

(Share with me ANYTHING you want. I'd love to hear ALL of it)
(If you are behind on the blog, or just getting started, don't forget you get as many Do-Overs as you could possibly want! Just kick it in, and re-start whenever you want!)

That's all
Be Your Best!
Becky

PS
(here she goes....I am adding a Post Script. Here's where I push you...here's where I ask the tough question. But I just have to ask)....

How badly do you really want to change....how much are you really willing to do...how truly desperate are you.......if you're NOT willing to try "Working on Yourself" with your journal? How deep is you want and desire and need to change, if you are reading and not doing?

Just wondering.
Just remembering myself.
My Self. Me.

...And remembering how sadness,
depression, hopelessness, complaining,
beating myself up and moaning about it
didn't help me drop One Single Pound...
nor did any of it,
keep me from gaining more weight
in addition to what I was already carrying.

Just thinking out loud.
...and realizing how LITTLE
my inspirational tidbits and challenges
will impact the overall YOU,
until you are ready to take it from here,
and DO something about it.
It's ok, though...move at your own pace.
You WILL change, when you REALLY want to change.
I am sure of it!

Lighten Your Load

2010-10-15T11:25:00.004-04:00

Three specific SHOUT-OUTS for some Dance Party for One readers (and doers!)

Celeste for losing 11 pounds!
Jill for losing 5 pounds!
Gina for dropping 2 sizes!

SERIOUSLY wonderful, grand and exciting accomplishments!
You should each be very proud of and amazed by your Selves! We all are, for you!

There is no accomplishment too small here ladies.
One good decision a day
One conscious moment
One effort in the right direction
One change in your routine
One different action

ALL are worthy of your attention
and your joy!

Here's the thing.
A little reminder.
THIS is all about YOU
You making an effort
You thinking again
You feeling again
You SHOWING up again
For your own life!

I wrote earlier this week about looking at your weight and your WEIGHTs,
and making those weights your new goals.
I wanted to let you know something else I did.

One morning, about a month into my whole Change-My-Life Quest, after I weighed myself, I called my four kids into the room, and weighed each of them.

NOT to find out how they were doing in terms of weight or growth,
but because I wanted a record of their weights, for ME.

At the time, my twins (who are really ONLY twins in the respect that they were born the same day--they are as opposite in appearance and personality, as I am from YOU), weighed 44 and 49 pounds. My oldest daughter weighed about 78 pounds and my 11 year-old son weighed right at 99 pounds.

I wrote these weights down in my journal
Along with my measurements.
(Remember when you recorded your measurements? Remember when I asked you to do that? Did you? It's ok if you didn't. You can do it TODAY!)
I wrote down their weights
and my measurements.

And I went to work again
I fed myself Food, when I was hungry
Music when I was needing to connect with my emotions
Dancing when I was needing to release those emotions and have fun
Fresh air and nature when I was needing to feel alive and connect with my senses
Friendship when I was needing to talk out my feelings and share my experiences
The Bible when I hungered spiritually
Barnes and Noble when I craved knowledge
Facebook when I wanted to remember myself from highschool and college
Macy's when I wanted to step into a new style
InStyle Magazine when I wanted to dream about my longer hair
and
Crayons, art pencils, sketch pads and coloring books when I needed a quick creativity fix

I fed myself in countless, creative ways.
I filled ME up
and found I needed FOOD a whole lot less than before.

And
While I was weighing myself on the scale each morning,
I was looking for two different numbers
I was looking for the WEIGHT I wanted to return to from previous Life Moments
and
I was looking for my smallest child's body weight....
I was waiting for the number on the scale,
to indicate I had lost...
an
entire
Haily

I remember the day
I weighed myself
(and did the math)
and saw, I had lost 44 pounds.
I had lost a Haily (my Peanut, as I call her)

I called for Haily to come to me and step on the scale
I looked at HER
I looked down at HER weight on the scale
I looked at her face
her head
her arms
her legs
and her torso.
I imagined her INSIDES
I thought of her heart
her brain
her kidneys
her skeleton
her muscles
her organs

And AGAIN,
I cried
I got on my knees,
pulled her off the scale
and into my lap
and hugged her
I held her as close to me as I could manage
and
I
Remembered

I remembered
that
THAT collection of weight
THAT mass of living, breathing, alive tissue,
THAT 6 year-old, 44-pound collection of girl,
THAT SAME amount of Weight,
had ONCE
been
on
ME
Attached to my skeleton
weighing on my heart
pressing down on my feet.

That same 44 pounds,
visually represented by my child
which had
been poured into jeans
squished into bathing suits
hidden and covered up by baggy tops
and buffered by elastic waisted pants
was
no
longer
ON Me

I looked at Haily
and
saw the face of the 44 pounds I had lost

I got off the floor.
Pulled Haily up in my arms
and carried her down the stairs to the kitchen
then carried her down another flight of stairs to the basement
then walked right back up to the kitchen
and back up the stairs to my room
and put on some music
and danced
with Haily in my arms

It was an amazing
beautiful
exhausting
sweaty
invigorating
inspiring moment

I put her down
sent her to "go play"
leaned myself against the foot of my bed,
held on the bedpost
looked in my dresser mirror
and wept. again.
Proud of myself. again.
Amazed by ME.
Again.
Because I was 44 pounds FREER than before
I was 44 pounds LIGHTER than before
I was 44 pounds CLOSER to my SELF than before

I repeated my stair walks
and dancing sessions
again with Haily's twin
and her big sister
when
I
lost
THEIR
weights

When I lost my son's weight,
I carried him too.
He had watched me with my girls
he knew it was coming
he was a big boy then
far too big for piggy back rides
far too cool for such silliness
far too pre-teen to want such a ride...
But he loves his mother
He was proud of his mother
He had told me, all along the way
That he was waiting,
just waiting...

just waiting...on me
waiting...for...me

He was ready, and willing,
and waiting
for
his
turn
For the day when
HE
WOULD
BE
My Victory Lap

And he was...
When it came for his turn....
He
was
my
Victory
Lap

I attempted to make dinner with him on my back
and it was hard
impossible
I didn't get very far

But I loved it
and so did he

I could not believe how HEAVY 100 pounds
felt on my back
though I had worn it on my frame for years.
My feet went down a size,
and a width
because 100 pounds of ME
were no longer
On
Me!

100 pounds were no longer pushing my heart too far
100 pounds were no longer over-working my organs
100 pounds were no longer taxing my lungs
100 pounds were no longer straining my joints
100 pounds were no longer weighing down my soul
100 pounds were no longer rattling around in my head
whispering things
telling me things
taunting me
taking away from my successes
and draining me of my freedom
and possibilities
and courage

Returning to my previous Weights
and looking into the faces of my children as concrete, touchable, hold-able, carry-able representations of how far I had come, how much I had LOST
Were the KEYS for me losing 100 physical pounds,
countless emotional hang-ups
endless regrets and feelings of failure
and
immeasurable gains in becoming the Woman I wanted to be

Weights on a chart, really don't matter
Sizes in a fitting room are fun
Having cheek bones
and collar bones
and a neck
are wonderful
But
nothing compares to
taking a Victory Lap
Celebrating a Victory

A Victory that led to Freedom
and
Life.

Journal TIME:

1) Get out your journal, turn to a clean page and number a list from 1-10

2) Go to your pantry or kitchen cabinets, and start weighing stuff: cans of vegetables, sacks of potatoes, cases of juice boxes, etc. Weigh your kids, or pets, or anything else you can manage to fit on a scale, that has a little MASS to it. Take a moment to remember, if you have children, what they weighed at birth.

3) Locate (in your house, or take a trip to the grocery store) a 5 lb. sack of flour or sugar. Pick it up and hold it in the palm of your hand (if you can). FEEL that five pounds. Imagine wedging that same 5 pound sack into your purse and putting the purse on your shoulder. That EXTRA five pounds, would take a toll on your back and your shoulder and your arm after a while. Imagine adding ANOTHER five pound sack to another purse, and putting it on your other shoulder.

4) After you have felt the sack of sugar (or flour), and weighed the people, pets or objects in your home, list TEN of the items (or people) and their corresponding weights, from least to greatest, on the page in your journal.

5) THESE are ALSO your NEW goals. Incorporate THESE Weights, into your thinking. ADD these Weights to the list you made last time.

6) Stop dreading the scale. Stop HATING getting up on that scale! Stop avoiding that SCALE! It is your ally! It is your CHEERLEADER! IT tells you how CLOSE you are getting to your goals! It tells you how much closer you are to your FIRST celebration...that day, when you will go back and weigh AGAIN one of the things you just listed! THAT scale is the FIRST friend who will tell you, you have DONE it, you have changed, you have Become More of the YOU, You are Wanting to BE!

I am serious!

7) Turn to the first page of your journal, and write:

My Scale is ready and waiting to give me a Shout Out! My scale wants to cheer for me. It will know I have reached a goal, even before I can tell my best friend! I no longer hate scales!

That's all.
Be Your Best.
(You're already on your way.)
Becky

Wednesday Video BLOG 2

2010-10-13T16:53:00.000-04:00

Numbers Don't Lie

2010-10-11T09:55:00.007-04:00

Some people are good with faces
Others are good at remembering important dates.
I am good with numbers.
Well, not numbers, really...
Weights.
I am good with weights.
Not the circus or carnival,
"I can guess your weight for a dollar"
kind of good with weights
but the
"I know my weight at any given occasion of my life"
kind of good with weights

Maybe that's just because my weight
was a huge part of my life
for a big chunk of my life

I have talked to thin people, friends, other women,
who have never struggled with their weight,
to whom this is a foreign concept.
They don't remember their weights like I do...

I can tell you
what I weighed in eighth grade
and
the day I graduated from high school

I can tell you
what I weighed when I went home for fall break my Freshman year of college
and
what I weighed when I fell in love for the first time my Sophomore year

I can tell you
what I weighed during my (first) Senior year
what I weighed after a bad break-up later that year
and
what I weighed when I got my diploma (after my second Senior year)

I can tell you what I weighed the day my mother was diagnosed with cancer
and
what I weighed after taking care of her for a year

What I weighed when I met Michael
What I weighed when I married Michael

And what I weighed
when I went to pick out a suit
for
my mother's funeral

I can tell you what I weighed when I got pregnant the first time
and gave birth the first time
I can tell you what I weighed the second and third times I got pregnant
I can remember MY weight just before each of THOSE births,
faster than I can tell you how LONG each of my babies were at THEIR births

I can tell you what I weighed after my darkest, most depressed year.

I can tell you what I weighed when I hit rock bottom and
KNEW
it
had
to STOP

I remember what I weighed
the day
It
STOPPED

The day
I took charge of ME again
and STOPPED letting the scale
measure my value

The day I STOPPED
allowing the scale to
alert me to
HOW I WAS DOING
on the inside.

Because, that is what I had been doing

I was letting the scale,
DIMINISH my value.
Because I had allowed the scale
to be the
MARKER
the
INDICATOR of my INNER SELF.
Yes,
I knew I had OTHER value.
I knew I was loved
I knew I was fun, and interesting
and creative and genuine and real
and loving and giving and kind
and entertaining and significant,

BUT,
On some level,
as I ALLOWED pounds to be added to my frame,
and the numbers on the scale got bigger---
I grew smaller....on the inside.
I FELT smaller on the inside.
I FELT like less of all the things I just listed above,
that I KNEW about myself....
because I started just knowing the
NUMBER.
I started REMEMBERING
THAT NUMBER
every time I looked in the mirror.

When I decided I wanted to get ME back again,
I took a look at the numbers, again.
I pulled out the List of Weights I could remember,
and made those Weights, my goals.

I wanted to lose 80 pounds
But that number was a pie-in-the-sky-fantasy
I remember the first time I told someone I was going to lose 80 pounds between my 39th and 40th birthdays.
I was walking to the pool with my brother early in the summer.
I simply spoke it,
I am going to lose weight this year. I am going to do it.
How much do you want to lose?
80 pounds.
I didn't believe my own words the moment I spoke them.
I didn't believe my words, but I KNEW I would do it.

So, I took out my mental List of Weights
and went to work on getting BACK to the first, highest weight I could remember.
My weight when I got pregnant with my twins.
When I reached THAT weight,
I went to work on getting back to the weight I was when I gave birth to my second child
When I reached THAT weight, I went to work on getting back to the weight I was when I got pregnant with my first child, my son.

Each time I GOT BACK to a PREVIOUS weight,
I found I had GAINED back
a part of me.
Emotionally
Spiritually
AND
Physically

The most impacting number I reached....
The first time I got on my scale and cried
and cried
and sat on the floor and sobbed...
was when
I reached the weight
I had
carried
and
worn
to
my mother's funeral.

The morning I got on the scale,
the moment
I saw that number--
again, after 11 years...
the number that had once represented
the deepest loss
hardest experience
loneliest, darkest, saddest season in my life,
---that moment in my journey BACK to me,
seeing that number,
that weight again
was the most meaningful of all moments
in my 18-month
Pursuit of Myself.

I couldn't believe I had done it.
I had really done it.

38lbs.
I had lost 38 pounds,
but had gained ME, again.
Alive.
Living.
Being.
Believing in myself again.
Desiring to be MORE again.
Hopeful and invigorated
Caring and Loving
Me, again.

There have been other,
sit-on-the-floor-by-the-scale
letting-it-sink-in-and-cry-moments
since THAT day.
But few have compared.
Few have made me prouder.
Few have had as deep of an impact on my heart
and my feelings about myself.

Since my
I-weigh-what-I-weighed-at-my-Mother's-Funeral Day,
there have been other days when I have cried:
The day I fit into a Misses size, instead of a plus size
The day I broke the 199 pound barrier
The day I dropped to a single digit size for the first time since I was a teenager
The day I tried on bathing suits and FELT GOOD
The day I hit my Wedding Day weight
And my College Graduation Day weight
And my High School Graduation Day weight

And the day I stepped on that scale,
and the numbers declared
100 pounds....gone.

By then, I had already
GAINED back
My Self:
my confidence
my enthusiasm
my sense of purpose
my hopes and dreams
my love for life
my delight in my relationships
my gratitude for each day
my faith in my God
AGAIN.

The 100 pound LOSS was a HUGE accomplishment
But what I gained in the process,
changed my life
in every way imaginable.
Every
Way
Imaginable

And
now...

Now,
it's your turn.

Journal TIME.

1) Take out your journal and make a list. Make a list of your "Weights." Jot down as many NUMBERs from the scale, as you can recall. And make a note beside each one of them about that TIME in your life. What you were doing. What was happening. How you think you got to that weight. Write down the year if you can remember it.

2) THIS is you new GOAL list. Consider looking at THOSE numbers (not the numbers on a chart on web site) to tell you, guide you, motivate you. Rather than focus on an impersonal height and weight chart devised by a dietician or even doctor......look at YOUR NUMBERS. Look at your WEIGHTs from the past.

This is really what it is about,
THIS is about getting back to YOU
NOT getting to a black and white number on a chart.
IGNORE the chart
INGORE the "this is what you should weigh for your height."
And start thinking,
I am on my way back.
I am heading BACK to when I was better than I am now
or
I am moving forward to where I want to be, and who I want to be
This is a completely different MINDSET
than looking at a number
and trying to lose weight to fit into a chart
or fit into a size
This is about finding where YOU fit best into YOUR SKIN
In To Your Self

Make your list. Remember your weights. Remember your days. Remember YOU.

3) On the first page of your journal (are you running out of room?), please print, in all caps:

FORGET ABOUT CHARTS AND SCALES. I'M WORKING ON ME!

That's all.
Be Your Best,
Becky

Sweet Tweets (For THIS Week)!

2010-10-07T18:54:00.003-04:00

Here are my TWEETS! Hope you're also getting these through the Dance Party for One page on Facebook (sign up to "LIKE" it, if you haven't already, and these tips will show up on your Facebook wall 2-3 times a day, throughout the day)!

* Nothing wrong with a slice of pizza when you want it! Nothing at all. ENJOY IT and FEED your real hunger. Take it slow & have fun!
* If you are a woman. With a beating heart. You should be listening to Patty Griffin's music. She will make you feel again.
* When was the last time you ACTUALLY felt hungry? I mean, really truly FELT hunger? And how long did you FEEL it before you ate something?
* Intentionally serve yourself LAST for meals (not just because it's good manners), but because there will be LESS LEFT for YOUR plate!
* I think I could drink salsa by the gallon.
* Just hit 5,500 hits on the DP41 blog for the first 6 weeks!!! (as of THIS post, the blog is at 5,800 views! Thanks so much!)
* My 4 kids had donuts today. I had 1/2 of one & tossed the rest in the trash. It's PERFECTLY OK to do this. Better in the trash, than on me.
* PLAN for a snack at 3PM today. You need it! Feed yourself something to boost your energy and brainpower...like blueberries. I am have three Hershey Kisses!
* Items to add to your grocery list this week: Black Beans, Salsa, Oatmeal, Blueberries, Yogurt, Carrots & Walnuts. REALLY! Eat LOTS of these!
* If you can manage to start your Monday morning DANCING, you may find it will change your whole week!
* Plan ur week: Dance Time, food you'll eat & ways you'll feed yourself in the next 5 days! Think of all the do-overs, $ & stress you'll save!
* When you eat at night, you are GAINING BACK the weight you MIGHT have seen LOST on the scale in the morning!
* The State Fair is NOT the best lunch spot for healthy eating, but NOTHING feeds my fun side like a funnel cake!
* Stop rewarding yourself with food or eating with an, "I deserve this," attitude! Eat to FEED your body & reward yourself with DANCING TIME!
* Eat lunch. Don't work through it or skip it. Make IT your biggest meal of the day, so you've got the rest of the day to USE UP what you ate!

That's all.Be Your Best!Becky

Channel Surfing? CHECK OUT THE DP41 Youtube Channel!

2010-10-06T12:17:00.001-04:00

You can link to the CHANNEL on Youtube (and become a subscriber) by clicking on this link:

http://www.youtube.com/user/realgoodfriend4?feature=mhum

I'll be adding a permanent link on the blog too!
What do you think?

I promise I'll cut it to 10 minutes or less in the future!
I know you're busy!
Thanks for your time, interest and support!

That's all.
Be Your Best!
Becky

Something to Smile About

2010-10-04T17:43:00.007-04:00

The DP41 blog is now about six weeks old, and has surpassed 5,500 hits! This blows me away. This makes me think, It's Not Just Me! There are women out there, really looking to change their lives, turn themselves around, connect with themselves and lose weight!

The blog has readers in the USA,
United Kingdom
Ireland
Denmark
Turkey
Singapore
India
Canada
Jordan
Taiwan
Latvia
Ukraine
Spain
and Indonesia.
(and who knows where else?)
How outrageous is that?

I am excited and honored knowing there are women all over the place, stopping by, checking in and pausing (hopefully!) to think, ponder, consider and "try" what they read.

Every woman reading,
is Incredibly Unique.
No two are the same.
We represent different cultures, countries, faiths,
economic status, family status and life experiences.

But we have things in common, as well.
For one,
We all crave beauty.
All cultures have a standard of beauty.
Seen in the eyes of the beholders,
this standard is different from person to person,
culture to culture
woman to woman.

Beauty in nature
Beauty in art
Beauty in appearance

I am getting ready to spout out some beauty tips here.
One in particular,
I have been preparing you for
(and hopefully you've been preparing yourself for)
for the past month.
You've been tucking away a dollar a day, in your journal, RIGHT?
You now have, well over $30 in that envelope, RIGHT?
Well, just a few lines from now, I'm going to tell you what to do with that money.
How to spend it.
What to do for yourself,
for the next 14 days,
to make a visible difference, in YOU
and it won't require you to sweat.
or measure food.
or think about your next meal.

But first, my story:
When I started to CHANGE ME, now well over 2 years ago,
I knew I wanted to change things in my heart.
I knew I wanted to change things in my head.
I knew I wanted to lose weight.
I wanted to lose 80 lbs.
But I also wanted to change other things.
I wanted to look better.
I wanted a clearer complexion
I wanted longer hair.
I wanted softer skin.
I wanted to get rid of callouses.
I wanted better eyebrows
I wanted betters arms.
I wanted a defined style.
So, I went to work on all these things,
while I was working on ME
and My Body.
I worked on my beauty.
Yep,
The Superficial Shell.
I went to work on The Total Package.

Because I wanted to be:
The Total Package.
And to this day,
I work (almost) every day
on
The Total Package
because that is still who I want to be
and
how I want to stay.

With 80 pounds to lose,
the first few pounds didn't make a huge impact on the overall ME.
In fact, even though I knew I had lost weight,
and my clothes fit differently
(and even started to not fit at all),
it really wasn't until I had lost about 35 pounds,
maybe even 40,
that anyone truly noticed my weight loss

Do you know what they DID notice?
My Smile.
For the first time
EVER (that I could remember),
people started complimenting my SMILE
and telling me how HAPPY I looked.
I know I was smiling more.
I was Happier!
I was feeling GREAT!

And since I knew I was happier
and smiling more
I decided to bite the bullet,
drop the thirty bucks
and buy Whitening Strips for My Teeth.

And I used them
for 14 days
day and night
for 15 minutes
Just Like The Package Said.

And
It
Changed
My
Life!

Because I changed my smile.
No lie.
White teeth, made my face change.
My confidence change.
My countenance change.
And I found it easy to make the decisions I WANTED to make about FEEDING and DANCING!

And people started telling me I looked GREAT.
And FINALLY, asking if I was losing weight.
Because I had white teeth!

So.
That's what your cash envelope is for.
Run out and buy yourself some teeth whitening strips
and use them!
And take the time required each day, to sit, and reflect, and connect with YOU.
Take that 15 (or 30) minutes in the morning and evening,
to think about Who You Want to Be.
How Incredibly Unique You Are.
And How You Can FEED yourself during those minutes
(since it's impossible to EAT during that time!)

Listen to music
Read
Journal
Plan
Draw
Color
Pluck your eyebrows
Maybe even paint your toenails
and
Take Care of You!

This will take commitment.
This will require you to stay consistent for two weeks
and you will see results
YOU WILL SEE RESULTS,
quicker with your teeth,
than you may be seeing with your weight.
or the other changes you are wanting to make with your life.
With and in YOU.

I am hoping you will do this.
I am really hoping you will try this...
so you can point to SOMETHING in you,
about YOU
that is different in just 14 days!

Think of how great your lipstick is going to look surrounding those
Pearly
Whites!
Imagine your new smile!

So,
simple assignment:

1) Snap a picture of yourself with NO MAKEUP! Get someone to do this for you, if you dare.

2) Put on a full face of Make-up (whatever that means to you). You do not have to glam-out, if you are not the glamming-out type. You can be YOURSELF, but with whatever make-up you typically wear--having added that extra 15 minutes to your getting ready time, we talked about last time! Put on your FABULOUS and get your picture taken.....in the Same Position as your make-up-less face in #1.

3) Get these pictures printed, and paste them in your journal, on the next empty page.

4) Look at, and study these pictures. WITHOUT criticism. Just look at them. Take them in. Look at your teeth, because those teeth are about to change! And look at your eyebrows. Check them out. Look at your lips and your neck. No criticism. Just look at them. And notice the differences between the two pictures. Notice the improvements. Notice the changes. Then start thinking. Start thinking about your skin. And your eyebrows (again). And how you want your hair to look in your holiday pictures and six months from now, and next year at this time. And those teeth.

5) On the next fresh page in your journal, make a short list. No more than five items in length. Make a short list of things you'd like to Pay More Attention To (NOT get "fixed" or areas of HATRED), just some details about YOU and Your Face, that you'd like to spend some of those Fabulous 15 minutes, tending to. Write them down, and start taking care of them. Start taking care of you.

6) On the NEXT fresh page, number the margin 1-20
Jot down 20 (yes, TWENTY) things (AT LEAST) that make you smile. Look outside at the changing seasons. Look in the eyes of your children, friends and loved ones. Think about your favorite Hunk on TV or in your favorite movie. Refer to the lists you made about your favorite scents and songs. And make your list. SMILE as you think. SMILE as you write them down. Smile. Smile. Smile!

7) On the first page of your journal, where you are printing all those Great Reminders to focus on as you host your own Dance Parties, please print---in a downward arch, that looks like a SMILE:

I have so much to smile about, so I am going to smile more!

8) BUY your Teeth Whitening Strips! The pack that takes 14 days to work (or whatever you can afford). AND USE THEM!

Nothing too heavy or deep to dwell on or dissect this time.
We all need a break now and then,
to just breath
and enjoy
and look in the mirror
and smile about what we see.
So THAT is what you get to do this time.

I'll throw something else your way,
Next Time.

Until then, think about the women around the world,
in the state next to yours,
and in your town,
who have started the journey with you.
Who are hosting their own Dance Parties for One.
Who are finding out who they want to BE,
and beginning the work to BECOME those very women.
SMILE, that you are part of something bigger than you realized.
You are in good company.
Smiling, changing, becoming.

Who else needs to be here?
Who else needs to be at the Party?
Who do you know, who started following this blog, but needs to be invited back?
Who do you know who would love an invitation to be here, but hasn't found us on her own, yet?
Invite them
Invite her
Call her
Send her the link
Share your smile with her
She will thank you
and you will have even more to smile about...knowing you have made a difference!

That's all.
Be Your Best,
Becky

Wednesday Review and Some Pound-Dropping Thoughts

2010-09-29T09:33:00.004-04:00

Some Tweets from this Week:

* When you're sick, turn off your phone, shut down your computer, cease Tweeting & get some rest---like I'm about to do today!

* It's always best to start the day with a plan for what you are DOING and what you'll be EATING. Plan for one meal you'll really like!

* Confession: I keep a box of Slim Fast bars in my pantry at all times. When I am feeling REALLY indecisive or clueless abt what to eat for lunch, I grab one.

* Go for ENJOYMENT with ONE of your meals EVERY day. PICK one meal a day to LOVE. Like (or just accept) the other TWO, but LOVE one!

* Step on the scale EVERY morning, but don't obsess abt the weight! Stay connected to the FACTS (your weight), but FOCUS on where you're GOING

* Seriously People, STAY out of the kitchen, once you've finished your dinner. There's nothing new in there & you really aren't hungry (you're bored)! Go DANCE!

Ok Folks, here I am going to give a shout out, and plug a book I used when I first started changing my eating patterns, portions and choices....I CANNOT RECOMMEND ANOTHER BOOK WITH MORE PERSONAL CONVICTION:

EAT THIS, NOT THAT
By David Zinczenko
There are now SEVERAL books in this series, which highlight very simple changes to make in your grocery shopping patterns and dining-out choices. I also use the "Eat This, Not That, For Kids." I love ALL these books, and attribute probably 15lbs of weight lost just due to reading and trying the things suggested by the author. I keep the Eat This, Not That website, bookmarked and check it out ALL the time! You should too!

Additional Thoughts:
How is it going? Have you been keeping a journal? Are you a reader of the Blog, or a Doer? Is anything happening or changing in you? Are you looking for results? Are you getting any? Are you asking yourself "Why haven't I dropped any weight?"

Here are my thoughts. Not judgement. Thoughts:
You are in control of yourself. You really, really are. I have said this before and will repeat it a ton of times more in this blog (and to myself ALL day). You are where you are, at this very moment because of the decisions you have made leading up to this moment (or, You are where you are based on the decisions you have made in regard to the things that have happened TO, you leading up to this moment. Both statements are true).

IF you want change in your life...
IF you want TO change...
YOU have to change.
Sounds simple.
Simple, but not easy.
Simple, not easy, but TRUE.

A blog will not change you. Reading a blog will not change you. YOU have to change. Applying what is in a blog, doing the exercises recommended in a blog, keeping up with and staying current with a blog...will NOT change you.....but, it can, it will HELP you focus and concentrate YOUR efforts to Change.

You will change, when you REALLY want to change.
ONLY when you really want to.
ONLY when you are desperate enough or committed enough,
to STOP eating
and start FEEDING yourself.

If you are a Reader and not a Doer (yet), you are PREPARING to change.
You are CONSIDERING change.
You are INTERESTED in change.
You are seeking INSPIRATION or MOTIVATION to change,
but you are not ready to Change (yet).
And there is nothing wrong with that.
I simply do not want you confused about the results you are (or aren't getting)
or the changes you aren't (or are) seeing.

This is still your life. It is still, all about you. There will come a day (if it hasn't already)--there WILL come a day (hopefully), when you STICK your COURAGE and WANTS and DESIRES and DECISIONS into the GROUND (like Neil Armstrong sticking the flag on the moon), and state, "This is it. This is my giant step. This is the day I declare my new life. My changed life. There is no turning back from this moment. It all changes TODAY. NOW." Then, and only then, will you DO what it takes to change. To become. To decide. To connect with the REAL you and move yourself forward.

This is NOT about WILL power.
(To me, doing something out of sheer Will Power, is a FORCING of ourselves to go AGAINST what we want. A MAKING ourselves do something opposed or contrary to our desires. That is my take on Will Power. That is why I think people claim to not have the will power to keep with a diet, or attribute my 100lb loss to my strong will-power. Both are statements spoken from people who think they, themselves CANNOT change or lose weight--and their alibi, their excuse is that they lack or have NO will power--as though it is a talent, or gifting or character trait they were born without. I disagree with their conclusions.)

Perhaps it is just a case of word-choice,
but I believe CHANGE is about:

Decision
and
Determination
and our
Ultimate Desires...

...and really, truly being sick and tired of your life,
to the point that your
empty
hopeless
helpless
drained
depressed
existence
no longer satisfies.

Did you hear that?

We are SATISFIED with the
empty, hopeless, helpless, drained and depressed
lives we lead.
On some level, at least.

And until we become
frustrated enough,
desperate enough
maybe even ANGRY enough,
we won't REALLY change.

I mean, why would we?
Change means discomfort
Change means taking an honest look at ourselves
and owning up to Who We Really Are
and all the choices we have made leading up to Right Now.
Change is scary.
Change opens us up to our Fear of the Unknown
What will happen IF I change?
What will happen with my relationships if I change?
What will happen if I change and don't like HOW I change?
Who am I going to be, if I change?
Who is going to be there for me, if I change?
If I change, what else in my life has to change to SUPPORT the changes I've made?
How do I know I can stay changed?
What if I change and it still doesn't help?
What if....?

When you are ready,
When you have had enough,
When the empty, hopeless, helpless, drained and depressed
existence you lead, no longer satisfies,
YOU WILL WANT CHANGE and you WILL CHANGE.

And when you WANT change,
really and truly want change,
Want TO change,
You WILL.

And it will not be about forcing yourself to go against your desires.
Your DESIRES will match up with your determination and decisions.
You will find yourself WANTING, NOT DENYING.
You will discover how deeply you desire The Changing,
and the conflict between what you eat (or don't)
how much of it you eat (or don't)
when you eat (or don't)
when you move, or dance or run (or don't)
will become a lot less complicated and excruciating and
much less of a battle.
It will be easier to change BECAUSE of your ULTIMATE DESIRE TO CHANGE.
It will no longer be a forceful attempt to do something in OPPOSITION to your Want.
IT WILL BE WHAT YOU WANT, MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE.

Until then, keep reading. Keeping thinking. Keep pondering.
And open up.
Try to open up.

Change is out there,
Waiting for you.
Ready for you.
You will Change, even if you haven't started, yet.
(and you get as many do-overs as you want!)

That's all.
Be Your Best,
Becky

Tuesday NIGHT post!

2010-09-28T19:18:00.003-04:00

I added a post to my other blog Truth Time, but wanted to add it to the Dance Party (DP41) blog as well. It is a bit of a departure from the things I write about here. But....in some of the letters I've been getting from you, I've come across many women who are puzzled as to how to balance ME time, and family, mother and wife time. They are worried about becoming selfish, at the cost of their families. They are struggling in their personal faith to reconcile spending time on themselves, when they have been taught to make their lives all about others and serving.

So.....it got me thinking. Thinking about our worries. Our concerns. And our fears. Fears about what we are doing, why we are doing it and maybe even, "What will other people think about what I am doing and why I am doing it?" I have put my thoughts, conclusions and questions into this post and am pasting it here.

For me, what I am starting to think, is that we as women, have taken great pride in our self-neglect (for the sake of others). We have developed our sense of value, and have actually begun to draw our identity from, our exhaustion, stress and sacrifice. We take pride in our weariness.....until we FINALLY get to the point, when we realize crashing and burning, doesn't make us any happier, content or alive. It just burns us out and crushes our joy.

So, here is that post. It is a long one. I'll be posting the Wednesday Review tomorrow, with a re-cap of my Twitter posts, and a few SPECIFIC eating/feeding tips to help you work on the WEIGHT side of your journey.

I would appreciate your feedback on this, and any of the other posts on this blog. Your thoughts matter. Your questions matter. I am on the same journey as you, maybe a month or two further on the path, but still journeying, the same. So, please take a moment to comment. Sign up as a follower and spread the word. Who knows....maybe I am planning a book on this whole experience.....maybe there is a Dance Party for One Journal in the works and YOUR thoughts and comments will help me in the process of making it a reality! Join in and let me know you are HERE!

Be Your Best,
Becky

RISKY BUSINESS

I've been thinking.

And I believe I've had a sort-of-epiphany.

I have been examining a critical question.

A question I have been asked a few time lately,

by women.

Women like me

who are navigating through

motherhood,

wife-ing

and faith.

Women who are wanting to be all they can be,

honor their God,

care for their children

and maintain good marriages.

First off,

I am always struck with the amount of

devotion

commitment

care

and selflessness

we as women

pour into our children (assuming we have them--I have FOUR).

I wonder how many minutes in any given week, would reflect the grand total of TIME

I spend on, for, with

my children.

Secondly,

I have been pondering the amount of time

devotion

commitment

care

and selflessness

we as women

pour into our husbands (assuming we have them--I have ONE)

AND YES, I am laughing at myself as I write this.

I am chuckling at the total number of minutes, in any given week, which would reflect the grand total of TIME

I spend on, for, with

my husband

.....in comparison to what I spend on my children.

Thirdly, am I the only one,

who's knows there is a GREAT discrepancy between those two totals?

Am I the only one,

who realizes (with some embarrassment)

that I do not

consciously GIVE

as freely, openly and sacrificially to

my husband

as I do to my children

(and I know, it is not because there are FOUR of them and ONE of him. I know it is not because he travels and commutes with work and is away from home a lot. I know it is not because he is a man of 44 and they are young people of 12 and 10 and 7)?

It is because of ME.

It is because of how I have placed importance on certain things and not others.

It is because I have made some things, some tasks, some duties (with my children)

more important, or necessary, or meaningful than him.

I know this.

I know I am doing better with this than I ever have before,

but I still know

there is a great imbalance between my EFFORTS toward Mike

and my ACCOMPLISHMENTS with my children.

But,

even this confession, this realization, this fact...

is NOT my actual epiphany.

Here is the question I have been struggling to answer...

(and thus the epiphany for MY life)

As I work on ME,

as I connect with myself

and learn more about loving and accepting ME

and becoming the woman I want to be

OUTSIDE of the roles and duties of

mothering

and

wife-ing....

How do I keep myself from becoming selfish?

How do I draw boundaries for myself, so I do not cross over into narcissism and neglect others?

Bottom line:

How do I know I am not being selfish when I take time out for me to REALLY focus on ME and what I want or need, and can I still be the kind of woman who loves and honors God with her life if I concentrate on ME?

This is the question I have been asked by others.

This is what I have been pondering.

I want to be able to answer this question, when asked.

I want to be able to answer it for myself.

This is a major question.

This is a question (I believe),

rooted in guilt

driven by fear

and

(dare, I even state it)...

only HALF of the question we (I) REALLY should be asking.

Deep breath, Becky.

Here's where I cross a line into an area that might shut down interest in anything else I have to say (ever)...

I think the OTHER side of this question,

the question I would ALSO like to be asked

(and frankly, have NEVER been asked, and until now, really never considered as a question for myself) is:

How do I know, I am not working, laboring, doing, being selfless, volunteering for everything, driving everyone everywhere, and pouring out every ounce of my life and my energy, and neglecting myself, me as a woman----out of PRIDE---in those very actions and sacrifices?

Selfishness

Pride?

Both are risky business.

So why is it,

we feel guilty

and struggle with our fears

and question the possibility of

selfishness,

when we

rarely,

take a look at ourselves

and feel guilty

and struggle with fears

and question the possibility

that we are riddled with and

drowning in

PRIDE?

Pride

in what

we do for others,

what we give to our children

how we go without, for them

give up and drain ourselves for them.

And

the

end

the

day,

Pride in how we have been

Good Mothers

or Good People,

because of what we have done, and

how exhausted we feel.

I think

Pride guides us,

as women,

much more than Selfishness.

Here's the epiphany part:

I am starting to see that

Pride is

another type of

SELF-ish

behavior.

It is a valuing of ourselves

because of who we THINK we are,

based on something we are doing RIGHT.

It is a focus on OURSELVES

and what we do and accomplish,

which makes us appear noble

and virtuous

and self-sacrificing.

I know that's harsh.

I know that sounds judgmental.

Maybe I am the only one looking at myself and my mothering

(and some of my wife-ing, friend-ing and church-ing)

through a magnifying glass...realizing I am truly

prone

to walk

in pride

(and ignore it)

because it is OTHERS focused...

But makes me feel Good.

The exhaustion and stress and suffering and self-neglect

(on some level)

feed me

and make me feel like I am GOOD because of that exhaustion, stress, suffering and self-neglect,

like I am Good and Right, for DOING all the "right, self-sacrificing" things.

And then, when I crash at night, there are THINGS to SHOW for my day.

THINGS to SHOW for my time.

REASONS to point to,

as to why I am worn out and drained

and ready for sleep,

when my husband might be ready for......me.

(And then, I can do as I've done in the past...I can blame him, feel like it is him who is being selfish, because I have GIVEN ALL DAY LONG.)

Pride is MY confidence in the things I do, making me Good.

Selfishness however, just makes me look plain ol' Bad, or at the least Not Good.

Both are risky.

Neither is worse, or better than the other.

So now, for me,

the bigger more important questions, based on what I am "knowing" about myself today (post-epiphany) are:

Why am I not more concerned about Pride in my life?

Why am I so riddled with guilt and convinced it is so wrong, or inappropriate to concern myself with ME?

What is at the root of my pride and my selfishness?

What is driving ME in each of these situations?

Asking such questions, can be risky business.

It may stir up some tough answers.

Answers which point to conclusions

and even, epiphanies-of-sorts,

leading me to understand and accept how much of a mess I really am,

and how much I need Someone to clean up after me

and make me right with Him,

each and every day of my life.

What I do know, for sure, is that

if I ask these questions because I am examining my SELF,

getting to know ME,

spending time on ME,

exploring who I want to be....

If I am asking these questions during the times when I am focused on SELF

and they lead me to an understanding of my need for Him,

isn't that the Point of it All?

Isn't that why He came?

Does He love me any more, or less or differently, because I am closer to the truth about who I really am AND who I want to be?

Nope. He's known the truth about me, all along.

And it's in the "getting closer to the truth,"

in the ME times, that I take FOR myself,

that I know myself even better

and

know even better (and deeper),

how very much He obviously loves me

and how very obviously,

need

Him.

It's a Date

2010-09-27T11:18:00.001-04:00

I am all about dates. I have always LOVED dates! I remember, when I was single, schlumping it out ALL day on a Saturday, staying in PJs, and lazying around....waiting for the clock to tell me it was time to get ready for a big night out. And get ready--I DID!

For me, dates are an occasion to go ALL OUT, looking my best and taking as much time as I can spend...FEELING my best. The getting ready is half of the fun! Date night includes a long shower, fresh toenail polish, an at-home facial, perfume, special (new?) clothes, lotioned-up legs and elbows, bigger and better hair, lipstick, killer earrings and a cute bag....THAT is a DATE for ME!

And that's what I do--when I'm going out with my husband, or on a GNO....or taking my son to dinner...or one of my daughters to the mall for shopping and lunch. I go on dates with my children A LOT. I spend that kind of time with them, individually, a different child (I have four), weekly. I go out with Mike for dinner and/or drinks, just about every other weekend....and love the TIME it takes to get ready to be with each of them....and THEY love that I take all that time, FOR THEM. My daughters pick out my clothes for our dates. My son treats me like a REAL date, when we go out. He knows, they know, Mike knows, I have dressed up for ME, but I have also dressed up for THEM for our time together.

But here, I must make another confession....
I get "dressed" ALL the TIME
I don't mean, GLAMMED out to the MAX, every day...
but I DO put forth
EFFORT every day,
EVERY DAY
to look my best.
Every Day.

The way I see it,
I can take 5 minutes extra a day,
and add it to what I REALLY need in minutes to get ready,
and go from
"Showered and Ready"
to
"Showered and Great"
I can add 10 extra minutes and torque it up to
"Showered and Polished"
or
I can take 15 (just 15 minutes extra)
and end up with
"Showered and Fabulous."
MY FABULOUS
No one else's Fabulous.
MY version of Fabulous.

Your fabulous will be different than mine
your comfort level will be different
your results will be different
because you are unique
(remember?)
You are incredibly unique
AND
Who YOU want to be
is not who I WANT TO BE!
Who do you want to be?
(remember that question?)

So, think of your OWN fabulous.
And think of what YOU could do
with your SELF,
if you gave yourself 15 extra minutes to get ready
two mornings, a week.
Just two mornings.
What two mornings, do you want to devote an extra 15 minutes to,
in order to go from "Showered and Ready" to
"Showered and Fabulous?"

And before you start thinking this is altogether too vain,
too shallow,
too silly or stupid
or unnecessary...
maybe it would help if you went back to thinking about the stuff you listed last time....
The list of things you would do if you were preparing for the Dream Job Interview.
You made a list (maybe? hopefully? If not, there is always TODAY to make that list)
What if,
TODAY (or the two days you are going to pick during this week to be 15 minutes MORE fabulous), was the day you were heading out on that interview?
What if your First Impression, TODAY
was going to change YOUR LIFE?!?!

You see,
I believe,
Being (your version of) FABULOUS,
will
and does
Change Your Life.
Seriously.
Honestly.

I'll say it again:
Being
(your version of)
FABULOUS
will
and does
change your life.

I went shopping with a BFF I hadn't gone REALLY shopping with in more than TWO decades, during a recent visit to my college town. G and I tried on jeans. And more jeans. And more jeans. And chunky heels and platform shoes. And cute jackets and sweaters. And fitted tops and layering tanks, and accessories. WE had a blast. We laughed at some outfits. Rolled our eyes at others.....and then shed a few tears. Literally did a little crying in our dressing room...because it felt SO GOOD. We were fed, by the adventure of putting something NEW on our 40-something bodies. We were fed by the companionship while trying on "out there" outfits that pushed us beyond out comfort zones.

And

We
Looked
Fabulous

and

We FELT fabulous

I remember commenting to G, while we were deciding what (if anything) to purchase,
"You, know that when we wear these outfits,
we're going to remember today
and how fabulous this felt.
I bet we will be nicer to our children when we are wearing these,
and feeling so good about ourselves.
I bet I will be more kind to my husband when I look like this.
I bet I will smile a lot more in these clothes,
I will stand taller, hold my head higher and even speak differently
Because I feel so great. So fabulous! So "New Me," in them!"

I didn't buy ANYTHING that day.
BUT,
I carried that,
I CAN BE FABULOUS
feeling around with me, IN me,
even without a bag of new clothes.
Because I caught a look at myself in the mirror
and saw a glimpse of my
Inner Fabulousness
shining through, shining OUT of me
ONTO
My Outer Me.
And
IT
was
FABULOUS!

You see,
I had embraced my INNER fabulousness
and OUTER ME Fabulousness,
months earlier.
I had DECIDED I wanted to BE fabulous
rather than messy, baggy, thrown-together,
dressed down and dull,
about half-way through my weight loss journey.

And please, keep in mind, FABULOUS is different for me than for you.
All I am talking about here, is EFFORT and CARE...
Effort, equalling TIME spent on yourself.
Time you LEAVE yourself to get ready.
TIME you PLAN on, and give yourself to get ready for your day...
And CARE.
CARE, equalling WHAT you do with that time.
HOW you spend it on yourself.
WHAT you consciously work into your routine and prep time before you leave the house for your day, or afternoon or evening.
Consider how YOU can go from READY.....to.....Fabulous.

I went on a date with my oldest girl last week for brunch.
We both looked fabulous.
I am going out today with my brother for lunch to celebrate his birthday,
and I am GOING to Look Fabulous.

Here is what YOU are going to do...
Here is the greatest challenge I have posed YET...
Here is what I am asking you to do THIS week...
SOME DAY
or afternoon
or evening
THIS WEEK
(and I would really like to hear about it, so post a comment, or send me a private note telling me all about it)...

1) Turn to the next blank page in your journal and make a list of your favorite lunch or dinner places (WITH a MENU and SERVERS...no drive thrus, no sticky counters where you place your order, no teenage employees with funny hats, big microphones or polyester pants and goofy nametags). Make a list of restaurants.

2) GO BACK a page to where you made the list of things you'd do to get ready for a job interview...and do some crossing out or erasing...MAKE you page a list of things you would do to get ready for a DATE...MANY items will stay the same, maybe a couple with change.

3) Pick two days THIS WEEK, to take 15 extra minutes to get ready...to take yourself from READY to FABULOUS.

4) On the second day.....SOME TIME THIS WEEK.......(GET READY, HERE IT COMES....)
Pick one of the restaurants
and
Take
Your
Fabulous
Self
ON A DATE.
DO THIS ALONE.
GO OUT TO DINNER OR LUNCH
COMPLETELY ALONE
Looking Fabulous
Feeling your best
ALONE.

Ask for a table for ONE
Take a long time looking at the menu
DECIDE what you want to FEED yourself
and order it.
Do not rush
TRY not to feel too self conscious
TRY to enjoy yourself
TRY to connect with being on your own, eating what you like and FEEDING yourself.

If you must,
take your Dance Party journal along.
Fill in the pages you haven't done yet.
Focus your thinking
Connect with YOU
Be WHO you are wanting to be.

I am serious about this.
This is a MAJOR thing to ask (for some of you)
For others, you go out for lunch alone a lot, because of work and such...
but this time, it will be different. It will be a conscious decision to do so--
A DATE WITH YOURSELF,
while looking fabulous.

Hire a babysitter, or trade with a friend who will do this for you.
Expense is not the issue.
You do not have to pick a fancy place.
BUT
You MUST put forth CARE and EFFORT into getting yourself ready
and
YOU must go alone.....
and SPEND ONE HOUR doing it.

Can you?
Are you Ready?
Are you FABULOUS?
Of COURSE you are!
You just need a little practice
in letting it OUT!

That's all.
Be Your Best!
Becky

In the Meantime

2010-09-23T17:38:00.001-04:00

Thursday.

Not a blogging day for me.

But I have been away,

Away from writing my thoughts,

sending Tweets

and posting ideas to be contemplated and pondered.

I am the one who has been doing to contemplating and pondering.

I have been thinking and sharing, talking and visiting

with friends, like you and me.

Getting together with other women. Wives. Moms. Women.

Who are interested in This.

Who are interested in Me.

And where I am going with This.

This blog. This experience. This opportunity.

I have been with my friends.

Some old, some new, and some I have met through this blog.

I answered questions.

I posed questions.

I shared my heart, got a little vulnerable

and opened up with them,

about me.

I didn't sleep much

I ended up a bit overwhelmed

with my head spinning.

And

gained

five

pounds

In six days,

I gained five pounds

FIVE POUNDS, People!

And I can lose them.
I know this.
I know I can lose five pounds.
I know I can do just about ANYTHING.

It's just a matter of DECIDING to do it.
And then deciding HOW I want to do it.

Here's how I will DO it:

First, I will look at those five pounds, and determine what they MEAN to me.

In this case, those five pounds mean I drove my children to Orlando so they could hang out with my husband (their dad), a great guy, in Florida--visiting theme parks, playing miniature golf and building memories. I ate pretzels, and chugged Diet Cokes while I drove the seven hours to get them to Florida (and then seven hours back a few days later). Those five pounds also mean, I was at an airport for SEVERAL glorious hours...alone. I sat at an airport waiting on a plane (four planes actually, after counting the lay-overs and return flights). I sat in solitude and enjoyed some McDonald's fries. I sat with strangers on a plane, and told them my story. And felt myself inspired by the looks in their eyes and the stories THEY shared in return). Those five pounds mean I went "out" ten times for FOOD with friends and family. At each gathering, I was AGAIN, inspired and connected to MYSELF and the people I love. It also means, I made a trip to the hometown where my mother grew up, so I could visit her 82 year-old sister, and tell HER my story and allow my four children the opportunity to spend time getting to know MY aunt, my cousins. Those five pounds also mean I felt myself running on fumes and needing rest. I had to cancel one of my meetings during the trip (sorry, G). I needed to rest. I needed to tune out and turn off my "Story" and just BE. I needed to be plain ol' Becky. Without any insight to share or motivation to impart. I needed to call my husband and have him "manage" me and tell me what do to. Which he did. He told me to get into the car and close my eyes and rest. And spend the rest of the day, having fun. Just having fun. Not talking or sharing or giving or 'living with intention and purpose.' He told me to go have fun. And I did.

In six days, I had FIVE pounds-worth of fun and friendship and meaning and connection and inspiration.

Next, I will set about losing the five pounds, shedding them, working on them...but holding on to the fun. The sharing. The lessons. The encounters and inspiration I met with on the way to gaining them.

I will cut back here and there. I will dance a little harder and for a few extra minutes. I will make a few additional CONSCIOUS decisions with how I FEED myself for the next few weeks. And with every decision, extra song I move to and each additional do-over I give myself, I will think of you...the ones who were there with me, while I gained the five pounds. You were a part of my story this weekend. You were a part of my learning and sharing and growing. And...you will be a part of my losing. You will be a part of the energy that keeps me going. That makes me proud of the time I spent, the moments when I relaxed with you, was challenged by you, cried with (and in front of) you and was myself, my true, honest, vulnerable, flawed, french-fry-eating, wine-drinking, black-leather-boot-strutting, red-lipstick-wearing, five-pounds-heavier-than-when-I got-in-the-car-to-see-you, SELF.

What I won't do with those five pounds is:
Feel guilty about them
Regret that they are there
Give up on myself
Blame you for even an ounce
Let them stay on me
or
Add to them
because I think they don't matter.

To me...
those five pounds
MATTER

On so may levels,
those five pounds
and the other 95 I lost...
Matter.

In the meantime, while I am working on those five
(for however long it takes),
I will chew my gum,
I will save a dollar in the back of MY journal
(you need to have about $25 set aside by now),
I will put on my lipstick
I will keep my gray roots touched up
I will keep my legs shaved
I will put lotion on my elbows
I will pluck my eyebrows as needed
I will hunt for new, fun music for my personal dance parties
I will blog and tweet and post on Facebook
I will tell my story to strangers at the mall in the shoe department
I will encourage my girls to put on their lipgloss
I will take off my nail polish when it gets chipped
I will sit on the porch for a glass of red at night

I will NOT stop doing the things that feed me,
REALLY feed me,
While I am in the process of working on five pounds.

All of the things I listed above are the things I used to "LET GO"of, when I was feeling my worst. When I was feeling fat, and tired and hopeless. Those are the things I just STOPPED tending to, in terms of my appearance. I felt like those things didn't really MATTER. That NOTHING was worth the time or effort in terms of MY APPEARANCE, when I was unhappy with my weight.

How 'bout you? Are there things You have "Let Go" of, because you felt like they just didn't add up to much in the grand picture of YOU? I mean GOOD, healthy, look-your-best practices and habits?

Here is your assignment for the next day or two (I will blog again tomorrow, so get to work on this one, ASAP):

1) Turn to the next clean page in your journal and print:
If I were going for a job interview in three days for my DREAM JOB, in order to make the best FIRST IMPRESSION I am capable of, I would do the following things to my appearance to get ready:

Then, print the word TODAY at the left margin, and leave a few lines for listing your ideas.

Half-way down the page, print the word TOMORROW at the left margin, leaving a few more lines for listing your ideas.

A few lines from the bottom, print the words THE DAY BEFORE at the left margin.

2) Guess what you're going to do now? Exactly. You're going to fill in those blank lines on your paper with your answers. I know for me, I would get my hair cut. I would file my nails so they're even. I would look into getting my roots touched up. I would find something to wear that made me look the way I WANT TO BE SEEN. There are any number of things you can list. Make them specific to you! Little things and big things you can work on, highlight, change, alter, TRY over the course of three days to get yourself ready for your DREAM JOB INTERVIEW! Fill in your list. Be specific.

3) Turn to the front of your journal...to that FIRST page where you are recording the little nuggets of inspiration, and READ what you have written, a few times. I will give you something to add to that page, Next Time. In the meantime, do today's little assignment. See if you can fill in all three parts of the page in one sitting (with your gum in your mouth and your lips properly glossed).

That's all.
Be Your Best,
Becky

(FOLLOW this BLOG! FOLLOW on TWITTER! TELL your friends and family about THIS. WE ALL NEED IT...especially ME, while I'm working on those five pounds!)

Let Freedom Ring

2010-09-17T05:14:00.000-04:00

Ok, this is a RE-post from my other blog "Truth Time" (you can link to it from my Blogspot profile over to the right >>>>). I was encouraged by a friend, to post here on DP41 (AKA: Dance Party for One...a much quicker way to refer to THIS blog, so when you see that abbreviation, you'll know what it means).

Enjoy this post, think about how YOU can become more free, and use today and the weekend to catch up on some of the previous posts in this spot!

I eat dessert first (sometimes)

I eat my favorite chicken salad for breakfast (on occasion)

I head to the movies when my kids are in school (once a week, in August)

I put on make-up & re-do my hair at night, just to try new things (quite often)

I don't make my bed every morning

I eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch from the box

I don't return all of my phone calls

I wear my over-the-knee boots around the house (in August)

I put on lipstick to check the mail

I try on dresses at the store, that I'd never wear in public

I wear in public, dresses some of you would never wear in your life

I wear skirts and dresses to school events

I wear heels to school meetings

I skip a real dinner sometimes, and fill up on wine

I buy pretty notecards I might never use, because I like them

I have three American Girl dolls, I don't let my girls play with

I don't finish reading books I don't like

I cut pages out of InStyle magazine & tape them into my Fashion Journal

I change to & start a new bottle of shampoo, when my other bottle isn't empty

I give/receive make-overs from my 7 year-old daughters

I don't volunteer at school. Really

I make my kids do their homework by themselves

I don't walk my kids to the bus stop

I let my kids skip school for Mental Health Days

I play Christmas music whenever the mood strikes

I slip treats under my kids' pillows for no reason at all

and I text suggestive messages to my husband (a lot)

AND

Today, I bought a sweater.

A yummy, textured, burnt orange,

ruffle-y collared

make-me-feel-so-happy

Sweater.

And it was 82 degrees out.

But I wanted to wear it.

So...

I cranked the AC,

Put on my sweater,

and a pair of jeans,

and a pair of boots,

lit my LEAVES scented candle in one room

and my PUMPKIN PIE candle in another

And sat in my Dining Room

which is ALWAYS decorated for Autumn.

I looked at and studied

the pumpkins,

gourds,

berries

and pine cones

in my favorite ceramic trays

arranged with

bark-covered candles and

leaves

And I was delighted

I felt Fall

I felt all the wonderful things I love about

Autumn

and ignored the fact that my kids were in shorts

and had been throwing water balloons a little earlier in the yard.

I escaped from the reality that Mike had mowed the yard on Saturday because the grass is still growing like crazy.

I allowed myself to experience TODAY

what is probably another 6 weeks from being TRUE

I did this today,

and do all the other things I listed above

because

I am free.

I am free to do them.

I have finally given myself the FREEDOM to

play

and have fun

and enjoy

and grab hold of, the things that bring me joy

and enhance my wonder, of this beautiful thing I have

called

LIFE.

I have been hung up

for so long

on doing things RIGHT

or being RIGHT

Correct

Abiding by Laws and Rules

of my own making,

or by cultural,

grown-up or

"what's expected"

standards

I spent too much time,

years, decades even,

DOING things I didn't want to do

or NOT doing things I REALLY wanted to do

because the calendar

the season

the neighbors

or other moms

or other wives

or other southerners

or other religious people

or other family members

DID them or DIDN'T do them.

I am, by nature

A Pleaser

A Rule Keeper

A Good Girl

(still true, all of the above)

But now,

NOW,

I am an adult.

I waited all of my young life,

to Grow Up....

and I love being a grown up.

I love being a woman.

And

It is now time,

for me to

step into,

walk through

and enjoy

all the experience,

wisdom

opportunity

creativity

fun

pleasure

and

Freedom

I have at my disposal.

I am not a rebel

I am not out to buck the system

or do destructive things

JUST BECAUSE I CAN....

But I am ready

to LIVE.

To live FULLY ALIVE and Awake!

I can say NO

when I don't want to do something

I can say

"I'll think about it"

When I'm not sure

and need more time to consider

I can

Change My MIND

in the middle of almost anything.

Really,

I can.

I am free to do that

and will take responsibility for my actions when

doing so necessitates it.

I can say YES to doing things

I have wanted to do

(but have NOT done because I felt silly or immature doing them

or considered FIRST what other people would think,

rather than what I wanted.)

And

I can put on a cozy sweater

and rig the AC to make the house chilly,

so I can savor a 30 minute preview

of my favorite season-to-come,

SIX weeks before it gets here.

There is absolutely

Nothing

Wrong

with being free.

Let Freedom Ring

(I've decided to listen to Elvis sing, Blue Christmas before I head to bed tonight.)

OH, just a reminder...I would really appreciate you deciding to FOLLOW this blog, by clicking over to the right. Make it a statement of your decision to try these ideas or at the least, read and be entertained by my ramblings! Thanks!

That's all.

Be Your Best,

Becky

Wednesday Review AND BONUS POST!!!

2010-09-15T02:18:00.013-04:00

Uh-oh! Looks like SOMEONE has been falling a bit short on her "I'll Tweet three times a day for you" pledge....Only a few tweets worthy of a listing (read them, and I'll toss in a little insight afterward...)

* When you've lost 5lbs, pick up a 5lb bag of sugar & carry it around your house for 5 minutes. 5lbs is NOT small! 5lbs, makes a difference!

* I leave the table when finished with my dinner. My kids can clear their own places & it keeps my from EATING when I've already FED myself

* Mike brought home dessert from my favorite bakery. I ate 1/4 of a serving BEFORE dinner. MY family finished the rest AFTER I left the table

Ok.

That's Three.

Three little Tweets to re-post for review, this week.

There were a few other things I tweeted, but they were mostly about blogs I'd posted or requests for YOU to pass the word about this blog or sign up, or blah, blah, blah.

In my opinion, not much to RE-POST or worth taking up your time...

I COULD feel like a failure for NOT posting three times a day.

I COULD feel like I have let you down, and beat myself up with guilt about it.

I COULD feel like I bit off more than I could chew by even committing to do three.

I COULD start to reconsider the WHOLE entire Twitter thing.

I COULD begin to doubt that it even makes a difference.

I COULD begin to wonder if ANYONE even notices the Tweets, or this blog, or the page I've

started on Facebook.

I COULD begin to think about YOU, and judge you, I mean....if you had actually NOTICED I had not been posting a lot of tweets, you really COULD have sent me a note and let me know they were missed. YOU could have made me feel better about what I have been doing by even using Twitter in the first place. YOU could have given me more support!

I COULD start making stuff up and posting it, just to get it done.

I COULD let the whole Twitter thing pass away and eventually forget about it.

I COULD give up.

But....

That would be the old me.

That would be the ol' Strong Starter, Poor Finisher Becky.

And that is not Who I Want to Be.

That is not Who I am NOW.

Because I changed

I made a decision to change

And even when, I am presented with things

I COULD do...

I can STOP the COULDs

And START MYSELF Again.

Any Time I Want.

I. Can. Start. Again. Any. Time. I. Want.

Taking a break

Falling behind

Momentary lapses

Surprise Spurts of the Old Me...

DO NOT mean, I didn't (or can't) really change.

They just mean, I am still CHANGING.

I am still building my confidence in my ability to follow through on my changes.

We give up too easily.

Way too easily.

And it is not that we give up on our diet too easily

or that we give up on our exercising too easily

It's that we give up on our SELVES too easily.

We think we CAN'T,

Just because we DIDN'T (a time or two, or ten times).

We think, that just because we made A choice, or TWO choices, or TEN choices today, in a different direction than we had PLANNED on going....

That we have failed.

We think of everything in terms of Good and Bad

and Success or Failure

Instead of choosing

Just choosing

Life.

We see the food we eat,

as good or bad.

We make so many of our choices

and our judgements

about ourselves

and others....

center around

Good and Bad.

When we really need to make choices

that

are

LIFE.

Choose LIFE, people!

Choose to live.

When you start to think you have failed with your day....

STOP. Stop yourself RIGHT THERE....

and choose LIFE

Ask yourself,

"Who do I want to be....RIGHT NOW, This Second?"

And answer,

"I choose to STOP.

And start again,

Right now."

You may end up choosing to STOP 50 times in one day!

Go ahead and do it.

Stop.

And go to bed knowing that you

CONSCIOUSLY CHOSE to STOP yourself

...and start again, each and every time you wanted to

(even if it was 100 times!)

It's simple, really.

Stop

Breathe for 10 seconds

and

Start Over.

All DAY!

In my house, we call this a Do-Over. There are mornings (typically on a weekend, or in the summer, but we are known to do this even on a school morning, or after school, or even at dinner time), when someone (one of the kids...or often, ME), falls apart. Or has a rotten attitude. Or cannot seem to get along with anyone else. Or seems really tired and frustrated. Sometimes, there is just a terrible amount of tension in the house. I will look at the child (or even the entire family) who is struggling (or realize I am the one struggling), and will say, "I think we need a Do-over. Go upstairs to your room(s), close your door and get back in your bed. I will be in to 'wake' you up in five minutes and we'll start this day all over. You can have another chance. We'll act like this never happened." Or, I will announce to my children, I NEED a Do-Over. I am going to my room and shutting my door and getting into my bed. I will be back downstairs in five minutes and we'll start all over.

And they, we, I--do exactly that!

Crazy, huh?

So crazy, that it works.

Don't you wish you got Do-Overs?

GOOD NEWS!

You Do!

There is nothing PREVENTING you

from giving yourself a do-over.

You have limitless do-overs at your disposal,

at any point in your day!

every minute of the day!

each and every day!

each day of every week!

any day of the month!

You may need a BIG Do-over....you may need to apologize to a friend, or your spouse for days, weeks or years of reacting or behaving a certain way, holding a grudge or taking for granted their presence in your life. Don't just apologize...ask for a Do-Over.

You may need a SMALL Do-over...You may have EATEN like a horse, at breakfast. Give yourself a Do-over, RIGHT THEN. Don't agonize over it. Just STOP and move on. Start again, the moment your MIND and your HEART connect with it.

You may have started following this blog with enthusiasm and grand plans...and have noticed the excitement tapering off. STOP yourself. DON'T give up. Just give yourself a DO-OVER and begin again! or pick up where you left off. or go back to a post that inspired you or gave you momentum.

In most cases.....It's NOT that big of a deal. It's not that big of a deal to just START again!

Really.

Typically, you don't use your journal on Wednesday, but this time, you will. I only want you to do two things (in addition to continuing with the gum, the lipstick and the dancing)....

1) Open your journal to the first page and write (anywhere)

QUIT GIVING UP!

Start STOPPING

Start STARTING OVER

I GET AS MANY DO-OVERS as I NEED TODAY

2) Take your measuring tape (I mentioned this waaaay back in the FIRST post and in the Getting Started tab), and measure yourself, in a slim t-shirt and shorts, or your fancy underpants and brassiere....measure (and record on the LAST page of your journal)

IN CENTIMETERS:

Your waist

Your upper arm

Your thigh

Your hips (the widest, bulkiest part)

Your boobs (again, the widest, bulkiest part)

Your ribs (right there, under your boobs)

and Your neck

IF you are afraid your journal might fall into enemy hands, and get published on the internet, find a way to write it in code, just remember how to translate the code. (I'm not really kidding here....I know you're clever, you can think of SOME way to do this).

I hope you are still putting ONE dollar in the envelope at the back of your journal, for each day of the month. At this point, you really need to have about $15 saved...

That's all.

Be Your Best,

Becky

PS. Did you see what I did here? I STOPPED dwelling on how I had fallen short of my goal to post three things a day on Twitter...I stopped droning on and on about how I only had three measly things to re-post. I didn't take ANY of the "I'm a failure, I'll never be able to do this, look how I've already blown it and it's only been a couple of weeks...." options, and I did something ELSE. I stopped myself where I was, and I started again....Adding a NEW post, a BONUS post! I turned the set-back, into an accomplishment, because the very set-back I was aware of, gave me material for a NEW BLOG Post! It moved me OUT of NOT tweeting, into a FULL-BLOWN, wordy, helpful (?), insightful (?) POST! And I didn't beat myself up, give up, or QUIT! I just stopped what I was doing (actually WASN'T doing, in the case of NOT Twittering) and STARTED myself again...with a WHOLE post. WOW! That felt good!!!!

Think you can do the same?

WITH YOUR LIFE?

I bet you can.

COME BACK TO THIS POST AS MANY TIMES AS YOU NEED, (at least mentally), FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!

PS II. You also GET that the whole TWITTER thing is a metaphor for the Ups and Downs you're bound to go through with this weight loss/discover yourself/become who you want to be THING that we're doing together (and how YOU can choose to respond with blame, self loathing, defeat...or jumping back in wherever you left off) right? Just making sure.

That is the Question...

2010-09-13T14:02:00.007-04:00

Today, we start with a question.

Who do you want to be?

I cannot even COUNT the number of times I have heard myself pose that question...to myself, to my children and to my friends. Might be a tough question. Might be an easy one. Certainly, it can be answered in countless ways...and it is your ANSWERS to that question, which will serve as the compass for the remainder of your journey....and your life.

Because,

When it all comes down to it, whether I am looking at my marriage, my role as a mother, friend or sister, even my appearance and my weight,

I have realized, it is not about what I do

or the hats I wear or jobs I hold

or the people I care for, lead and love,

or the challenges I face, trials I encounter or setbacks I suffer

or the bad days, bum deals, short-ended-sticks I'm given

losses, ordeals or chaos I succumb to

it is not even about my marriage

or my family

or my community

or my position, place or status in this world....

It is CENTRALLY,

ULTIMATELY

about WHO I AM

and WHO I WANT TO BE

IT IS

about ME.

And while I know it sounds

noble

sacrificial

righteous

and

humble

to say, it is NOT about me,

or it shouldn't be about me

or it is selfish to make it about me

or egocentric to make it about me

or narcissistic to make it about me

It really is about me,

which means it really is about

you.

Everything is about YOU

EVERYTHING is IN FACT about you...

interacting with

participating in

living through

experiencing

being

LIVING

on this planet

at this time

And what you do with yourself.

I am not a philosopher

I do not know how to say it any plainer

or more elaborately than that.

It is about YOU.

You may choose to deflect that,

or try to explain it away

or sugar coat it in some way,

but your life,

is about you.

And throwing yourself on the train track

Living for the sake of others

Losing yourself

Getting a grip on your issues

Acknowledging you have much to learn,

much to conquer

much to discover

and

are

worth

all the

time

and effort that

learning, conquering and discovering

require---are your choices to make.

You are already making 100 choices a day...

It's just that you're not even conscious for half of them.

So...

For the record:

You are NOT

being selfish when you take time for yourself.

You are NOT

neglecting others

or crossing over into

some wack-o religious heresy or cult

because you dedicate yourself to

knowing yourself and becoming more.

Really.

Some of us need to hear that.

We aren't doing ANYONE any good,

if we are glossing over WHO we ARE, for sake of helping someone ELSE grow-up or find love or be taken care of. We are sending a mixed message to our children, our spouses and our communities if we tell them they are loved, lay down our lives to help them become and grow, teach them they have value and significance, and then live OUR lives in a way contrary to the lessons we are teaching and love we are giving.

I told my husband today on the phone,

I would never want to

grow up or

get married or

and have children

EVER,

if it meant

I had to cease

knowing, growing, and experiencing life

FOR MYSELF.

If I automatically became a Selfish Person

because I wanted to be MORE

after I became an adult or wife or mother.

Seriously, what a rip off!

What a bunch of liars we are,

if we are telling our children they can dream

and want and hope and desire

to be great people....

if we ourselves, don't really believe it.

What an awfully sad thing it would be,

if we told our daughters to dream of driving a mini-van

and hope for a new flavor of Hamburger Helper

and have visions for themselves of clipping coupons and arranging play-dates for their yet-to-be-born kids.

What an empty hope we'd be passing on to our children,

if we told them, to do their best, try their hardest,

work on their character and talents and giftings

and relationships

and themselves....NOW

because once you hit 25 or so,

the rest is just flat and gray

and carpool and t-shirts with socks for sleeping

"Hope you liked your life and lived it well before adulthood, because after that, you're pretty much selfish if you try to keep up what you were doing and who you were interested in BEING before that....."

You know I'm not trying to be funny right?

I think that is EXACTLY the struggle some of us are having...

even with this blog.

Even with the exercises I am giving you to try in your notebooks.

We are either struggling to even believe it is OK to work on ourselves

We are afraid to hope, try and believe that it

Might Actually Work

We've tried before,

or at least have been desperate before.

We WANT to change

We HOPE it is possible.

But we are afraid,

We are terrified that we will fail again.

I get that.

I understand that.

I am going to tell you more of my story,

how I faced those fears

what I did to make it DIFFERENT this time

how I REALLY managed to make it happen...

Next Time.

This time, here is what I want you to do in your notebook:

1) Get your gum and your lipstick ready. Prepare your mouth!

2) Sit down with your notebook and THINK...REMEMBER...go back in your head and memories to the times when your teachers, parents, neighbors, friends and families asked you the timeless question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

3) Open your notebook to the BACK of the last page where you wrote something (this should be the left-hand side of your journal). Make a list of as many "careers" or "what you wanted to be's" on this page. For example, you might write: I wanted to be a nurse, or a teacher, or a writer, or a gymnast, or a lawyer, or a model or a....

Just make a list of everything you can remember.

4) Examine your list and try to think of WHY those careers were appealing. What was it about being a model that you liked? What about being a teacher, was appealing? What did you think about nurses, why did you want to be one? As you are thinking, start to consider what KIND of PEOPLE enter those careers and have success. Think of QUALITIES and TRAITS central to success in the fields you noted. JUST start thinking....

And then come back and read the rest of this post.

(I know you're going to go ahead a read it right NOW. I know, most of you read these posts and think of your answers, but don't really keep the notebook, and might not even have on lipgloss. I get that. I also get, that if you are REALLY desperate, if you really want to change, you will take the time to go back over these posts again and DO what I suggest, because you really are willing to pay the price at all cost to make something happen in your life---which is why I am so happy for you and proud of you....and it doesn't bother me one bit that you are moving at your own pace and doing this your own way...it is afterall, all about you. I already lost the 100 pounds. I already made my decisions and counted the cost. And DID IT! This is about You!)

Here is the rest of the post....and it is about ME.

It is about how I CHANGED ONE CRITICAL THING in my life...

This is the one thing that I believe, made the greatest difference in every other decision and change:

I no longer think in terms of what I WANT to HAVE or DO.
I do not think about the kind of marriage I WANT.
I do not think in terms of the kind of FAMILY I WANT.
Or the kind of kids I WANT.

I think of WHO I want to be.

I want to be patient
and loving
and generous
and affectionate
and attentive
and present
and bold
and decisive
and purposeful
and devoted
and genuine
and beautiful
and fun
and caring
and enthusiastic
and discerning
and accepting
and free

SO I AM.

I AM WHO I want to BE.
It matters NOT how my husband is
or my kids
or my friends.

I have a running list in MY spiral notebook, of words describing WHO I want to be. Not what I want to do, or how I want things and relationships to be, but WHO I WANT TO BE.

It all started for me, when I really accepted that I wasn't GETTING what I wanted out my personal/marriage/family LIFE. I knew what I wanted. Knew it from the earliest days of my life, when I was a young girl....

I realized, I was WAITING for something I could not MAKE happen, or get for myself. Because marriage is between TWO people. Family, at least mine, is about SIX people. All of my friendships involved at least one other person and ME.

but then....
I realized, I could still be the WOMAN I WANTED TO BE,

WITHIN MY MARRIAGE

and my FAMILY

and my friendships.

I could still be the WIFE, MOTHER, FRIEND I wanted to be....

NOT because it was RIGHT to act certain ways,

or because I HAD to be a "good" wife (mom or friend),

but

BECAUSE IN MY GUT,

IN MY HEART OF HEARTS,

I wanted to BE,

really wanted to BE

a certain kind of person,

a certain kind of wife...regardless of who I was married to.

A certain kind of mom....

really, I knew the

WOMAN I WANTED TO BE.

And so, I ask...

Here is the question again...

Who do YOU want to be?

5) Go back to your notebook and turn to the first page.

Read what you wrote the first day:

Stop eating.

Start feeding myself.

That statement really applies to ALL of my life.....
I STOPPED analyzing and AGONIZING the relationships

(or lack thereof), in my life.
I STOPPED dwelling on my expectations (aka DISAPPOINTMENTS)
I STOPPED looking at the PEOPLE in my life...
and started looking AT ME.
Started thinking about the ME I wanted to be

IN the different circumstances and relationships in my life

Rather than looking AT the AREAS and RELATIONSHIPS of my life.

And, I set out to BECOME the version of myself I had WANTED to be all along.

It was risky.

It made me vulnerable to hurts and rejection, but I DID IT.

I connected with WHO I WANTED to BE....

I became MORE KIND.

I became MORE AFFECTIONATE.

I became more attentive,

BECAUSE THAT IS WHO I WANTED TO BE.

I WANTED TO BE kind, affectionate and attentive.

and it had NOTHING to do with

who I was married to,

or who my kids were or

who I was friends with.

It was all about me.

It is always about me

(and in your life, it is always about you)

6) Turn to the next blank page in your journal, and print the following question at the top:

Who do I want to be?

Then, on the first line underneath, at the left margin, print the beginning of the following sentence:

I want to be a/an.......

Then, go to the very last line on the page and in the center, print "Woman."

7) This week, today, NOW....list as many WORDS as you can think of, you would LIKE to be described as...words you would like to have said about you. Words you WANT TO BE! WHO YOU WANT TO BE. Use your thoughts and conclusions from the earlier stuff you did when thinking about the careers you were interested in as a girl. Draw from the traits you identified as common to the TYPES of PEOPLE who are successful in the careers you listed. I think your answers from when you were a girl, and the kinds of careers and people you found interesting...are still a part of your CORE, your essence, today.

Please try this one.

I really think it is important.

SO important in fact, that I am going to add MY ACTUAL list, what is in MY journal, to a post on this blog so you can see what I mean. So you can LOOK INTO MY LIFE and understand ME a little better. My hope is that it will help you. I am willing to show you who I want to be and risk your laughter, snickers, judgement and whatever else you may think of me, after reading it.

8. Please print on the first page of your notebook (where you have written all the other clever little phrases), WHEREVER YOU WANT:

It REALLY is ALL about me

WHO do I want to BE?

Pass along the link to this blog and the YouTube clip and sign up to FOLLOW (please?)

That's all.

Be Your Best,

Becky

My List of WHO I WANT TO BE follows this one (just below it)

Who I Want to BE....My Journal Page

2010-09-13T14:02:00.002-04:00

Here it is.

The real deal.

If you can't read it as it appears on the screen, click on it and it SHOULD expand and become easier to read.

This is me.

My handwriting

My pink pen

My journal

Enjoy (or not)!

I Like to Move IT!

2010-09-10T20:50:00.004-04:00

I love the smell of:

1. A newborn baby's breath

2. Almond Extract

3. Honeysuckle

4. Freshly cut grass

5. Grape flavored ANYTHING

6. My mother

7. Gasoline

8. Matches (but not gasoline & matches together)

9. The Beach

10. Leather

11. Baby Magic lotion

12. Target (really, Target has a scent)

13. Calvin Klein Eternity cologne (reminds me of college)

14. Burgers on the grill

15. Suntan lotion

I love the sound of:

1. Michael laughing

2. Children singing

3. Rain

4. Bono's voice

5. My children having their own conversations

6. Our National Anthem

7. A football game on the TV when I start a nap

8. Rice Krispies when the milk hits the bowl

9. Bubble wrap being popped

10. The UPS truck stopping at my house

11. A crackling fireplace

12. Jingle bells

13. Coins in a piggy bank

14. The intro to "Jack and Diane"

15. Michael's voice, telling me a story to help me fall asleep at night

But, do you know what I REALLY love?

Dancing!

Wildly, losing myself, with no care as to how I look--

Dancing.

I love to dance.

I do not like to exercise

I do not like to run

I do not like to work out.

I do not like putting on workout clothes.

I especially didn't like putting on workout clothes,

100 pounds ago.

In fact, nothing made me feel more schlumpy than a pair of workout pants, and a T-shirt, with a pair of white gym socks, big ol' running shoes and my hair in a pony tail or headband....

All made worse by the fact that I wasn't wearing makeup.

I believe this is why I knew,

Knew, knew, knew

I had to find another way than the traditional

Go to the gym

Join a class

Walk or run on a piece of equipment

kind-of workout.

And find it,

I did.

Let me pause here, and make a statement.

One I am trusting you to pay attention to...really

I want to say here again, just as it says to the left of this blog....I am not a trainer, or a nutritionist or an expert in ANY field relating to diet and weight-loss. I am just a woman who managed to figure out (for myself) how to make the changes necessary to drop 100 lbs. Just as you are reading this and counting on me to be truthful and honest about what I did, and how I changed, I am counting on you to be responsible, and check with a doctor and read all you can (beyond these posts), to discover the best way for YOU, in your life, to pursue YOUR weight-loss.

Deal?

Can we count on each other for this?

Good!

So to continue...

I knew I needed to do something to start moving.

So...here's what I started doing (really, this is the truth):

I started playing my favorite music:

U2, Mary J Blige, Elvis, Prince, George Michael, Beyonce, Black Eyed Peas, Madonna, Tom Jones, Outkast, etc....

and dancing

Alone in my room

in front of the mirror

in FULL make-up

with my hair DONE

wearing high heels

and the sexiest clothes I could pull together from my closest (this was the toughest part...sexy clothes, 100 pounds ago, were hard to come by).

And you know that saying,

"Dance like no one's watching?"

Well,

I did the opposite.

I danced as though

EVERYONE was watching.

Watching ME move!

And they were going to get an eyeful!

I danced with more energy and enthusiasm

than ever before, in my life.

I knew I looked as good as I possibly could

and felt fantastic,

moving

and seeing how I looked.

THIS

THIS ACTION

THESE MOMENTS

THESE TIMES

Fed me more than I can explain.

I felt free, alive and completely ME

each and every time

I stood in front of the mirror and

Danced.

I fed myself music I loved.

Did something I loved

FOR ME!

JUST FOR ME!

and

I never felt like I was exercising

or working out

or burning calories

or building muscle

I was just having fun

and being myself.

I didn't watch the clock

or check my heart rate.

I didn't have to stop to catch my breath

There was no intimidation

Nothing I was trying to accomplish

No instructor or steps to follow.

Just ME

Alive and smiling

and learning how to move the way I wanted

and liking what I saw.

Then,

when I was done

I FELT happy

I FELT FED

I FELT like I had let a part of me OUT!

I had become cooler, freer and funner,

In. My. Own. Eyes.

In the process.

I can remember a few times when I'd been in a bad mood, or dealing with some tough parenting moment with my kids, and I'd call my husband at work. I'd vent, or moan, or complain, or take my frustrations out on him, or scream or cry. He would listen, and then ask, "Becky? Have you danced today? You need to dance. Tell the kids to leave you alone. Go to your room, close the door and dance." And I would. And it would help. 95% of the time...it helped.

I got to the place (and am still there), where

I NEEDED to dance.

It actually started FEEDING me.

It feeds my emotions

My feelings about myself

My sense of self

My love for myself

It strengthens me

It shapes my legs

Works my heart

GIVES to me!

Energizes ME!

You may not be much of a dancer.

You may not have ever danced in front of the mirror

(since Jr High),

But will you try it?

Will you take 10 minutes from your day, your weekend, your night...

to dance

TO ANYTHING you want???

Please?

Please, try it.

Here is what I'm asking you to do THIS time:

1) Take a look at the list of 15 songs you listed that you used to love from when you were a teen.

(Remember, I asked you to do this LAST Friday. I hope you did it. If not, maybe this weekend?)

Find a song, just ONE song from that list, that you can get your hands on NOW!

From your current CDs, online or at a store....

GET YOUR HANDS ON THAT SONG

2) Put on your lipstick

3) Pop in a piece of minty gum

4) Put on your favorite shoes from your closet

5) Close the door

6) CRANK YOUR SONG and MOVE

7) Play it at least three times.

8) Afterwards, sit down, and write out the lyrics to the song in your notebook on the next clean page in your spiral notebook. THIS is YOUR song. This is YOUR Anthem. You can pick a new anthem ANY TIME you want! But whenever you pick a new anthem, write down the lyrics in your notebook. Don't just read the liner notes from the CD case, print the words in your OWN handwriting. Own the words. Own the song, while you're dancing.

9) Turn to the first page of your spiral where you have already written:

STOP EATING

START FEEDING MYSELF

and

This is not about my relationship with food.

It is about my relationship with My Self

and

I am not all that special. I am however, incredibly unique.

and

It is time I start celebrating

and feeding my Smile

and print in the upper left corner:

Today,

Host

Dance

Party

For

One

I would LOVE to hear about the song you choose! I have added an email address to the top right-hand column of this blog. Feel free to post your song title for me in the comment section of this post, or email it to me! You can also send me a note on Facebook.

I will post a good dozen song titles and artists who sing

My Anthems

Next Time

You are free to make a good ol' mix-tape of the songs if you want

(though I guess it's called a playlist in 2010).

If you are keeping up with your spiral---WAY TO GO!

I am really proud of you and impressed!

WOW!

And remember, tell your friends, post a link, become a follower of this blog! I added a "counter" to the sidebar on the left to track how many visitors are checking out the posts here...I started it one week after I started writing...There is also a counter, I can view as the writer of the blog. According the tracker I am able to view privately, there are over 3,000 hits to this blog, since it started 18 days ago....YOU ARE NOT alone, in your interest and curiosity about how to make your life different. Others are reading and wondering, too! Sign up and join in the party! It's great to hear your stories and receive your personal notes!

That's All

Be Your Best,

Becky

Wednesday Review

2010-09-08T16:20:00.005-04:00

My Tweets for this past week:

* Beans! Beans! Good for your heart...Old El Paso SEASONED BLACK BEANS (heat & serve pouch)=14g of fiber! (5g fat) for the whole pouch=LUNCH!

* Feed yourself today on sunshine, laughter & memories of your best summers past. Fill up on moments money can't buy & time can't erase...

* Leave the cheese off your burger & save 6 grams of fat! Fill your plate, trying to SAVE as many fat grams as you can!

* Poured a big bag of M&Ms into a bowl for my girls. Am going to FEED my fun side, all the BLUE ones I can find. When they're gone, I'm done.

* There is absolutely NOTHING wrong w/ preparing 1 meal for your family & something different for YOU. Feed (don't sabotage) yourself! BYB!

* Today is one of those days when I am on the verge of forsaking all of my own advice! So, I'm headed to a bookstore to browse & feed my mind!

* I do my laundry completely separate from my hubby & kids. One way of consciously doing something just for ME! 2 loads a week for ME! Try it!

Remember, this the DAY for YOU to comment and share what you are doing differently in your LIFE! What are you thinking about during the day? Which tips are you applying? Anything you've noticed changing in who you are, or how you see yourself? Don't keep it all inside! SHARE with us! Inspire us!

C'mon. You know you want to!

Tell your friends!

Post a link on YOUR Facebook wall

Share the link to the YouTube clip

Thanks

That's all.

Be Your Best,

Becky

A Little Lip Service

2010-09-07T19:03:00.006-04:00

I hate being late. I take pride in being on time....but I am VERY late with today's (Monday's) BLOG. Almost 2 days late! Nevertheless, I am here now, and it appears, you are too, so let's get started!

Are you wearing your lipstick, freshly applied, at this very moment? If you aren't--STOP. Stop right here, read no further. Scoot yourself away from the screen and go put something on your lips. Again, you can go with lipstick, lip gloss, lip balm or even good ol' Chapstick. I'll wait for you...

I'm advising you to wear the lipstick for a multitude of reasons, each of which is important.

If you remember, I asked you to GO OUT and PURCHASE the lipstick. New and fresh (not pull one out of your make-up drawer or an old purse. If you didn't buy a new one, please GO OUT and purchase one as soon as you are done with this post. It can be a cheap-o brand, or as high-end as you want to go). I suggested you get something NEW, different than you are accustom to wearing. A different color, brand or flavor (if you're opting for a Lip Smacker). Here are SOME of the reasons behind the lipstick:

* I wanted you to get something NEW, because THIS is a beginning. A start. Point "A" in your journey. I wanted you to have something NEW for yourself to get you inspired. You have found this blog, decided (at the least) to read further--and that is a START. A monumental effort to "try it out."

* The newness of the shade, brand or scent of the lipstick, was so you would FEEL different when you took it out to put it on. You would SEE something different (a different packaging, a different "name" on the bottom of the tube) when you went to put it on. A different SCENT or flavor when it hits your lips and nose. It's all about making a DIFFERENT choice than you've been making up to this point. This is a new, fresh time in your life. A fresh feel, scent, flavor to your day, than in days past.

* It is for you, for this time. The NEW lipstick is YOURS. Something you bought for your SELF! It was not purchased because you have an outfit for it to go with, or you ran out of your other tube. It was a splurge. Even if it was a $3 purchase, it was a splurge--because it wasn't necessary. It was not on your LIST of things to do or get. It was a JUST BECAUSE kind of purchase. How often do you DO that? Buy something for yourself---just because? (I have always made such purchases....but realize now, I was often trying to FEED something with the purchase....more on that Another Time). This, you did for yourself. It was NOT a piece of cake. A bag of chips. A large fry, or milk shake. But it fed YOU. It was for YOU! (Good Job! I am very proud of you!)

* Putting on the lipstick is a statement. A statement, that for the next portion of time, whether it is the three minutes it takes to read this post, or the five minutes you set aside to work in your journal...it is a statement that THIS time is different. THIS is ME time. This lipstick, is a statement, that I am working on ME, RIGHT NOW. This time is for me, and my glossy, yummy, colorful lips are a SIGN of that. A sign to ME, that THIS is FOR ME!

* Putting on the lipstick is a decision. A CONSCIOUS decision. A choice to MAKE yourself DIFFERENT. To CHANGE yourself. You are changing YOUR FACE, YOUR LIPS, each time you take out that stick or tube or pot, and put the contents on your lips. You are DECIDING to do it. Just like you will DECIDE 100 times a day about the things you eat, wear, say, think and do---as you continue on with this Dance Party for One. You are taking charge of your SELF and your FACE when you do this!

Your MOUTH

Your LIPS

are your

Best

AND

your

Worst

feature

WE are together--

YOU are...on your own--

Going to start

seeing...

believing...

making...

your

Mouth,

your

Lips

MATTER

You have EATEN for long enough

(using that mouth to do the work).

You have FED all kinds of different needs:

emotional

spiritual

physical and

relational

NEEDS,

with that mouth

and

with those lips.

You have covered up the truth,

with those lips

You have made promises you didn't keep,

with those lips

You have said things about yourself

(and others),

with that mouth

You have said things you shouldn't have

and

kept silent when you should have spoken,

with that mouth

You have spoken lies

Diminished yourself

Shouted and yelled in anger

Moaned and sighed in hopelessness

Begged and pleaded in prayer

Confessed your sins

Offered forgiveness

Accepted apologies

Spoken words of love and encouragement

Made vows

Sworn and cut people down

gossiped

and kissed

With that mouth.

With those lips.

Now it is time to celebrate them.

Now, it is time to dress them up.

Show them off

and

SMILE.

Because,

your mouth

your lips

are not the enemy

They are not here to betray you

They are here,

to set you free

to help you celebrate,

to give you a voice

to enable you to express

All the truth that is YOU!

So put on your lipstick.

GO BUY A NEW TUBE

IN A NEW COLOR

MADE BY A DIFFERENT COMPANY,

to make your SMILE

more smile-y

more sparkly

more shiny

MORE LIKE YOU ARE

and ARE BECOMING

INSIDE!

PICK up another color today if you want

(Really, it's ok. You can DO this for yourself,

even though you have an almost new tube you just bought a week or two ago.)

You have my permission.

But please...USE it

and remember

EVERY time you put it on,

THAT YOU ARE

DRESSING

YOUR

MOUTH

You are taking care of your SMILE

You are tending to...

FEEDING your smile

your face

your countenance.

Remember how you changed the environment of your mouth with that gum? You changed the environment of your mouth, with the simple introduction of a piece of minty chewing gum.

With the lipstick, you are changing the environment of your MOUTH, your LIPS, your SMILE. You are making a decision to CHANGE....YOU! And every time you put something on your lips, you are doing this. NO matter what time of day it is, no matter what you are about to do, no matter why you are doing it...you are changing YOU when you put it on. Think about that each and every time you take out that tube----and apply this CHOICE, this DECISION to your lips.

And...think about your food, as it passes through those lips. Think about whether you are EATING or FEEDING yourself.

And...feel free to pull out that lipstick and put it on, as SOON as you are FED, so you don't go back for seconds, or cross over into EATING, when you really aren't hungry anymore.

For this week...your journal exercises....

1) Read your first page ALOUD, each day, using your MOUTH and LIPS to speak TRUTH to yourself.

2) Read the lists you have been working on from last week, ALOUD. Remind yourself of the things you have remembered and recorded about YOU. Keep working on your lists. Fill them and Add More!

3) Start keeping your lipstick/gloss/balm, wherever you keep your cellphone. DO NOT leave home without it. Keep it close at hand and APPLY it as often as you want!!!! And pop in a piece of chewing gum along with it.

4) Consider sharing this blog with a friend. Or your mom. Or your sister. Or (this is what I'd really like you to do, if you are in a position to do so), with your daughter. I have three daughters. They are young (7 year-old twins and a 10 year-old). Not yet teens. This week, I am going to buy them each a NEW Lip Smacker, and we are going to START putting it on, when they head out to school. To prepare their lips and mouths for the day. Not because they are on diets (GOD forbid!!!!), but because (you've gotten this by now, haven't you?), this isn't about a diet. This is about women, even very YOUNG WOMEN, knowing and celebrating themselves and connecting to the beauty within, which will ALWAYS end up showing on the outside....most obviously in their smiles!

5) Find an envelope, of any size, and tape or glue, it to the inside, back cover of your spiral notebook. Please TRY to put $1 in the envelope for every day of this month. I know, I know, I said this journey only costs $10, and that still holds true...but...if you can SQUEEZE out the extra buck, and it won't kill your budget---try to do this. One dollar a day. You will need about $30 by the end of the month (so you will need to add more than a dollar a day in order to catch up by October 1st). I'll tell you what it's for when you need to know (do you trust me?).

6) Turn to the first page of your notebook, where you have already written:

STOP EATING

START FEEDING MYSELF

and

This is not about my relationship with food.

It is about my relationship with My Self

and

I am not all that special. I am however, incredibly unique.

and write, along the bottom of the page:

It is time I start celebrating

and feeding my Smile

That's all.

Be Your Best,

Becky

You're Not So Special After All

2010-09-03T08:59:00.012-04:00

I'm not trying to be a downer here, with the title of this post. But, I am going to be pretty straight-forward in this post about a few things. First, I want to take a moment to clarify, just in case you're needing to hear it, that my journey (and maybe yours?), is not about having better self-esteem or thinking positive thoughts about myself. On the contrary....it was (is) about being truthful with myself and true to myself. Allow me to explain:

Self-esteem is a rootless, soul-less, whipped topping we put on to cover up our weaknesses, short-comings and insecurities. Self-esteem says, You are good. You are special.

And really, really, really

I don't believe either of those statements.

Because, I know (at least for me),

They. are. not. true.

I am reminded of the movie The Incredibles, featuring a household full of superheroes with special powers, who are forced to go into hiding and assume lives as "regular" people. At one point, someone is talking about everyone being special....and the comeback line to counter this statement is..."If everyone is special, then no one really is!" Bingo. Double Bingo!

Last time, I asked you to create a little chart in your journal, detailing a few specific traits and facts about four women, and yourself. (Again, I really hope you did this....if not, maybe, try to this weekend....Any of these things you are willing to do, reinforce that you are willing to put yourself out there and take a few steps toward change and trust. Remember, I am PROUD of you!). So the chart....Take it out and look at it for a minute. Notice there is not a SINGLE woman on that page, whose information is 100% identical to YOURS! Even if there happens to be a someone on your list with almost duplicate information, they are not perfectly/exactly, the same. It is very possible that there is someone on your list, you think "has it all together," and quite possibly, one who you know, is a train wreck--their life is in shambles. But frankly, none of the women on your page, or my page or on any of the pages, anyone here completed....is actually special...or more special than anyone else...

We are all on the same, level playing field.

We all have the same amount of hours in the day.

We all eat, sleep and get sick.

We are all pretty much, equals.

But, as you'll notice from just the simple chart you made,

None

the

same.

We are all unique.

And that is what I want you to hear,

Discover for yourself

and dwell on for

The

Rest

Your

Life.

Starting right NOW!

It is not about self-esteem

or specialness

It is about

Uniqueness.

***You are incredibly unique.

No one

has the exact same set of life experiences,

strengths, weaknesses, hurts or victories,

as you.

No one has endured what you have endured,

faced your exact challenges,

lived your life,

been given the same talents or skills

as you.

No one shares your every interest

deals with problems

handles stress

finds relaxation

enjoys Life's pleasures

savors certain flavors, scents and sights

shares the same passions

has the same hopes

believes in the same dreams

treasures the same memories

as You.

No one has gone through the same exact combination of

break-ups

disappointments

abuses

sorrows

loss

jealousies

abandonment

or failures

as you

You ARE incredibly unique

Your dearest friend,

Closest sibling or

Life-long spouse,

is not THE SAME

as you.

Let that sink in a minute.

Go back and read that list again, starting with "***You are incredibly unique." (No really, go read it again. I'll wait. I'll be right here when you get back to this spot.)

Self-esteem says,

"I am special and good"

and

"Yippee! Hooray for ME!"

Personally, I think self-esteem is a lot of crap.

A boatload of crap!

Self-esteem doesn't really give me (or you), enough credit,

while at the same time, giving me (and you?) too much credit.

I don't need Self-Esteem

I need Truth.

Truth says,

I lose my temper

I say and think horrible things about others

(and myself)

I have done wrong, bad, selfish things

I have failed to do good, right, loving things

I am filled with flaws and regrets,

and there are many things I wish I could be

and want to change

and I feel powerless about them

a lot of the time.

But....Truth, also says:

I am more than those thoughts and feelings.

Those thoughts and feelings and truths

are a part of me.

How I view them, how I respond to those truths about me,

are part of what make ME (and you), so unique.

Ahhh, but we have forgotten our uniqueness

We are (possibly) like that gray, tasteless gum from a week or so ago.

We have forgotten the truths about ourselves,

or have never, ever discovered them in the first place.

So.....We begin today.

We begin NOW.

This weekend, we will remember more

discover more

experience ourselves more

and begin to believe,

receive and understand

who we really are.

Ready?

I loved seeing that a friend of mine had shared one of the posts from this blog on her Facebook page. I will call her "B." (From here on out, when I quote someone I know or reference a note I've been sent, or share a personal story, I'll use their first initial. If it's you, you'll know who you are...but won't feel on the spot!). B posted the following:

We are often told to spend time with God, our family, our school, our friends. But, how often do you spend time with yourself?

The problem is, we have forgotten (or not been taught)

What it means,

HOW TO

spend time with ourselves

we just don't do it!

We spend time with everyone else, we're supposed to,

but we don't invest in those unique things about US

We eat our fast-food combos

Polish off 1/2 a bag of chips

Pop the extra chocolates in our mouths

and EAT.

We no longer FEED ourselves

Our unique

NEEDS

INTERESTS

HUNGERS

EMOTIONS

and

SELVES

But we are going to start changing that. In fact, if you are here reading this, you have already BEGUN doing this! How easy was that?

So...here is your journal exercise (it's a BIG one, and is INTENDED to be FUN). If you have not done ANY of the other things I've suggested, please DO THIS ONE! It will take some time. It may be frustrating. It may come easlily...but it may also be tough. Hopefully, it will point out (to you), just how far away you have gotten from remembering yourself...knowing yourself and studying your uniqueness.

1)Put on your lipstick (I said I would explain the whole stick/gloss/balm thing this time, but it will wait until Monday. It will be the whole POINT of Monday...be sure to check back for it).

2) Turn to the first blank sheet in your journal and print (across the top of the page):

I LOVE THE SMELL OF

and number the page 1-15

3) Turn to the next blank page and print (in the same manner):

I LOVE THE SOUND OF

(number 1-15)

4) Turn to the next blank page (get the idea?) and print:

MY FAVORITE SONGS/ARTISTS WHEN I WAS A TEEN WERE

(number 1-15)

5) Turn to the next page and print:

ON MY VERY BEST DAY, I AM/I FEEL

(number 1-15)

6) Take SOME time EVERY day to work on these lists. You may try to do them in one sitting, or steal away for 5 minutes, when you can. The point is to TRY to fill them in. Get inside your own head and heart and memories and hopes for yourself and record your SELF on these pages. ADD to these pages WHENEVER you think of something for the lists. There is no 15 item limit. Your answers for these lists really are limitless (at least, that is the point I hope you get!)

7) On the first page of your notebook, where you have already printed:

STOP EATING

START FEEDING MYSELF

and

This is not about my relationship with food

It is about my relationship with My Self

Please print, sideways, along the right edge of the first sheet:

I am not all that special. I am however, Incredibly Unique

That's all.

Be Your Best,

Becky

Wednesday Review

2010-09-01T11:38:00.003-04:00

Ok, so here's what I've decided to do on Wednesdays, just so there will be a mid-week posting on the blog to keep you going (and coming back for more). I am going to combine and re-post all of my food, eating, weight-loss TWEETS from the previous week. By doing this, you'll get a break from the "Deep Thoughts with Becky" posts and get to the more practical, "How I Did it Day-by-Day, Tips from Becky." Cool?

Here they are (please think about signing up with Twitter and following me, though. You can sign up and make it so that my tweets come directly to your phone as texts. I Tweet three times a day, around breakfast, lunch and dinner time (EST). May even start adding a 4th Tweet around night-time snacking time):

*Mom was right! EAT YOUR OATMEAL! Still stick-to-your-ribs good for you & leaves you full for hours! Top with blueberries for MORE brain kick

*Eat something you LOVE for dinner tonight & stop there! NO Late Night SNACKING! I mean, DO U REALLY NEED A FULL BELLY TO SLEEP OR WATCH TV?

*3 things I read on food labels: Fat grams (go low!), fiber grams (go high!) & portion size. I feed myself 1/2 portions, 90% of the time. BYB

*It's not about your relationship with food. It's about your relationship with your SELF.

*Just ate a snack. FEEDING my hunger w/ the RIGHT portion. If I go back for more, it means I'm EATING instead of FEEDING Myself!

*Will be posting new blogs on MON and FRI from now on! Look for a new post for the week, later today! Feed yourself well, 'til then!

*Feeding myself w/ a stack of magazines, Cherry Coke Zero & The Weepies, on my front porch. Have fed myself well all weekend & feel great!

*Ate a little of my fav chicken salad as part of my b'fast. I START my day with what makes me happiest. It FEEDS me all day, that way! BYB!

*When life gives you lemons, apply more lipstick!

*Mike & kids are at a football game. I am home, w/ a glass of red & a couple dozen lit candles. This is how I am feeding myself tonight

*Don't know what's for dinner, but we're having a Family Dance Party after, to a little Elvis. My Exercise for the day

Are you reading this stuff? Is it making you think? Are you trying anything from these posts? I'd love it, if on WEDNESDAYS, YOU would take a moment to post a note or comment to tell ME (and others who are reading), WHAT YOU are doing, what is working, and what questions or thoughts have been driving you for the week. What do you say, would you do that for me?

That's all,

Be Your Best (BYB),

Becky