I was interviewed for a book a few weeks ago.
Asked some questions about my story,
My past
My present
and
My future.
Some of the questions were familiar.
I'm asked them each time I share about the 100 pounds...
How did you do it?
and
How long did it take?
But then,
I was asked another question.
Asked in a way I hadn't been asked before.
I was asked,
What was your lowest point?
I think I answered with my own question...
What do you mean, lowest point?
Same question, re-worded for clarification:
When did you hit rock bottom?
That was a new one.
When did I hit rock bottom?
I don't know if I paused in the conversation.
Not sure if I really even hesitated with my response.
I guess, most people have a "rock bottom moment."
A moment when they've had enough,
"The straw that breaks the camel's back" kind of moment,
or as Oprah says, "an Ah-ha moment."
(Oh my! Am I actually quoting Oprah in my blog???)
I didn't have that kind of moment.
Yes, I remember walking past windows in stores,
catching my reflection and not realizing I was the
big, big woman staring back.
Yes, I remember looking in the mirror at my bathroom sink
and thinking I was starting to look like an entirely different woman
than I remembered being.
Yes, there were times when I cried and groaned
and dreaded taking a shower
because I knew I'd have to stare at myself
to put on my makeup
and do my hair
and that, though I was trying my best to look good,
I didn't feel inside like it even mattered.
Yes.
I had those moments.
Plenty of them.
BUT...
(this may sound confusing)
even though
I had plenty of those moments,
I still had hope for myself.
Hope.
Deep HOPE for myself and my future.
So,
when I was asked about rock bottom,
lowest moments,
I answered,
I didn't really ever hit rock bottom.
I don't think I had a lowest moment.
Because
I always had hope.
In fact, I knew
I could
and would...
Change.
One day.
At some point.
I just knew it.
So,
when I actually picked the date to begin,
August 13, 2008
I picked it from a place of hope.
I picked it months before.
I chose the date my new life,
the new me,
would begin
with great hope
from a place of hope
establishing my hope on that date.
I chose my 39th birthday.
Not because I was terrified of turning 40
Not because I was trying to find the Fountain of Youth
Not because I was depressed about aging.
I chose my 39th birthday,
because I had great hopes for myself.
I knew it was my time to devote to myself.
I chose to dig into the hope I had for myself...
hope for my future
hope in the possibilities
hope about my strengths and purpose and destiny
and the life I still had ahead of me.
You see,
To me,
hope is not wishing
hope is not a shot in the dark
hope is not a casual thing
For me, hope is not a
feeble
weak
shoulder-shrugging
take-it-or-leave-it option.
I'm not talking about the "Well, I hope so" kind of thinking
or the "Hope I make it" kind
(to me, these are hopeless, doubtful, skeptical statements).
Hope is, to me (and for me)
a confidence
an assuredness
a beacon
a support to everything else
a stamina-producing
stick-with-it determination
immovable confession
declared mission statement.
My hope
for myself
was that,
I was capable of anything.
And that there was still an entire life ahead of me
and I wanted to get back into it
and do so with strength, vitality, love and energy.
I never lost hope for myself.
I never lost hope in my future.
In my belief about me
my belief IN me.
(not in some raging ego-maniac way)
But I just knew I could do this.
I could change
I could alter where I was...
alter where I was stuck
alter my thoughts about myself
alter my mind
my heart
my emotions
my body
my everything.
I just knew I could do it.
And it wasn't because I had great will power
or strength
or a desperate need
or a great personal trainer
or some other thing I wanted to gain....
It was because I had hope.
I never gave up on myself.
My self.
I never gave up my hope
that I was created to live
and to be alive
and to experience my life with joy
and love
and vitality
and
hope.
And
(this might be the key to it all)
I deeply believed,
I was designed
to
be
loved.
I was designed to love
and be loved.
And that it started with knowing I was
designed
and
created
and
loved
by
Him.
And that
He
designed
and
created
me
to
love what He had made.
And HE had made
Me,
To love
my self
as He loves me.
I have hope for myself
because I love my self
I love me
and I make no apologies for that.
I do
love myself...
I love myself enough
to hope for my future
believe in my strengths
trust in my capabilities
make the absolute most of
my year
my day
my relationships
my life
and
Me.
I love myself enough to make the most of Me.
And
I have hope for you
too.
I KNOW you can do this.
I know you can
alter, re-invent, jump-start, change, become, return, discover, connect, forgive, release, recover, stop, begin, do-over, accept, uncover, tell the truth about, speak out, redeem, branch-out, dream, accomplish, survive, uproot, conquer, determine, hit head-on, tackle and overcome...
anything.
Anything.
Anything at all.
You really can.
That's all.
Be your best,
Becky
Monday, August 8, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Mirror, Mirror: Time for Reflection
I began sharing about my little Dance Parties in August, last year.
After I'd lost 100 pounds.
After the 18 months it took to lose those pounds
and
after keeping off those 100 pounds for almost six months.
Almost an entire year ago.
It has been almost 36 months (three years!) since this ALL started
and almost 12 months since I started talking about it.
I can't tell you just how difficult it was for me to open up
and start talking.
You'd think I would have been
thrilled
excited
blabbering
chomping at the bit
fit to be tied
shouting at the top of my lungs
about losing 100 pounds.
But. I. Wasn't.
I mean, I was thrilled and proud.
I was amazed by my accomplishment
Quite in love with my new self
and over the moon about how my body had changed.
But,
there was still something about it
I wanted to keep hidden
private,
within,
just mine.
Honestly,
it was the shame.
I was still burdened by the shame.
The shame of where I had been.
What I had become.
How far I had let myself go before
Leading up to the weight loss.
You see, through the beauty of social media (aka Facebook),
I had reunited, remembered, reconnected with and reminisced
with literally hundreds of high school and college friends
who
didn't know
hadn't seen
had no idea
who I was now....
how I looked
And it's not that it mattered to them
it's not that it would have made a difference
it's not that they would have commented to me
or thought bad things
or made me feel big, or fat or ugly.
It's just that I didn't want them to remember me any way other than
before.
Who I was before.
When I was regular sized.
When I was light-hearted
and fun.
When I was depression-free
Out there, and open.
Before I hid.
Before I made excuses
Before I had lost ME under the layers of life.
Ironically, it was that same
beautiful
voyeuristic
easy-access
connect-with-everyone-you've-ever-met
social media (aka Facebook)
that gave me the nudge, support, strength and
UMPH
to re-charge, change, re-engage, re-connect and begin living again.
It was remembering
reflecting
re-living
Me Moments
Friend Moments
College Days
High School Classes
Proms
Drama
Dates
Happiness
Music
Awkwardness
Accomplishments
and the people who knew me
counted me as a friend
remembered my quirks
watched me grow up
grew up with me
faced life beside me
walked through life, puberty, graduation, boyfriends, break-ups
and
everything else
Who reminded me
of me
again.
I looked at my friends,
and it was as though
they were holding up a mirror in front of me
saying,
This is you.
THIS memory of you, is still you.
These year book images
These faded photos
These tales
These first impressions
These clubs, dorms, activities, organizations, classes we shared...they are where I have memories of you, Becky.
You are WHO I remember.
This is how I see you now.
This is who you are to me.
And when I connected with
remembered
reflected
and reminisced....
I wanted to go back.
ALL of me,
wanted to go back.
Not to 15
or 18
or 21
or 25
(I really have no interest in going backward in time.
I love where I am in my life.
I love it)
But,
I wanted to go back
to get back
to ME.
I wanted to get ME back.
So, I started from the inside
Then I went to work on the outside.
I went back in my mind and my heart.
Went back to the purest times in my life,
when I was becoming
ME
and I set out to regain those parts again.
And
I did it.
So,
YOU, old friend, are more a part of this journey than you have realized.
YOU, who are still with me, reading this blog
(or not reading it.....living completely unaware of your power and influence)
YOU are a part of my journey.
Though I was afraid, at first
to show you how I had changed
to reveal how I had in form become someone else,
it was YOU....
It was YOU who helped me change again...back to my former self.
It was YOU who helped me get inside my head and my heart
and grow back into who I really wanted to be.
So
Thank you.
Thank you for remembering me.
Reminding me.
And showing up, in your own
unaware
impacting way,
for this Dance Party for One.
Call an old friend today.
Remember the old days.
Remind yourself of your greatest memories
your funnest times
your most meaningful moments
Reflect
and remember yourself.
and go back.
Get your SELF back again.
From the inside, out.
That's all.
Be Your Best!
Becky
After I'd lost 100 pounds.
After the 18 months it took to lose those pounds
and
after keeping off those 100 pounds for almost six months.
Almost an entire year ago.
It has been almost 36 months (three years!) since this ALL started
and almost 12 months since I started talking about it.
I can't tell you just how difficult it was for me to open up
and start talking.
You'd think I would have been
thrilled
excited
blabbering
chomping at the bit
fit to be tied
shouting at the top of my lungs
about losing 100 pounds.
But. I. Wasn't.
I mean, I was thrilled and proud.
I was amazed by my accomplishment
Quite in love with my new self
and over the moon about how my body had changed.
But,
there was still something about it
I wanted to keep hidden
private,
within,
just mine.
Honestly,
it was the shame.
I was still burdened by the shame.
The shame of where I had been.
What I had become.
How far I had let myself go before
Leading up to the weight loss.
You see, through the beauty of social media (aka Facebook),
I had reunited, remembered, reconnected with and reminisced
with literally hundreds of high school and college friends
who
didn't know
hadn't seen
had no idea
who I was now....
how I looked
And it's not that it mattered to them
it's not that it would have made a difference
it's not that they would have commented to me
or thought bad things
or made me feel big, or fat or ugly.
It's just that I didn't want them to remember me any way other than
before.
Who I was before.
When I was regular sized.
When I was light-hearted
and fun.
When I was depression-free
Out there, and open.
Before I hid.
Before I made excuses
Before I had lost ME under the layers of life.
Ironically, it was that same
beautiful
voyeuristic
easy-access
connect-with-everyone-you've-ever-met
social media (aka Facebook)
that gave me the nudge, support, strength and
UMPH
to re-charge, change, re-engage, re-connect and begin living again.
It was remembering
reflecting
re-living
Me Moments
Friend Moments
College Days
High School Classes
Proms
Drama
Dates
Happiness
Music
Awkwardness
Accomplishments
and the people who knew me
counted me as a friend
remembered my quirks
watched me grow up
grew up with me
faced life beside me
walked through life, puberty, graduation, boyfriends, break-ups
and
everything else
Who reminded me
of me
again.
I looked at my friends,
and it was as though
they were holding up a mirror in front of me
saying,
This is you.
THIS memory of you, is still you.
These year book images
These faded photos
These tales
These first impressions
These clubs, dorms, activities, organizations, classes we shared...they are where I have memories of you, Becky.
You are WHO I remember.
This is how I see you now.
This is who you are to me.
And when I connected with
remembered
reflected
and reminisced....
I wanted to go back.
ALL of me,
wanted to go back.
Not to 15
or 18
or 21
or 25
(I really have no interest in going backward in time.
I love where I am in my life.
I love it)
But,
I wanted to go back
to get back
to ME.
I wanted to get ME back.
So, I started from the inside
Then I went to work on the outside.
I went back in my mind and my heart.
Went back to the purest times in my life,
when I was becoming
ME
and I set out to regain those parts again.
And
I did it.
So,
YOU, old friend, are more a part of this journey than you have realized.
YOU, who are still with me, reading this blog
(or not reading it.....living completely unaware of your power and influence)
YOU are a part of my journey.
Though I was afraid, at first
to show you how I had changed
to reveal how I had in form become someone else,
it was YOU....
It was YOU who helped me change again...back to my former self.
It was YOU who helped me get inside my head and my heart
and grow back into who I really wanted to be.
So
Thank you.
Thank you for remembering me.
Reminding me.
And showing up, in your own
unaware
impacting way,
for this Dance Party for One.
Call an old friend today.
Remember the old days.
Remind yourself of your greatest memories
your funnest times
your most meaningful moments
Reflect
and remember yourself.
and go back.
Get your SELF back again.
From the inside, out.
That's all.
Be Your Best!
Becky
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Note to Self (and anyone else who's reading...)
Stock up on cute, flirty sundresses & halter dresses when they go on clearance.
Stop hiding your arms!
Better yet, buy a pair of 8lb dumb-bells and start doing simple sets of 15 "what-evers" with them
before you get dressed in the morning
and after you brush your teeth at night.
before you get dressed in the morning
and after you brush your teeth at night.
Stop going out to eat.
Eat the groceries in your pantry!
You paid good money for them.
Stop being lazy...
get up and
make something in YOUR kitchen.
Buy (& wear) a cheap pair of big hoop earrings for the pool.
Get a pair of flipflops with a little bling when they go on sale for next year at the pool.
Find a picture of the fabulous swimsuit (a two-piece!) you want for next year.
Post it some place to inspire you all summer (fall and winter) long.
Buy some lipgloss....something from the CORAL family.
Keep it in your beach/pool bag and use it liberally while you're out.
Buy a case of Fresca (Peach Citrus).
Tastes like Summer.
Commit to read a great book for each WEEK remaining in your summer.
Turn off the television and read something:
Magazines, non-fiction, even a romance novel (I mean it!)
Rent your favorite movies from the 80s.
(or whenever you were highschool)
Quote as many lines as you can remember.
Share them with your kids (if suitable).
Go out with your girlfriends.
Eat outside.
Get loud. Really loud.
Laugh Out Loud.
Call your best friend and cry.
Really Cry.
Really let it out.
She'll understand.
She might be needing a good cry, too.
Cuddle with your kids (if they'll let you).
Buy a summery scented candle
and shower gel
or bubble bath
and
escape.
Close the door to the bathroom
run yourself a warm bath.
Slice a lemon into sections,
put a spoonful of sugar on a plate
and soak your worries away
as you dredge the lemon through the sugar.
Savor the flavor.
Savor the flavor.
Don't cut your hair!
Let it air dry.
Find some new way to wear it.
Buy a new hair band or clips.
Do something different with it.
Or get a straw cowboy hat and wear it.
Use lots of Aveeno body lotion.
(Put it on after you get out of the shower,
BEFORE you dry off...it'll work even better!)
Play music.
All
Summer
Long....
Play music
and sing along.
Have fun
Feel alive
Love
Smile
Breathe
Rest
Relax
Watch as many sunsets as possible.
Eat ice cream
and watermelon!
Soak in summer for all it has to offer.
Feed yourself on summer.
That's all.
Make this your best summer EVER!
Be your best!
Stop eating
and
Start feeding yourself, Becky!!!!
(and everyone else!)
Monday, June 13, 2011
Cat's Outta' the Bag
Motivation
Inspiration
Calculation
Sink your anchor into any
or better yet all,
of these,
let them guide your
life choices
career choices
school choices
food choices
commitment choices
even
friend choices,
and you may just find yourself
accomplishing your goals
meeting your objectives
overcoming your obstacles
cherishing your relationships
and being the woman
you really want to be.
I know
because when I am not tapped into them,
little else seems to work
I am unable to connect
find fulfillment
manage my time
my emotions
my day-to-day life.
I need all three working in my life,
intertwined like a rope,
or a braid....
keeping the fly-aways tamed.
My daughters have gorgeous hair
in abundance
beautiful hair
which tangles and knots while they sleep
and especially, when they swim.
Since pool season is upon us,
when I remember to do so,
I braid their hair before they dive in,
and the agony of knots in (and after) showers,
are much easier to deal with.
Likewise, I need the three strands of
motivation, inspiration and calculation
to keep me strong and free and tamed.
What is your motivation today?
What are you working toward....
and why?
Your inspiration?
What is keeping you on the path?
Is your longing
your goal
your finish line
your want
something trivial?
something shallow?
something lacking soul
and heart
and reason?
What is inspiring you to continue
to push on
to stay with it
to pursue with passion?
Have you calculated the cost?
Have you put pen to paper
Penciled in dates
Assessed the true need
Asked yourself the tough questions
Sought to answers to the Whys?
Have you calculated how this will change you?
How you want to change?
What you are willing to do
to become
to grow
to live
to re-shape
redefine
rediscover
return
to you
and who you want to be?
I am in the process
I know my motivation.......
I have won a trip to Cacun
Yes.
Won it.
Won a trip to the beautiful beaches of the Gulf of Mexico!
I am turning 42
in Mexico.
I am turning 42 in Mexico,
with a very different life than when I turned 41
in Atlanta
And I am motivated to be my
Absolute
Total
100%
42-year old
living-life-to-the-fullest
learning-from-the-messes-and-successes
finding-beauty-in-the-stretch-marks
BEST
I can possibly be.
I am inspired by the time away from the chaos and duties of life
the freedom to have fun and celebrate
the joy of traveling where I have never been before
literally
and
Oh
So
Very
Symbolically.
I am inspired that I did NOTHING to earn this trip
or deserve this treat
or merit this blessing
or work for it.
I was simply smiled upon by God.
He simply whispered to me,
"This is for you.
I know where you are,
I have not forgotten you.
I see all you have been through
and know there is more to come...
but I want you to know,
I remember you.
I am terribly fond of you.
I have been here all along.
I know you better than you know yourself.
I know what you need.
I know what brings you joy.
I know what will help heal you.
I know how to reach you with My love,
and take your breath away
and give to you what you have never even asked for.
I know how to love you.
And I do.
Here....
Here's a prize.
Enjoy it.
Love it.
Plan for it.
Be inspired by it.
Be inspired by MY love for you."
So.
I am re-building my hopes
remembering my faith
breathing deeper
taking it all in
crying over good things
leaning in to His love
Feeding My Self
rather than eating in the shadows.
And I have lost 4 pounds
And I will wear a skimpy bikini in Cancun.
But I will not post pictures.
That's all.
Be YOUR best,
Becky
Inspiration
Calculation
Sink your anchor into any
or better yet all,
of these,
let them guide your
life choices
career choices
school choices
food choices
commitment choices
even
friend choices,
and you may just find yourself
accomplishing your goals
meeting your objectives
overcoming your obstacles
cherishing your relationships
and being the woman
you really want to be.
I know
because when I am not tapped into them,
little else seems to work
I am unable to connect
find fulfillment
manage my time
my emotions
my day-to-day life.
I need all three working in my life,
intertwined like a rope,
or a braid....
keeping the fly-aways tamed.
My daughters have gorgeous hair
in abundance
beautiful hair
which tangles and knots while they sleep
and especially, when they swim.
Since pool season is upon us,
when I remember to do so,
I braid their hair before they dive in,
and the agony of knots in (and after) showers,
are much easier to deal with.
Likewise, I need the three strands of
motivation, inspiration and calculation
to keep me strong and free and tamed.
What is your motivation today?
What are you working toward....
and why?
Your inspiration?
What is keeping you on the path?
Is your longing
your goal
your finish line
your want
something trivial?
something shallow?
something lacking soul
and heart
and reason?
What is inspiring you to continue
to push on
to stay with it
to pursue with passion?
Have you calculated the cost?
Have you put pen to paper
Penciled in dates
Assessed the true need
Asked yourself the tough questions
Sought to answers to the Whys?
Have you calculated how this will change you?
How you want to change?
What you are willing to do
to become
to grow
to live
to re-shape
redefine
rediscover
return
to you
and who you want to be?
I am in the process
I know my motivation.......
I have won a trip to Cacun
Yes.
Won it.
Won a trip to the beautiful beaches of the Gulf of Mexico!
I am turning 42
in Mexico.
I am turning 42 in Mexico,
with a very different life than when I turned 41
in Atlanta
And I am motivated to be my
Absolute
Total
100%
42-year old
living-life-to-the-fullest
learning-from-the-messes-and-successes
finding-beauty-in-the-stretch-marks
BEST
I can possibly be.
I am inspired by the time away from the chaos and duties of life
the freedom to have fun and celebrate
the joy of traveling where I have never been before
literally
and
Oh
So
Very
Symbolically.
I am inspired that I did NOTHING to earn this trip
or deserve this treat
or merit this blessing
or work for it.
I was simply smiled upon by God.
He simply whispered to me,
"This is for you.
I know where you are,
I have not forgotten you.
I see all you have been through
and know there is more to come...
but I want you to know,
I remember you.
I am terribly fond of you.
I have been here all along.
I know you better than you know yourself.
I know what you need.
I know what brings you joy.
I know what will help heal you.
I know how to reach you with My love,
and take your breath away
and give to you what you have never even asked for.
I know how to love you.
And I do.
Here....
Here's a prize.
Enjoy it.
Love it.
Plan for it.
Be inspired by it.
Be inspired by MY love for you."
So.
I am re-building my hopes
remembering my faith
breathing deeper
taking it all in
crying over good things
leaning in to His love
Feeding My Self
rather than eating in the shadows.
And I have lost 4 pounds
And I will wear a skimpy bikini in Cancun.
But I will not post pictures.
That's all.
Be YOUR best,
Becky
Monday, May 23, 2011
A Matter of Perspective
I've been paying bills.
I've been working 2 jobs.
Not great jobs.
Not perfect, "I've Always Wanted to do This" jobs.
Not even jobs that pay me well.
But I have been working.
And paying bills.
On time.
And it feels....
Well,
Honestly...
It feels
Good.
It feels satisfying.
I feel satisfied when I pay my bills.
Satisfied I CAN pay my bills.
Satisfied, that my work
my little, dinky jobs
pay me money,
and that, in turn, I can pay a bill or two.
Without those jobs...
(Yikes!)
Life would be different.
I know there are those of you out there,
reading this
who are needing work
or the person you are married to, is needing work.
I know there are some of you who struggle with paying your bills.
I get that.
I know that.
I am there sometimes too.
But here is what I am realizing today,
those bills,
those papers that crowd my mailbox,
with all the dates and numbers and dollar $igns,
for simple things like
electricity, water, cell phone minutes and cable TV,
Can be viewed in at least two different ways:
1) I can see them and think, "I hate paying bills. I hate that these simple things cost me so much. WHY do I have to pay so much here, when I want to spend my money THERE? Ugh! Bills! Bills are horrible! Bills make me miserable. Bills keep me from getting to do what I really wish I could do!"
And quite honestly, this is a totally understandable to way to feel about/look at bills. But there is another way to look at them too. This is the way I look at bills now (or at least this evening, as I was setting up payments on line and writing checks...):
2) I am so glad, I can even pay this bill. I am proud of myself for the work I put in, to make the money, so I can talk on my cell phone and text my friends. I LOVE that I was able to watch the Royal Wedding, and the finales of my top shows because I had cable last month. The day I turned on the AC this month put me in such a great mood, because it meant summer is on the way! It's great to have money to pay my bills. Great to even have a job!"
I know
I know
I know....
it all sounds a little goofy.
a little too happy, perky, peppy, over-the-top.
But,
there is something to be said about trying a new perspective.
I get it:
Some bills are just too expensive.
Some fees are stupid, and outrageous and annoying
and unfair.
I'm working on my attitude with those bills.
The bills for things I've bought during the month,
the stuff I loaded in my cart, that I could have left on the shelf...
those bills....fill me with questions, little regrets and guilt.
Those bills, I need to really study
analyze
press myself to understand
and stop adding to their bottom line.
(You see where I'm going with this, don't you?
You know what point I'm about to make, right?
You can guess what's next, can't you?)
Bills=Weight
Paying Bills=Losing Weight
Perspective=Perspective
You can look at losing weight,
changing your life
working on yourself
making adjustments,
cutting back
working out
pushing away from the table
putting down the fork
leaving the sweets on the shelf at the store
Feeding Yourself, rather than eating...
in many different ways,
but TWO specifically, which will make a huge difference
(I believe)
in your success...
your long-term,
stick-with-it,
see-it-through,
change-for-good
success.
Perspective 1:
Is this journey about loss?
Feeling stressed and struggling?
Bending your will?
Fighting to beat something?
Dreading the changes?
Focusing on sacrifice?
Putting yourself down?
Doing without what you want?
Missing out on what you love?
or
Perspective 2:
This journey is about discovery, regaining, becoming
This is about choices
Choosing who I want to be
and how I am going to get there.
This is about picking myself up.
Looking at where I have been and where I am going.
Deciding what is best for me.
Wanting what is good for me.
Living in a way that adds to my life
and the meaning of my life.
I am in the middle of learning what I really want.
I am, with each decision.....closer
Closer to the finish line.
Closer to the goal.
Closer to me
Closer to the rest of my story.
Each and every bite and do (or don't) take...
Each minute I dance, or walk, or move...
or rest, reflect, question, journal, think...
Gets me further along--
Moves me away from my "Before" picture
and nearer to my "After."
It ALL adds up.
Our perspectives,
influence our attitudes
and our attitudes,
influence our actions
and our actions
are what completely affect
our results.
(read that again.....about it ALL adding up.
think about it
consider it
write it down on the first page of your journal.
I'm going to write it on my bathroom mirror
and on an index card on my frig
and on a post-it on my closet door
and on a slip of paper near my debit card in my wallet
Where will YOU put it?)
That's all.
Be Your Best,
Becky
I've been working 2 jobs.
Not great jobs.
Not perfect, "I've Always Wanted to do This" jobs.
Not even jobs that pay me well.
But I have been working.
And paying bills.
On time.
And it feels....
Well,
Honestly...
It feels
Good.
It feels satisfying.
I feel satisfied when I pay my bills.
Satisfied I CAN pay my bills.
Satisfied, that my work
my little, dinky jobs
pay me money,
and that, in turn, I can pay a bill or two.
Without those jobs...
(Yikes!)
Life would be different.
I know there are those of you out there,
reading this
who are needing work
or the person you are married to, is needing work.
I know there are some of you who struggle with paying your bills.
I get that.
I know that.
I am there sometimes too.
But here is what I am realizing today,
those bills,
those papers that crowd my mailbox,
with all the dates and numbers and dollar $igns,
for simple things like
electricity, water, cell phone minutes and cable TV,
Can be viewed in at least two different ways:
1) I can see them and think, "I hate paying bills. I hate that these simple things cost me so much. WHY do I have to pay so much here, when I want to spend my money THERE? Ugh! Bills! Bills are horrible! Bills make me miserable. Bills keep me from getting to do what I really wish I could do!"
And quite honestly, this is a totally understandable to way to feel about/look at bills. But there is another way to look at them too. This is the way I look at bills now (or at least this evening, as I was setting up payments on line and writing checks...):
2) I am so glad, I can even pay this bill. I am proud of myself for the work I put in, to make the money, so I can talk on my cell phone and text my friends. I LOVE that I was able to watch the Royal Wedding, and the finales of my top shows because I had cable last month. The day I turned on the AC this month put me in such a great mood, because it meant summer is on the way! It's great to have money to pay my bills. Great to even have a job!"
I know
I know
I know....
it all sounds a little goofy.
a little too happy, perky, peppy, over-the-top.
But,
there is something to be said about trying a new perspective.
I get it:
Some bills are just too expensive.
Some fees are stupid, and outrageous and annoying
and unfair.
I'm working on my attitude with those bills.
The bills for things I've bought during the month,
the stuff I loaded in my cart, that I could have left on the shelf...
those bills....fill me with questions, little regrets and guilt.
Those bills, I need to really study
analyze
press myself to understand
and stop adding to their bottom line.
(You see where I'm going with this, don't you?
You know what point I'm about to make, right?
You can guess what's next, can't you?)
Bills=Weight
Paying Bills=Losing Weight
Perspective=Perspective
You can look at losing weight,
changing your life
working on yourself
making adjustments,
cutting back
working out
pushing away from the table
putting down the fork
leaving the sweets on the shelf at the store
Feeding Yourself, rather than eating...
in many different ways,
but TWO specifically, which will make a huge difference
(I believe)
in your success...
your long-term,
stick-with-it,
see-it-through,
change-for-good
success.
Perspective 1:
Is this journey about loss?
Feeling stressed and struggling?
Bending your will?
Fighting to beat something?
Dreading the changes?
Focusing on sacrifice?
Putting yourself down?
Doing without what you want?
Missing out on what you love?
or
Perspective 2:
This journey is about discovery, regaining, becoming
This is about choices
Choosing who I want to be
and how I am going to get there.
This is about picking myself up.
Looking at where I have been and where I am going.
Deciding what is best for me.
Wanting what is good for me.
Living in a way that adds to my life
and the meaning of my life.
I am in the middle of learning what I really want.
I am, with each decision.....closer
Closer to the finish line.
Closer to the goal.
Closer to me
Closer to the rest of my story.
Each and every bite and do (or don't) take...
Each minute I dance, or walk, or move...
or rest, reflect, question, journal, think...
Gets me further along--
Moves me away from my "Before" picture
and nearer to my "After."
It ALL adds up.
Our perspectives,
influence our attitudes
and our attitudes,
influence our actions
and our actions
are what completely affect
our results.
(read that again.....about it ALL adding up.
think about it
consider it
write it down on the first page of your journal.
I'm going to write it on my bathroom mirror
and on an index card on my frig
and on a post-it on my closet door
and on a slip of paper near my debit card in my wallet
Where will YOU put it?)
That's all.
Be Your Best,
Becky
Friday, May 20, 2011
Head's UP! Waaaaaaay Up!
It's TIME.
The time has come
to
blog
again.
So here,
right here,
I declare it:
WATCH THIS SPACE!
I will begin blogging (and VLOGGING!!!) again
on....
as of...
beginning...
MONDAY, May 23rd, 2011.
And I mean it.
I will be blogging TWICE a week
(not quite as often as before).
I'll be here.
How 'bout you?
Will you join me?
Will you join me in losing 15lbs?
(or whatever YOU have to lose...or gain...or find...or discover...or release)
Because that amount...
that weight
those pounds
that mountain....
is what these past six months or so...
of silence
change
moving
laboring
crying
sadness
uncertainty
divorce (there, I said it)
singleness
decision
working (2 jobs!)
thinking
mothering
loving
re-grouping
defending
explaining
struggling
sighing
forgiving
talking
releasing
sadness
acceptance
and
so
much
more....
have added to my frame...
To me.
To who I am.
To the woman,
the mother
the gal,
I am
and want to be.
I am with you
I am in the same boat
I am working things out
I am looking at myself again
I am ready.
Ready to face myself
Ready to ask the tough questions
Ready to tell myself the truth
Ready to do the work
Make the changes
Work
Change
Think
Feel
Try
Make the Effort
Again.
Again and again.
I am ready to put it out there.
Strip it down to the truth.
Face the facts.
Do the Work
To get back.
Back to me
Back to who I want to be.
This is harder,
it's harder this time.
It is so
much harder
this
time.
The first 100 pounds were about
the past 12 years of losing me
and the past three years of
finding me
and figuring out WHY?
Why I had gained the weight
Why I had kept the weight on
Why I had decided to lose it when I did
and
What I was going to do next
Harder now, because I reached the goal,
but have
slipped back,
gained a little of it again,
given up a little
given into hopelessness
given away my confidence
felt failure
felt judgement
felt isolation
felt misunderstood
and
felt like it was no use.
Are you with me?
Have you felt what I feel?
Have you given up?
Have you all BUT, given up?
Then let's do this together!
I am here
writing again
telling the truth
letting you in on my struggle...
writing in the night,
rather than in the day
because it feels just a little safer
just a little less vulnerable
just a little less in "broad daylight"
but I am here, nonetheless
and I am ready
I am oh-so-ready
as of today....tonight, really
To make the changes and begin again.
If you have written to me,
sweet, supportive, encouraging notes...
notes of concern
notes of care
notes with questions and words of friendship....
I will get to YOU in the coming week (or so)
Your words have meant SO much to me.
I have cried
felt bolstered
squared my shoulders, held my head high....
or sunk into a place of peace and comfort...
because you have taken the time to write.
Thank you.
Thank you for the personal notes.
I have felt your friendship
and I'm truly grateful.
So.
Now.
Gather your friends.
Get your notebook. Your gum. Your lipstick.
and let's see what we can do NOW.
Get ready for Monday--
and let's starting DANCING
with all our hearts
with everything we've got....
Because we can!
That's all.
Be your best!
(see you Monday!),
Becky
The time has come
to
blog
again.
So here,
right here,
I declare it:
WATCH THIS SPACE!
I will begin blogging (and VLOGGING!!!) again
on....
as of...
beginning...
MONDAY, May 23rd, 2011.
And I mean it.
I will be blogging TWICE a week
(not quite as often as before).
I'll be here.
How 'bout you?
Will you join me?
Will you join me in losing 15lbs?
(or whatever YOU have to lose...or gain...or find...or discover...or release)
Because that amount...
that weight
those pounds
that mountain....
is what these past six months or so...
of silence
change
moving
laboring
crying
sadness
uncertainty
divorce (there, I said it)
singleness
decision
working (2 jobs!)
thinking
mothering
loving
re-grouping
defending
explaining
struggling
sighing
forgiving
talking
releasing
sadness
acceptance
and
so
much
more....
have added to my frame...
To me.
To who I am.
To the woman,
the mother
the gal,
I am
and want to be.
I am with you
I am in the same boat
I am working things out
I am looking at myself again
I am ready.
Ready to face myself
Ready to ask the tough questions
Ready to tell myself the truth
Ready to do the work
Make the changes
Work
Change
Think
Feel
Try
Make the Effort
Again.
Again and again.
I am ready to put it out there.
Strip it down to the truth.
Face the facts.
Do the Work
To get back.
Back to me
Back to who I want to be.
This is harder,
it's harder this time.
It is so
much harder
this
time.
The first 100 pounds were about
the past 12 years of losing me
and the past three years of
finding me
and figuring out WHY?
Why I had gained the weight
Why I had kept the weight on
Why I had decided to lose it when I did
and
What I was going to do next
Harder now, because I reached the goal,
but have
slipped back,
gained a little of it again,
given up a little
given into hopelessness
given away my confidence
felt failure
felt judgement
felt isolation
felt misunderstood
and
felt like it was no use.
Are you with me?
Have you felt what I feel?
Have you given up?
Have you all BUT, given up?
Then let's do this together!
I am here
writing again
telling the truth
letting you in on my struggle...
writing in the night,
rather than in the day
because it feels just a little safer
just a little less vulnerable
just a little less in "broad daylight"
but I am here, nonetheless
and I am ready
I am oh-so-ready
as of today....tonight, really
To make the changes and begin again.
If you have written to me,
sweet, supportive, encouraging notes...
notes of concern
notes of care
notes with questions and words of friendship....
I will get to YOU in the coming week (or so)
Your words have meant SO much to me.
I have cried
felt bolstered
squared my shoulders, held my head high....
or sunk into a place of peace and comfort...
because you have taken the time to write.
Thank you.
Thank you for the personal notes.
I have felt your friendship
and I'm truly grateful.
So.
Now.
Gather your friends.
Get your notebook. Your gum. Your lipstick.
and let's see what we can do NOW.
Get ready for Monday--
and let's starting DANCING
with all our hearts
with everything we've got....
Because we can!
That's all.
Be your best!
(see you Monday!),
Becky
Monday, March 21, 2011
Shadow Dancing
It is nice to be missed.
It is comforting to receive personal notes,
messages from women who have visited this blog
and noticed I've been missing.
I sigh
and smile
and even tear up a little
when I hear from you.
Thank you.
Yep. I've been gone.
And I'm not back quite yet.
(But I will be...I will)
Without a lot of detail,
without a lot of drama
or hoopla,
I will let you in.
I am still dancing.
Slowly
Quietly
Alone.
I am still taking care of myself,
but my life is a bit sideways right now.
It is hard
and shifting (a lot).
This is not a time for high heels and red lipstick.
It is not a time for Rockstar Jeans and Jamming Tunes.
Not a time for posting inspiration or motivation.
Not a time for offering strength to others,
when I am in such need of it myself.
It is a time for
flats
or slippers
and maybe even just socks
and maybe even bare feet.
It is a time for me to focus on being a mother.
Putting my children first, without putting myself last.
I am walking more than I am dancing.
I am moving through my day
at a different pace
in a different direction than I've ever known before.
Sometimes I am sitting and just trying to listen.
At times, I am simply standing, and hoping to hear something.
Other times I am leaning against whatever I can find to hold me up.
My life
is changing.
YOU, get out and dance for me.
Dance and become.
Be free and change.
Discover who you want to be, and embrace it.
And let me hear from you.
Tell me your stories.
Inspire and motivate...me!
I'll catch up with you soon.
Very soon.
That's all.
Be Your Best!
Becky
It is comforting to receive personal notes,
messages from women who have visited this blog
and noticed I've been missing.
I sigh
and smile
and even tear up a little
when I hear from you.
Thank you.
Yep. I've been gone.
And I'm not back quite yet.
(But I will be...I will)
Without a lot of detail,
without a lot of drama
or hoopla,
I will let you in.
I am still dancing.
Slowly
Quietly
Alone.
I am still taking care of myself,
but my life is a bit sideways right now.
It is hard
and shifting (a lot).
This is not a time for high heels and red lipstick.
It is not a time for Rockstar Jeans and Jamming Tunes.
Not a time for posting inspiration or motivation.
Not a time for offering strength to others,
when I am in such need of it myself.
It is a time for
flats
or slippers
and maybe even just socks
and maybe even bare feet.
It is a time for me to focus on being a mother.
Putting my children first, without putting myself last.
I am walking more than I am dancing.
I am moving through my day
at a different pace
in a different direction than I've ever known before.
Sometimes I am sitting and just trying to listen.
At times, I am simply standing, and hoping to hear something.
Other times I am leaning against whatever I can find to hold me up.
My life
is changing.
YOU, get out and dance for me.
Dance and become.
Be free and change.
Discover who you want to be, and embrace it.
And let me hear from you.
Tell me your stories.
Inspire and motivate...me!
I'll catch up with you soon.
Very soon.
That's all.
Be Your Best!
Becky
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