Head's UP! Waaaaaaay Up!

It's TIME.
The time has come
to
blog
again.
So here,
right here,
I declare it:

WATCH THIS SPACE!
I will begin blogging (and VLOGGING!!!) again
on....
as of...
beginning...
MONDAY, May 23rd, 2011.
And I mean it.

I will be blogging TWICE a week
(not quite as often as before).

I'll be here.
How 'bout you?
Will you join me?

Will you join me in losing 15lbs?
(or whatever YOU have to lose...or gain...or find...or discover...or release)
Because that amount...
that weight
those pounds
that mountain....
is what these past six months or so...
of silence
change
moving
laboring
crying
sadness
uncertainty
divorce (there, I said it)
singleness
decision
working (2 jobs!)
thinking
mothering
loving
re-grouping
defending
explaining
struggling
sighing
forgiving
talking
releasing
sadness
acceptance
and
so
much
more....
have added to my frame...
To me.
To who I am.
To the woman,
the mother
the gal,
I am
and want to be.

I am with you
I am in the same boat
I am working things out
I am looking at myself again
I am ready.
Ready to face myself
Ready to ask the tough questions
Ready to tell myself the truth
Ready to do the work
Make the changes
Work
Change
Think
Feel
Try
Make the Effort
Again.
Again and again.

I am ready to put it out there.
Strip it down to the truth.
Face the facts.
Do the Work
To get back.
Back to me
Back to who I want to be.

This is harder,
it's harder this time.
It is so
much harder
this
time.

The first 100 pounds were about
the past 12 years of losing me
and the past three years of
finding me
and figuring out WHY?
Why I had gained the weight
Why I had kept the weight on
Why I had decided to lose it when I did
and
What I was going to do next

Harder now, because I reached the goal,
but have
slipped back,
gained a little of it again,
given up a little
given into hopelessness
given away my confidence
felt failure
felt judgement
felt isolation
felt misunderstood
and
felt like it was no use.

Are you with me?
Have you felt what I feel?
Have you given up?
Have you all BUT, given up?

Then let's do this together!

I am here
writing again
telling the truth
letting you in on my struggle...
writing in the night,
rather than in the day
because it feels just a little safer
just a little less vulnerable
just a little less in "broad daylight"
but I am here, nonetheless
and I am ready
I am oh-so-ready
as of today....tonight, really
To make the changes and begin again.

If you have written to me,
sweet, supportive, encouraging notes...
notes of concern
notes of care
notes with questions and words of friendship....
I will get to YOU in the coming week (or so)
Your words have meant SO much to me.
I have cried
felt bolstered
squared my shoulders, held my head high....
or sunk into a place of peace and comfort...
because you have taken the time to write.
Thank you.
Thank you for the personal notes.
I have felt your friendship
and I'm truly grateful.

So.
Now.
Gather your friends.
Get your notebook. Your gum. Your lipstick.
and let's see what we can do NOW.
Get ready for Monday--
and let's starting DANCING
with all our hearts
with everything we've got....

Because we can!

That's all.
Be your best!
(see you Monday!),

Becky