Lighten Your Load

Three specific SHOUT-OUTS for some Dance Party for One readers (and doers!)

Celeste for losing 11 pounds!
Jill for losing 5 pounds!
Gina for dropping 2 sizes!

SERIOUSLY wonderful, grand and exciting accomplishments!
You should each be very proud of and amazed by your Selves! We all are, for you!

There is no accomplishment too small here ladies.
One good decision a day
One conscious moment
One effort in the right direction
One change in your routine
One different action

ALL are worthy of your attention
and your joy!

Here's the thing.
A little reminder.
THIS is all about YOU
You making an effort
You thinking again
You feeling again
You SHOWING up again
For your own life!

I wrote earlier this week about looking at your weight and your WEIGHTs,
and making those weights your new goals.
I wanted to let you know something else I did.

One morning, about a month into my whole Change-My-Life Quest, after I weighed myself, I called my four kids into the room, and weighed each of them.

NOT to find out how they were doing in terms of weight or growth,
but because I wanted a record of their weights, for ME.

At the time, my twins (who are really ONLY twins in the respect that they were born the same day--they are as opposite in appearance and personality, as I am from YOU), weighed 44 and 49 pounds. My oldest daughter weighed about 78 pounds and my 11 year-old son weighed right at 99 pounds.

I wrote these weights down in my journal
Along with my measurements.
(Remember when you recorded your measurements? Remember when I asked you to do that? Did you? It's ok if you didn't. You can do it TODAY!)
I wrote down their weights
and my measurements.

And I went to work again
I fed myself Food, when I was hungry
Music when I was needing to connect with my emotions
Dancing when I was needing to release those emotions and have fun
Fresh air and nature when I was needing to feel alive and connect with my senses
Friendship when I was needing to talk out my feelings and share my experiences
The Bible when I hungered spiritually
Barnes and Noble when I craved knowledge
Facebook when I wanted to remember myself from highschool and college
Macy's when I wanted to step into a new style
InStyle Magazine when I wanted to dream about my longer hair
and
Crayons, art pencils, sketch pads and coloring books when I needed a quick creativity fix

I fed myself in countless, creative ways.
I filled ME up
and found I needed FOOD a whole lot less than before.

And
While I was weighing myself on the scale each morning,
I was looking for two different numbers
I was looking for the WEIGHT I wanted to return to from previous Life Moments
and
I was looking for my smallest child's body weight....
I was waiting for the number on the scale,
to indicate I had lost...
an
entire
Haily

I remember the day
I weighed myself
(and did the math)
and saw, I had lost 44 pounds.
I had lost a Haily (my Peanut, as I call her)

I called for Haily to come to me and step on the scale
I looked at HER
I looked down at HER weight on the scale
I looked at her face
her head
her arms
her legs
and her torso.
I imagined her INSIDES
I thought of her heart
her brain
her kidneys
her skeleton
her muscles
her organs

And AGAIN,
I cried
I got on my knees,
pulled her off the scale
and into my lap
and hugged her
I held her as close to me as I could manage
and
I
Remembered

I remembered
that
THAT collection of weight
THAT mass of living, breathing, alive tissue,
THAT 6 year-old, 44-pound collection of girl,
THAT SAME amount of Weight,
had ONCE
been
on
ME
Attached to my skeleton
weighing on my heart
pressing down on my feet.

That same 44 pounds,
visually represented by my child
which had
been poured into jeans
squished into bathing suits
hidden and covered up by baggy tops
and buffered by elastic waisted pants
was
no
longer
ON Me

I looked at Haily
and
saw the face of the 44 pounds I had lost

I got off the floor.
Pulled Haily up in my arms
and carried her down the stairs to the kitchen
then carried her down another flight of stairs to the basement
then walked right back up to the kitchen
and back up the stairs to my room
and put on some music
and danced
with Haily in my arms

It was an amazing
beautiful
exhausting
sweaty
invigorating
inspiring moment

I put her down
sent her to "go play"
leaned myself against the foot of my bed,
held on the bedpost
looked in my dresser mirror
and wept. again.
Proud of myself. again.
Amazed by ME.
Again.
Because I was 44 pounds FREER than before
I was 44 pounds LIGHTER than before
I was 44 pounds CLOSER to my SELF than before


I repeated my stair walks
and dancing sessions
again with Haily's twin
and her big sister
when
I
lost
THEIR
weights



When I lost my son's weight,
I carried him too.
He had watched me with my girls
he knew it was coming
he was a big boy then
far too big for piggy back rides
far too cool for such silliness
far too pre-teen to want such a ride...
But he loves his mother
He was proud of his mother
He had told me, all along the way
That he was waiting,
just waiting...

just waiting...on me
waiting...for...me

He was ready, and willing,
and waiting
for
his
turn
For the day when
HE
WOULD
BE
My Victory Lap

And he was...
When it came for his turn....
He
was
my
Victory
Lap

I attempted to make dinner with him on my back
and it was hard
impossible
I didn't get very far

But I loved it
and so did he

I could not believe how HEAVY 100 pounds
felt on my back
though I had worn it on my frame for years.
My feet went down a size,
and a width
because 100 pounds of ME
were no longer
On
Me!

100 pounds were no longer pushing my heart too far
100 pounds were no longer over-working my organs
100 pounds were no longer taxing my lungs
100 pounds were no longer straining my joints
100 pounds were no longer weighing down my soul
100 pounds were no longer rattling around in my head
whispering things
telling me things
taunting me
taking away from my successes
and draining me of my freedom
and possibilities
and courage

Returning to my previous Weights
and looking into the faces of my children as concrete, touchable, hold-able, carry-able representations of how far I had come, how much I had LOST
Were the KEYS for me losing 100 physical pounds,
countless emotional hang-ups
endless regrets and feelings of failure
and
immeasurable gains in becoming the Woman I wanted to be

Weights on a chart, really don't matter
Sizes in a fitting room are fun
Having cheek bones
and collar bones
and a neck
are wonderful
But
nothing compares to
taking a Victory Lap
Celebrating a Victory

A Victory that led to Freedom
and
Life.

Journal TIME:

1) Get out your journal, turn to a clean page and number a list from 1-10

2) Go to your pantry or kitchen cabinets, and start weighing stuff: cans of vegetables, sacks of potatoes, cases of juice boxes, etc. Weigh your kids, or pets, or anything else you can manage to fit on a scale, that has a little MASS to it. Take a moment to remember, if you have children, what they weighed at birth.

3) Locate (in your house, or take a trip to the grocery store) a 5 lb. sack of flour or sugar. Pick it up and hold it in the palm of your hand (if you can). FEEL that five pounds. Imagine wedging that same 5 pound sack into your purse and putting the purse on your shoulder. That EXTRA five pounds, would take a toll on your back and your shoulder and your arm after a while. Imagine adding ANOTHER five pound sack to another purse, and putting it on your other shoulder.

4) After you have felt the sack of sugar (or flour), and weighed the people, pets or objects in your home, list TEN of the items (or people) and their corresponding weights, from least to greatest, on the page in your journal.

5) THESE are ALSO your NEW goals. Incorporate THESE Weights, into your thinking. ADD these Weights to the list you made last time.

6) Stop dreading the scale. Stop HATING getting up on that scale! Stop avoiding that SCALE! It is your ally! It is your CHEERLEADER! IT tells you how CLOSE you are getting to your goals! It tells you how much closer you are to your FIRST celebration...that day, when you will go back and weigh AGAIN one of the things you just listed! THAT scale is the FIRST friend who will tell you, you have DONE it, you have changed, you have Become More of the YOU, You are Wanting to BE!

I am serious!

7) Turn to the first page of your journal, and write:

My Scale is ready and waiting to give me a Shout Out! My scale wants to cheer for me. It will know I have reached a goal, even before I can tell my best friend! I no longer hate scales!

That's all.
Be Your Best.
(You're already on your way.)
Becky