In the Meantime

Thursday.

Not a blogging day for me.

But I have been away,

Away from writing my thoughts,

sending Tweets

and posting ideas to be contemplated and pondered.

I am the one who has been doing to contemplating and pondering.

I have been thinking and sharing, talking and visiting

with friends, like you and me.

Getting together with other women. Wives. Moms. Women.

Who are interested in This.

Who are interested in Me.

And where I am going with This.

This blog. This experience. This opportunity.

I have been with my friends.

Some old, some new, and some I have met through this blog.

I answered questions.

I posed questions.

I shared my heart, got a little vulnerable

and opened up with them,

about me.

I didn't sleep much

I ended up a bit overwhelmed

with my head spinning.

And

I

gained

five

pounds

In six days,

I gained five pounds

FIVE POUNDS, People!

And I can lose them.
I know this.
I know I can lose five pounds.
I know I can do just about ANYTHING.

It's just a matter of DECIDING to do it.
And then deciding HOW I want to do it.

Here's how I will DO it:

First, I will look at those five pounds, and determine what they MEAN to me.

In this case, those five pounds mean I drove my children to Orlando so they could hang out with my husband (their dad), a great guy, in Florida--visiting theme parks, playing miniature golf and building memories. I ate pretzels, and chugged Diet Cokes while I drove the seven hours to get them to Florida (and then seven hours back a few days later). Those five pounds also mean, I was at an airport for SEVERAL glorious hours...alone.  I sat at an airport waiting on a plane (four planes actually, after counting the lay-overs and return flights). I sat in solitude and enjoyed some McDonald's fries. I sat with strangers on a plane, and told them my story. And felt myself inspired by the looks in their eyes and the stories THEY shared in return). Those five pounds mean I went "out" ten times for FOOD with friends and family. At each gathering, I was AGAIN, inspired and connected to MYSELF and the people I love. It also means, I made a trip to the hometown where my mother grew up, so I could visit her 82 year-old sister, and tell HER my story and allow my four children the opportunity to spend time getting to know MY aunt, my cousins. Those five pounds also mean I felt myself running on fumes and needing rest. I had to cancel one of my meetings during the trip (sorry, G). I needed to rest. I needed to tune out and turn off my "Story" and just BE. I needed to be plain ol' Becky. Without any insight to share or motivation to impart. I needed to call my husband and have him "manage" me and tell me what do to. Which he did. He told me to get into the car and close my eyes and rest. And spend the rest of the day, having fun. Just having fun. Not talking or sharing or giving or 'living with intention and purpose.' He told me to go have fun. And I did.

In six days, I had FIVE pounds-worth of fun and friendship and meaning and connection and inspiration.

Next, I will set about losing the five pounds, shedding them, working on them...but holding on to the fun. The sharing. The lessons. The encounters and inspiration I met with on the way to gaining them.

I will cut back here and there. I will dance a little harder and for a few extra minutes. I will make a few additional CONSCIOUS decisions with how I FEED myself for the next few weeks. And with every decision, extra song I move to and each additional do-over I give myself, I will think of you...the ones who were there with me, while I gained the five pounds. You were a part of my story this weekend. You were a part of my learning and sharing and growing. And...you will be a part of my losing. You will be a part of the energy that keeps me going. That makes me proud of the time I spent, the moments when I relaxed with you, was challenged by you, cried with (and in front of) you and was myself, my true, honest, vulnerable, flawed, french-fry-eating, wine-drinking, black-leather-boot-strutting, red-lipstick-wearing, five-pounds-heavier-than-when-I got-in-the-car-to-see-you, SELF.

What I won't do with those five pounds is:
Feel guilty about them
Regret that they are there
Give up on myself
Blame you for even an ounce
Let them stay on me
or
Add to them
because I think they don't matter.

To me...
those five pounds
MATTER

On so may levels,
those five pounds
and the other 95 I lost...
Matter.

In the meantime, while I am working on those five
(for however long it takes),
I will chew my gum,
I will save a dollar in the back of MY journal
(you need to have about $25 set aside by now),
I will put on my lipstick
I will keep my gray roots touched up
I will keep my legs shaved
I will put lotion on my elbows
I will pluck my eyebrows as needed
I will hunt for new, fun music for my personal dance parties
I will blog and tweet and post on Facebook
I will tell my story to strangers at the mall in the shoe department
I will encourage my girls to put on their lipgloss
I will take off my nail polish when it gets chipped
I will sit on the porch for a glass of red at night

I will NOT stop doing the things that feed me,
REALLY feed me,
While I am in the process of working on five pounds.

All of the things I listed above are the things I used to "LET GO"of, when I was feeling my worst. When I was feeling fat, and tired and hopeless. Those are the things I just STOPPED tending to, in terms of my appearance. I felt like those things didn't really MATTER. That NOTHING was worth the time or effort in terms of MY APPEARANCE, when I was unhappy with my weight.

How 'bout you? Are there things You have "Let Go" of, because you felt like they just didn't add up to much in the grand picture of YOU? I mean GOOD, healthy, look-your-best practices and habits?

Here is your assignment for the next day or two (I will blog again tomorrow, so get to work on this one, ASAP):

1) Turn to the next clean page in your journal and print:
If I were going for a job interview in three days for my DREAM JOB, in order to make the best FIRST IMPRESSION I am capable of, I would do the following things to my appearance to get ready:

Then, print the word TODAY at the left margin, and leave a few lines for listing your ideas.

Half-way down the page, print the word TOMORROW at the left margin, leaving a few more lines for listing your ideas.

A few lines from the bottom, print the words THE DAY BEFORE at the left margin.

2) Guess what you're going to do now? Exactly. You're going to fill in those blank lines on your paper with your answers. I know for me, I would get my hair cut. I would file my nails so they're even. I would look into getting my roots touched up. I would find something to wear that made me look the way I WANT TO BE SEEN. There are any number of things you can list. Make them specific to you! Little things and big things you can work on, highlight, change, alter, TRY over the course of three days to get yourself ready for your DREAM JOB INTERVIEW! Fill in your list. Be specific.

3) Turn to the front of your journal...to that FIRST page where you are recording the little nuggets of inspiration, and READ what you have written, a few times. I will give you something to add to that page, Next Time. In the meantime, do today's little assignment. See if you can fill in all three parts of the page in one sitting (with your gum in your mouth and your lips properly glossed).

That's all.
Be Your Best,
Becky

(FOLLOW this BLOG! FOLLOW on TWITTER! TELL your friends and family about THIS. WE ALL NEED IT...especially ME, while I'm working on those five pounds!)