You're Not So Special After All

I'm not trying to be a downer here, with the title of this post. But, I am going to be pretty straight-forward in this post about a few things. First, I want to take a moment to clarify, just in case you're needing to hear it, that my journey (and maybe yours?), is not about having better self-esteem or thinking positive thoughts about myself. On the contrary....it was (is) about being truthful with myself and true to myself. Allow me to explain:

Self-esteem is a rootless, soul-less, whipped topping we put on to cover up our weaknesses, short-comings and insecurities. Self-esteem says, You are good. You are special.

And really, really, really

I don't believe either of those statements.

Because, I know (at least for me),

They. are. not. true.

I am reminded of the movie The Incredibles, featuring a household full of superheroes with special powers, who are forced to go into hiding and assume lives as "regular" people. At one point, someone is talking about everyone being special....and the comeback line to counter this statement is..."If everyone is special, then no one really is!" Bingo. Double Bingo!

Last time, I asked you to create a little chart in your journal, detailing a few specific traits and facts about four women, and yourself. (Again, I really hope you did this....if not, maybe, try to this weekend....Any of these things you are willing to do, reinforce that you are willing to put yourself out there and take a few steps toward change and trust. Remember, I am PROUD of you!). So the chart....Take it out and look at it for a minute. Notice there is not a SINGLE woman on that page, whose information is 100% identical to YOURS! Even if there happens to be a someone on your list with almost duplicate information, they are not perfectly/exactly, the same. It is very possible that there is someone on your list, you think "has it all together," and quite possibly, one who you know, is a train wreck--their life is in shambles. But frankly, none of the women on your page, or my page or on any of the pages, anyone here completed....is actually special...or more special than anyone else...

We are all on the same, level playing field.

We all have the same amount of hours in the day.

We all eat, sleep and get sick.

We are all pretty much, equals.

But, as you'll notice from just the simple chart you made,

None

of

us

IS

the

same.

We are all unique.

And that is what I want you to hear,

Discover for yourself

and dwell on for

The

Rest

of

Your

Life.

Starting right NOW!

It is not about self-esteem

or specialness

It is about

Uniqueness.

***You are incredibly unique.

No one

has the exact same set of life experiences,

strengths, weaknesses, hurts or victories,

as you.

No one has endured what you have endured,

faced your exact challenges,

lived your life,

been given the same talents or skills

as you.

No one shares your every interest

deals with problems

handles stress

finds relaxation

enjoys Life's pleasures

savors certain flavors, scents and sights

shares the same passions

has the same hopes

believes in the same dreams

treasures the same memories

as You.

No one has gone through the same exact combination of

break-ups

disappointments

abuses

sorrows

loss

jealousies

abandonment

or failures

as you

You ARE incredibly unique

Your dearest friend,

Closest sibling or

Life-long spouse,

is not THE SAME

as you.

Let that sink in a minute.

Go back and read that list again, starting with "***You are incredibly unique." (No really, go read it again. I'll wait. I'll be right here when you get back to this spot.)

Self-esteem says,

"I am special and good"

and

"Yippee! Hooray for ME!"

Personally, I think self-esteem is a lot of crap.

A boatload of crap!

Self-esteem doesn't really give me (or you), enough credit,

while at the same time, giving me (and you?) too much credit.

I don't need Self-Esteem

I need Truth.

Truth says,

I lose my temper

I say and think horrible things about others

(and myself)

I have done wrong, bad, selfish things

I have failed to do good, right, loving things

I am filled with flaws and regrets,

and there are many things I wish I could be

and want to change

and I feel powerless about them

a lot of the time.

But....Truth, also says:

I am more than those thoughts and feelings.

Those thoughts and feelings and truths

are a part of me.

How I view them, how I respond to those truths about me,

are part of what make ME (and you), so unique.

Ahhh, but we have forgotten our uniqueness

We are (possibly) like that gray, tasteless gum from a week or so ago.

We have forgotten the truths about ourselves,

or have never, ever discovered them in the first place.

So.....We begin today.

We begin NOW.

This weekend, we will remember more

discover more

experience ourselves more

and begin to believe,

receive and understand

who we really are.

Ready?

I loved seeing that a friend of mine had shared one of the posts from this blog on her Facebook page. I will call her "B." (From here on out, when I quote someone I know or reference a note I've been sent, or share a personal story, I'll use their first initial. If it's you, you'll know who you are...but won't feel on the spot!). B posted the following:

We are often told to spend time with God, our family, our school, our friends. But, how often do you spend time with yourself?

The problem is, we have forgotten (or not been taught)

What it means,

HOW TO

spend time with ourselves

or

we just don't do it!

We spend time with everyone else, we're supposed to,

but we don't invest in those unique things about US

We eat our fast-food combos

Polish off 1/2 a bag of chips

Pop the extra chocolates in our mouths

and EAT.

We no longer FEED ourselves

Our unique

NEEDS

INTERESTS

HUNGERS

EMOTIONS

and

SELVES

But we are going to start changing that. In fact, if you are here reading this, you have already BEGUN doing this! How easy was that?

So...here is your journal exercise (it's a BIG one, and is INTENDED to be FUN). If you have not done ANY of the other things I've suggested, please DO THIS ONE! It will take some time. It may be frustrating. It may come easlily...but it may also be tough. Hopefully, it will point out (to you), just how far away you have gotten from remembering yourself...knowing yourself and studying your uniqueness.

1)Put on your lipstick (I said I would explain the whole stick/gloss/balm thing this time, but it will wait until Monday. It will be the whole POINT of Monday...be sure to check back for it).

2) Turn to the first blank sheet in your journal and print (across the top of the page):

I LOVE THE SMELL OF

and number the page 1-15

3) Turn to the next blank page and print (in the same manner):

I LOVE THE SOUND OF

(number 1-15)

4) Turn to the next blank page (get the idea?) and print:

MY FAVORITE SONGS/ARTISTS WHEN I WAS A TEEN WERE

(number 1-15)

5) Turn to the next page and print:

ON MY VERY BEST DAY, I AM/I FEEL

(number 1-15)

6) Take SOME time EVERY day to work on these lists. You may try to do them in one sitting, or steal away for 5 minutes, when you can. The point is to TRY to fill them in. Get inside your own head and heart and memories and hopes for yourself and record your SELF on these pages. ADD to these pages WHENEVER you think of something for the lists. There is no 15 item limit. Your answers for these lists really are limitless (at least, that is the point I hope you get!)

7) On the first page of your notebook, where you have already printed:

STOP EATING

START FEEDING MYSELF

and

This is not about my relationship with food

It is about my relationship with My Self

Please print, sideways, along the right edge of the first sheet:

I am not all that special. I am however, Incredibly Unique

That's all.

Be Your Best,

Becky