Tuesday NIGHT post!

I added a post to my other blog Truth Time, but wanted to add it to the Dance Party (DP41) blog as well. It is a bit of a departure from the things I write about here. But....in some of the letters I've been getting from you, I've come across many women who are puzzled as to how to balance ME time, and family, mother and wife time. They are worried about becoming selfish, at the cost of their families. They are struggling in their personal faith to reconcile spending time on themselves, when they have been taught to make their lives all about others and serving.

So.....it got me thinking. Thinking about our worries. Our concerns. And our fears. Fears about what we are doing, why we are doing it and maybe even, "What will other people think about what I am doing and why I am doing it?" I have put my thoughts, conclusions and questions into this post and am pasting it here.

For me, what I am starting to think, is that we as women, have taken great pride in our self-neglect (for the sake of others). We have developed our sense of value, and have actually begun to draw our identity from, our exhaustion, stress and sacrifice. We take pride in our weariness.....until we FINALLY get to the point, when we realize crashing and burning, doesn't make us any happier, content or alive. It just burns us out and crushes our joy.

So, here is that post. It is a long one. I'll be posting the Wednesday Review tomorrow, with a re-cap of my Twitter posts, and a few SPECIFIC eating/feeding tips to help you work on the WEIGHT side of your journey.

I would appreciate your feedback on this, and any of the other posts on this blog. Your thoughts matter. Your questions matter. I am on the same journey as you, maybe a month or two further on the path, but still journeying, the same. So, please take a moment to comment. Sign up as a follower and spread the word. Who knows....maybe I am planning a book on this whole experience.....maybe there is a Dance Party for One Journal in the works and YOUR thoughts and comments will help me in the process of making it a reality! Join in and let me know you are HERE!

Be Your Best,
Becky


RISKY BUSINESS

I've been thinking.

And I believe I've had a sort-of-epiphany.

I have been examining a critical question.

A question I have been asked a few time lately,

by women.

Women like me

who are navigating through

motherhood,

wife-ing

and faith.

Women who are wanting to be all they can be,

honor their God,

care for their children

and maintain good marriages.

First off,

I am always struck with the amount of

devotion

commitment

care

and selflessness

we as women

pour into our children (assuming we have them--I have FOUR).

I wonder how many minutes in any given week, would reflect the grand total of TIME

I spend on, for, with

my children.

Secondly,

I have been pondering the amount of time

devotion

commitment

care

and selflessness

we as women

pour into our husbands (assuming we have them--I have ONE)

AND YES, I am laughing at myself as I write this.

I am chuckling at the total number of minutes, in any given week, which would reflect the grand total of TIME

I spend on, for, with

my husband

.....in comparison to what I spend on my children.

Thirdly, am I the only one,

who's knows there is a GREAT discrepancy between those two totals?

Am I the only one,

who realizes (with some embarrassment)

that I do not

consciously GIVE

as freely, openly and sacrificially to

my husband

as I do to my children

(and I know, it is not because there are FOUR of them and ONE of him. I know it is not because he travels and commutes with work and is away from home a lot. I know it is not because he is a man of 44 and they are young people of 12 and 10 and 7)?

It is because of ME.

It is because of how I have placed importance on certain things and not others.

It is because I have made some things, some tasks, some duties (with my children)

more important, or necessary, or meaningful than him.

I know this.

I know I am doing better with this than I ever have before,

but I still know

there is a great imbalance between my EFFORTS toward Mike

and my ACCOMPLISHMENTS with my children.

But,

even this confession, this realization, this fact...

is NOT my actual epiphany.

Here is the question I have been struggling to answer...

(and thus the epiphany for MY life)

As I work on ME,

as I connect with myself

and learn more about loving and accepting ME

and becoming the woman I want to be

OUTSIDE of the roles and duties of

mothering

and

wife-ing....

How do I keep myself from becoming selfish?

How do I draw boundaries for myself, so I do not cross over into narcissism and neglect others?

Bottom line:

How do I know I am not being selfish when I take time out for me to REALLY focus on ME and what I want or need, and can I still be the kind of woman who loves and honors God with her life if I concentrate on ME?

This is the question I have been asked by others.

This is what I have been pondering.

I want to be able to answer this question, when asked.

I want to be able to answer it for myself.

This is a major question.

This is a question (I believe),

rooted in guilt

driven by fear

and

(dare, I even state it)...

only HALF of the question we (I) REALLY should be asking.

Deep breath, Becky.

Here's where I cross a line into an area that might shut down interest in anything else I have to say (ever)...

I think the OTHER side of this question,

the question I would ALSO like to be asked

(and frankly, have NEVER been asked, and until now, really never considered as a question for myself) is:

How do I know, I am not working, laboring, doing, being selfless, volunteering for everything, driving everyone everywhere, and pouring out every ounce of my life and my energy, and neglecting myself, me as a woman----out of PRIDE---in those very actions and sacrifices?

Selfishness

or

Pride?

Both are risky business.

So why is it,

we feel guilty

and struggle with our fears

and question the possibility of

selfishness,

when we

rarely,

take a look at ourselves

and feel guilty

and struggle with fears

and question the possibility

that we are riddled with and

drowning in

PRIDE?

Pride

in what

we do for others,

what we give to our children

how we go without, for them

give up and drain ourselves for them.

And

at

the

end

of

the

day,

Pride in how we have been

Good Mothers

or Good People,

because of what we have done, and

how exhausted we feel.

I think

Pride guides us,

as women,

much more than Selfishness.

Here's the epiphany part:

I am starting to see that

Pride is

another type of

SELF-ish

behavior.

It is a valuing of ourselves

because of who we THINK we are,

based on something we are doing RIGHT.

It is a focus on OURSELVES

and what we do and accomplish,

which makes us appear noble

and virtuous

and self-sacrificing.

I know that's harsh.

I know that sounds judgmental.

Maybe I am the only one looking at myself and my mothering

(and some of my wife-ing, friend-ing and church-ing)

through a magnifying glass...realizing I am truly

prone

to walk

in pride

(and ignore it)

because it is OTHERS focused...

But makes me feel Good.

The exhaustion and stress and suffering and self-neglect

(on some level)

feed me

and make me feel like I am GOOD because of that exhaustion, stress, suffering and self-neglect,

like I am Good and Right, for DOING all the "right, self-sacrificing" things.

And then, when I crash at night, there are THINGS to SHOW for my day.

THINGS to SHOW for my time.

REASONS to point to,

as to why I am worn out and drained

and ready for sleep,

when my husband might be ready for......me.

(And then, I can do as I've done in the past...I can blame him, feel like it is him who is being selfish, because I have GIVEN ALL DAY LONG.)

Pride is MY confidence in the things I do, making me Good.

Selfishness however, just makes me look plain ol' Bad, or at the least Not Good.

Both are risky.

Neither is worse, or better than the other.

So now, for me,

the bigger more important questions, based on what I am "knowing" about myself today (post-epiphany) are:

Why am I not more concerned about Pride in my life?

Why am I so riddled with guilt and convinced it is so wrong, or inappropriate to concern myself with ME?

What is at the root of my pride and my selfishness?

What is driving ME in each of these situations?

Asking such questions, can be risky business.

It may stir up some tough answers.

Answers which point to conclusions

and even, epiphanies-of-sorts,

leading me to understand and accept how much of a mess I really am,

and how much I need Someone to clean up after me

and make me right with Him,

each and every day of my life.

What I do know, for sure, is that

if I ask these questions because I am examining my SELF,

getting to know ME,

spending time on ME,

exploring who I want to be....

If I am asking these questions during the times when I am focused on SELF

and they lead me to an understanding of my need for Him,

isn't that the Point of it All?

Isn't that why He came?

Does He love me any more, or less or differently, because I am closer to the truth about who I really am AND who I want to be?

Nope. He's known the truth about me, all along.

And it's in the "getting closer to the truth,"

in the ME times, that I take FOR myself,

that I know myself even better

and

know even better (and deeper),

how very much He obviously loves me

and how very obviously,

I

need

Him.